


Half A Heart

by ginger_with_a_black_cat



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Bad Boy Liam, Boys Being Boys, College AU, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hate to Love, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Homosexuality, I'm Sorry, Love/Hate, M/M, Niall is the Youngest, Trust me on this one, Ziam Mayne - Freeform, bunch of kissing, but it's relevant to show how wrong people can be, but not really, happy ending!, idek why I'd use this, idk - Freeform, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, lirry friendship, lourry, niall is the coolest just because, one direction - Freeform, promise!, side larry - Freeform, strong relationship with family and friends, ziam, ziam palik - Freeform, zouis friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-02-19 23:45:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 68,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2407319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginger_with_a_black_cat/pseuds/ginger_with_a_black_cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn is an English student who doesn't want to fall in love because his biggest fear is to get hurt again. Liam is a resident bad boy and everyone's wet dream on the outside, but in the inside he's a secret even to himself. Harry's Liam's best friend with a secret of his own. Louis likes to party hard, get drunk and get everyone in trouble but everybody loves him nonetheless. And then, there's Niall, who's the youngest of them all, but still has the most brains and keeps them all in order all while being in love with an impossible girl.</p><p>Or where Zayn gets hit in the head by his own actions, Liam finds himself falling for an idiot, Harry gets dragged out of the closet by the love of his life, Louis wants Harry and only Harry and Niall just wants all of them to get their shit together, so he can get his own life back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. :)  
> This is my first One Direction fic and I've been thinking for weeks about posting it. I wasn't so sure, but a friend of mine insisted on it saying that it was a good story and here we are.  
> This is not the first thing I wrote, but it's the first thing that I'm posting here.  
> The name is, as you all know from the One Direction's song-Half A Heart wich is one of my favorite songs and it screams Ziam whenever I listen to it.  
> I'm only gonna post the prologue and the first chapter, because I'm still working on the rest.  
> I promise you a good plot, funny stuff and ofc a happy ending, 'cause I know how much I hate when it all ends bad.  
> I hope you'll read it, it was hard work.  
> Enjoy. :**  
> p.s. There's probably going to be mistakes and all of them are mine. After I'm done with writing, I'll read it again myself and remove them.

Zayn was a small town boy. He never went anywhere but he did have the urge to go away from all those people who didn’t have anything better to do than to talk about what didn’t concern them. Everyone knew each other, and that really wasn’t a good thing. When people know too much, people talk too much. After twenty years in Bradford, he just couldn’t handle it anymore.

He even felt suffocated in the walls of his own home. His alcoholic father and he loved each other, of course, but it was really hard to live through every day knowing that it’s going to be the same. Yelling, cursing, pleading, crying and fighting, every single day.

Zayn needed to get away and college was his best chance to do it. So, when he got into college in London, he took the chance and fled. He just couldn’t take it anymore. He was sorry for leaving his mum alone, but his sisters were there to support her and to take care of her.

Another thing he was leaving behind was his best friend, Niall. Maybe it sounds weird, but that’s what hurt the most. Niall was his friend, his brother. They went through everything together and they needed each other to get through the day. And he was leaving him alone. There was Greg, Niall’s brother, but he was older than both of them. He didn’t always get them and their problems, but helped them nonetheless. And Zayn loved him too, adored him. He had his own sisters, but he knew that he’ll never have with them the same relationship that he has with Horan brothers.

That was a lifetime thing, and he knew it. They’ll never leave each other.

 

* * *

 

 

When the day of his departure came, Zayn had a nervous pit in his stomach, but he knew that he had to leave. It was for the best. He was going to study and he was going to make something of himself. He’s going to leave that shitty town once and forever. He’ll be an English major and he’s going to have a good job, a nice life with a person he loves. All of the people he loves will be next to him, all of them happy and satisfied he made it. And he’ll tell them that he made it because of them. That’s why he promised himself he won’t cry. He’ll go and he’ll be strong.

His mom cried the most. She was happy he was doing something with his life, but he was her only son and it was hard to let him go. He hugged her tight and promised to call every day.

Niall took him to the train station. “Hey buddy”, Niall smiled, but the tears in his eyes were obvious. Zayn knew him. He was suppressing his tears too. “You’ll be okay, you know? We’ll all be fine. I’ll take care of your mom, and I’ll take care of Greg, ‘cause I know you need me to do it. The fucker might be older than us, but he’s a right idiot.”

The both laughed at that. Then they went silent. The silence stretched and it was interrupted when they announced that the train for London was leaving in five minutes. When Zayn turned to say goodbye, even so chocked up, he got an armful of Niall.

Zayn hugged him back just as hard. “It’s gonna be fine, Ni. I just need to know you’ll be okay. We’ll still be in touch. We’ll text and chat and Skype and I’ll be back home as soon as I can. Don’t worry, babe. We’ll be okay. We always are.” Zayn pulled back and took his bag in his hands.

Niall chuckled. “Stop it, we sounded so girly right now, man.” His smile faltered but it was still there. The way his eyes crinkled was so endearing that Zayn thought about missing this train and taking another one, just to stay here hugging his Irish friend. “I’ll be fine. Go now, you’ll miss the train.” They hugged again and Zayn started towards the queue to get his ticket. He took one last look towards Niall, but he was already gone. Zayn understood. It was hard on both of them.

When he got on the train, his phone buzzed in his pocket. There we’re three messages. The first one was from his mom, saying: _“Call me when you get there, love. Don’t forget, Zayn.”_ He smiled at the thought of his mom’s warning.

The other one was from Louis: “ _Hey fucker, see ya 2nite. I heard there’s a party tmrw nite ,btw. ‘S a good way to start college, right? And don’t roll ur eyes at me bitch, ur going. :p Luv u. :D :D :D_ ”

Zayn laughed out loud at his friend’s stupidity. Louis was his second best friend. He was the biggest idiot Zayn knew, but he loved him wholeheartedly and Louis did the same. They balanced each other. Where Zayn was quiet and shy, Louis was loud and wild. But together they could beat everything and everyone. Partners in crime, they were. Zayn sent back: “ _Yes, Lou ;) See ya tonight, darlin'. :D_ ”

The third was from Niall: “ _Love u man, gonna miss u so much._ ” Tears welled in Zayn’s eyes. His heart broke a little when he texted back: “ _Love you too. I’ll miss you, Ni._ ”

The train started to move while it took Zayn to his new life, that he never imagined.


	2. So, your friend’s been telling me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, the first chapter.  
> Enjoy. :)  
> The next one will be here tonight or tommorow, I promise. :*

The taxi pulled over in front of Zayn’s new home. The taxi driver took his bag out of the trunk and Zayn handed him the money for the ride. When he turned around, he saw what Louis meant by ‘Devil’s den’.

The building was old. Ancient, like Louis said. The walls were covered with shitty graffiti and the color was red. Of course, that’s the reason Louis called it like that and not the smell of the whole street. It smelled like something that smelled awful died and then smelled even worse, right in front of this building.

 _Whatever_ , was Zayn’s first thought. It’s not like they could afford something better, at least not now. This will have to do.

Zayn picked up his bag and went inside.

There wasn't an elevator and there was way too many stairs, because their flat was on the fourth floor. The flat was quite nice, though. Not too big, but also comfy. Both Louis and he had their own rooms. There was a small kitchen on the left and a nice common room on the right. The TV in the corner, even turned off, yelled: “No time for studying! Just watch me, bitches. I'm way more fun.” Zayn knew better, but he wasn’t sure about Louis. The bathroom looked good and there was enough space but not too much to clean.

He chose the room on the right side. They were the same, but he knew that Louis would like a better view and Zayn wanted privacy and peace. That’s why Louis got the one with the view on the street and he took one with the view on the playground and the park. He told himself that it’ll be easier if he painted the trees than the people rushing somewhere when he felt low.

Just when he was about to put his stuff into the closet, he heard the door open and then someone was yelling his name and jumping onto his back in seconds. He didn’t have to turn to know who it was.

“Zaaayyyniieee!!” Louis smacked a wet kiss on his cheek. It made Zayn laugh hard, but that was a normal reaction when it came to Louis. “How was your trip? You tired, babe?”

“Hi, Lou.” Zayn couldn’t deny it. “Yeah, I’m knackered from the trip and all I wanna do is get in my bed and sleep ‘till tomorrow.” Zayn looked over his shoulder to see Louis grinning. “But you’re not gonna let me off the hook, right.” It wasn’t a question.

Louis knew it and he only smirked at Zayn and jumped off his back, grinning again.

“Oh, come on. I haven’t seen you in a while. I’ve been abroad for a month, didn’t you miss me?” Louis teased.

“No.” But Zayn’s smile showed his fondness.

“I gotta tell you everything, Zed. I think I’m in loooove.” Louis sang.

This got the most of the Zayn’s attention and he gave Louis’ a look.

“What? You, Louis Tomlinson?” Zayn was genuinely surprised. Since he met Louis for the first time, he knew that the only thing Louis cared about was basically everything aside from love. That’s why the understood each other when it came to relationships. They fell in love, got hurt and everything that had to do with love was forgotten then and there. It was a silent promise between the two of them. But if his friend found happiness, Zayn will be happy for him. “Who is it then? Is it a girl or a guy?” Zayn asked.

“A guy. I met him back in Philly. His name is Harry Styles. He’s starting college right here, this year, so I’ll probably see him again. He has beautiful green eyes, brown hair, a head that’s pretty smart under that huge pile of curls, and dimples, Zayn. Dimples.” Louis was screeching by now and Zayn was amused.

He’d love to see Louis when Harry’s around. He was sure his friend got tomato-red every time Harry flashed him even a sideways smile.

Zayn laughed. “I’d love to meet him. I hope he’s a good guy and he won’t fuck it up. He’ll have to deal with me if he does.” He put his serious face for a second to prove a point.

He really would beat someone for Louis. He already did. His memories go back to the night when they we’re pissed drunk and Louis got in trouble with some guy. Zayn got him before Louis could even blink. No one fucks with his friends.

Louis cooing brought him back.

“Aw, my big Bradford bad boi”, Louis winked.

“Told you not to call me like that, Boo Bear.” Zayn smirked and Louis stuck his tongue in response.

“He’s a good guy, really. I just don’t understand why he’s friends with those idiots.” Louis looked thoughtful for a minute.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s best friends with the resident bad boys, and I don’t mean like you. These guys wear knives and act tough all the time. They’re a bunch of rich, stupid idiots. Oh and everyone loves them.”

“And Harry’s different?”

“Yes, Harry’s different.”

“Okay, then.”

“Okay.”

They looked at each other and smiled warmly. Then Louis went to his room to unpack while he left Zayn to do the same.

When he finished, he called his mom and they talked for a while. He told her about the city and the flat, and Louis that came into the room and took his phone away.

“Hi Trisha. Yes, everything’s fine. He’s okay, really. Yes. Yes. Of course, immediately. Okay, I will. Good night. Love you too. ” He turned to Zayn. “Up you get. You have to eat, your mom sounded really worried and said that I had to feed you. She also said she loves you and good night.” Louis smiled bashfully.

Zayn looked at him in disbelief and then shook his head fondly. “Why do I even get surprised after all these years?”

Louis beamed at him. “She adores me and trusts me. So, wanna eat half of the bag of chips I have left? We can drink some vodka that I brought from Philly, watch a movie and call it a night?”

Zayn laughed. “I’m on dinner duty. Go set up a movie, while I make us something to eat.”

“Yup!!” Louis chirped and went to the living room.

They stayed up all night watching romantic comedies, cuddled up on the sofa, drinking beer because Louis forgot the vodka in Philly. If this is how it’s going to be, Zayn has no problems with it.

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn woke up with an ache in his lower back. He was in Louis room, in Louis bed. He really doesn’t see the point of having a bigger flat just because of this. They like to sleep together. They both like to cuddle, but none of them wants to admit it.

Zayn get out of the bed, slowly and goes to shower. He has classes today, starting at noon, but he has to visit the nearby bookstore, so he has to go out earlier. He gets dressed quickly and exits the flat.

The lady in the bookstore’s watching him with too much interest, and he leaves without buying anything. He tells himself that he’ll come by later or he’ll find another damn bookstore where the workers don’t sexually harass you while you’re shopping.

 

* * *

 

 

When he enters the college campus, he’s mesmerized by how beautiful it is. There are all different kinds of trees, probably for the Biology students. There’s wooden benches everywhere, picnic tables, ping-pong tables. He loves it.

He takes a path to his college, not really paying attention to where he’s walking when he suddenly bumps hard into something. Only, it’s not a something. It’s a _someone_.

Just as Zayn starts to apologize, that someone turns around to face him.

The first thing he sees is his eyes and he is trapped. He can’t seem to move anywhere. He just stares at this guy’s eyes. They’re brown and beautiful and nothing like Zayn’s ever seen. It makes him want to paint them. He’d paint them just the same, brown with yellow spots and golden shades. His pupils are blown wide while he stares back at Zayn, and his eyes might be beautiful, but the anger that suddenly flashes through them isn’t.

“Where did you look, you jerk? You knocked my girlfriend to the ground.” The guy snaps at him.That’s when Zayn notices a girl lying on the ground. “Dani, are you okay?” The guy asks, bending down to help her up.

“I’m really sorry, I wasn’t looking wh..” Zayn starts, but the guy cuts him off.

“Of course you weren’t, you bloody idiot.” Zayn doesn’t know what to say to that, honestly.

“Can I do something to h..”

“Just leave.”

“Oookay.” Zayn gets out. He is stunned.

“Now.” The guy orders and hugs his girlfriend.

Zayn stomps towards the college, annoyed that this guy treated him like shit even after he apologized. Even if he finds his eyes beautiful. All of him, actually.

He can’t believe his first college day started like this.

He gets to his class and he spends three hours pretending to hear what the professor’s saying, and he can’t do better when the only thing he sees when he closes his eyes are the brown ones looking back.


	3. You’ve been sleeping in my sweater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two-here it is.  
> There's a bit of cursing and a bit of violence, but it's relevant for the chapters that are coming after this one.  
> Don't worry, no one actually gets hurt, I wouldn't do that.  
> Leave kudos and comments if you'd like to. :*

It’s been a good week for Zayn. He’s been going to his classes regularly and got everywhere on time. Not being late in a whole week and is a big thing for Zayn.

He tells Louis about it at dinner on Friday and Louis, fucking Louis, says: “Zaynie, you’ve been a good boy and that makes me very happy.” He pauses for a second and Zayn knows what’s coming. “This calls for a celebration, my friend.”

“Louis..” Zayn whines.

Louis’ not even paying attention. “I don’t wanna hear a word. There’s a club nearby and we are going tomorrow night.”

“I..”

“It wasn’t a question.” Louis sticks his tongue out and Zayn asks himself why he’s even friends with this idiot.

“Ugh, fine. We’ll go.” Zayn responds. “But you’re paying me back for my cab if you disappear with that curly giant.”

“Curly giant?” Louis laughs. “You mean Harry?” Zayn just glares at him. “Okay, okay. I might have found out that he’ll be there, ‘cause he lives down the block and practically lives at that place. Aaand I’ll pay for the cab, you little shit. I know you wouldn’t wanna walk SO FAR to get home.” Louis’ the one glaring right now.

Zayn gets up to pour himself some coke when Louis says: “What if Harry’s not there, ha? Or what if you end up going home with someone, Zayn?”

“Could happen. Though I’m pretty sure it won’t.”

“Who knows, maybe you’ll end up with a hot guy that has puppy dog eyes but has wicked moves in bed. I know you like those.” Louis teases and steals the remains of his coke while heading to his room.

Zayn stays quiet and decides that he needs to sleep if he’s going to live through tomorrow.

He lights up a cigarette before he gets in his bed and before he dreams about stupid things, all in the shades of brown.

 

* * *

 

 

He loves Louis, he really does, but his ideas almost get him arrested most of the time. Tonight, it’s not illegal, but he feels wrong. He wanted to go dressed casually, so no one would bother him, except for Louis who’d call him stupid and old. He wouldn’t mind, though.

But this? This is too much.

He got home from library to find Louis tomato red and smiling at him with pleading eyes and ‘GUILTY’ written all over his face.

“What do you want? Did you do something? Did you break my computer, my painting supply? ” Zayn asked, but Louis kept quiet.

“Louis.” Zayn warned.

“Look, I did something, but I really need you to go with it. I’ll love you forever if you just do it. This time, only. I’m begging you, Zayn, you’ll be..”

“Louis, stop. What do you want me to do?” Zayn was worried by now.

Louis took his hand and led him to his room.

As soon as he saw it, his jaw dropped and basically, it hit the floor.

“You're fucking kidding me.” Zayn groans as Louis grins wickedly.

 

* * *

 

Four hours later he found himself in a club. The music was blasting through the speakers and it was too loud for his liking. Louis's standing next to him, still smiling apologetically.

Zayn still can’t believe he agreed to this. Louis and he got quite a few looks out on the street, but in here, everybody’s eye-stripping them from the moment they stepped inside.

Leather. Louis bought leather suits for them. They’re looking as if they stepped out of the Matrix 3.

Zayn is full on glaring at everyone that seems to be thinking of approaching him. The only good thing is that Louis let him wear all black, while he’s all in red.

It might be funny, but he has to admit that Louis looks kind of hot.

He might be tiny, but he has muscles. The curve of his abs visible through the thin cotton of his top and the ass, of course. Louis has the best ass he’s ever seen, to be honest. He’ll never deny it and Louis loves to hear it. But the way his piercing-blue eyes scan the room for that pile of curls on Harry Styles’ head is the most endearing thing in the world. It just goes with his personality. While Niall changes his mood a lot, Louis is so random about it, that Zayn never got used to it.

“I can’t believe you made me do this only ‘cause you heard Harry has a thing for leather.” Zayn can’t help but say, taking a sip from his drink. It’s some colorful shit that tastes nice when you drink it, but fucks you up in the end. Louis bought it for him, of course.

“I didn’t wanna be alone looking like this. And come on, you look great. If I didn’t wanna take Harry home, I’d definitely take you.” Louis smiles and winks and he looks so lovable, Zayn hates him for it a little bit.

They end up dancing together and then with some girls.

He doesn’t quite like them, girls. They try so hard to have him liking them and they do things that they would probably be embarrassed the next morning. On the other hand, he's just the right amount of drunk to handle it at this point.

When Zayn sees a curly head in the crowd, he ducks behind Louis and grabs another girl to dance. This one’s prettier than the last one, with the blue in her eyes and black silky hair.

Harry spotted him and Louis a while ago, it seems, because he’s starring so hard at Louis and yeah. If Harry makes a step towards Louis, someone’s going to get lucky tonight. And thoroghly fucked.

Zayn watches Harry turn to say something to one of his friends that Zayn can't quite see and then he’s at Louis’ side in seconds, grabbing his waist and grinding against him. Louis turns his head to look at him for a moment but Harry ducks his head and their lips meet in a kiss.

Zayn looks away then. He knows this is his queue to leave. He kisses the girl he’s been dancing with on the cheek and waves at her to say goodbye.

He is about to exit the club, when he trips over his own feet and knocks someone to the ground falling on top of him.

Well, shit.

“Seriously, dude?!” Says the guy with the brown eyes from the other day.

They’re so pretty that Zayn could get lost in them again, but he’s not in the mood after he gets thrown off of the guy by someone else.

This guy is blond, a shade darker from Niall’s hair. He’s good-looking, as are the other three guys, all of them watching Zayn with pure anger.

This is bad, really bad, Zayn thinks.

The blond guy pulls him on his feet and goes to punch him, but the brown-eyed one is on his feet too and grabs his fist just when it was about to connect with Zayn’s jaw.

"Liam! Let me, he’s a jerk. Maybe he’ll have a better coordination after I kick him around for a bit.” The blond guy grits out.

“Don’t. Luke.” Liam asks nicely and patiently.

“No. This stupid queer won’t get away that easily. Look what he’s wearing, the little faggot. I’m gonna..”

“Luke, stop!” The guy-Liam yells. “No fighting tonight. Mike, Calum. Get Ashton and take him home. Now.”

The boys look confused and astonished, but obey immediately. Zayn finds it unbelievable that they’d listen to someone like that. They don’t even ask questions. They murmur something like ‘ yes ‘ and ‘ sure, Liam ’ and they’re off.

They collect Luke in their arms and take him away the same instant. He tries to fight, but one look from Liam and he’s silenced.

Once they’re gone, Liam turns to him.

He just stands there looking at Zayn for a minute. And Zayn looks back. He only saw his eyes the last time, but now? Under the street lights he looks like a fallen angel from those stories Donya used to read.

He’s a brunette, from what Zayn can see. His hair, Justin Timberlake styled, almost matches his eyes and it looks so soft that Zayn has to fist his hand to stop himself from moving and reaching out towards it to touch it. He’s gorgeous even with those little imperfections, like the mark on his neck or his nose that doesn’t quite fit on his face, but Zayn still finds it pretty. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion make him look so young, even if Zayn’s pretty sure they’re the same age. He’s wearing a white thank top under his black leather jacket with ripped jeans and black boots to go with the whole bad-boy look. He’s all muscles under those, Zayn knows.

“I really am sorry.” Zayn decides to speak to cut the silence short.

Liam looks like he’s going to burst from the sudden anger that shows on his face. “I’m not interested in your apologies.” He says. “This is the second time it happened. Is it true, what Luke said? Are you following me?”

Zayn’s panicking. “No, of course not. I..”

He stops in his confusion and he doesn’t find a word to say.

What he doesn’t expect is himself being pressed roughly between the concrete wall in the alley and a warm solid body.

Liam is really close. He can count his lashes even in the dim lights. If Zayn didn’t know what to say before, he can’t even think of a word now.

If those hands weren’t holding him so tight at the point of hurting him, Zayn would find it hot. He still kind of does. But when Liam opens his mouth to speak, he short-circuits from the way his lips almost touch Zayn’s.

“You like this, you little queer, don’t you?” Liam voice is low and husky, and Zayn is afraid right now. He didn’t expect this turn of events. “This is what you wanted, right? That’s why you’ve been doing this. You wanna be pressed just like this. I bet you’ve been following me around imagining this whole situation. ” He presses even closer to Zayn, and he didn’t think it was possible.

He aligns their hips and Zayn is gone.

Liam grinds on him for a few moments and if he wasn’t holding Zayn, he’d fall to the ground. “Would you like me to fuck you right here, ha? Answer me.” He growls.

“Liam.” Zayn pleads. He doesn’t even know what he’s pleading for.

Liam slams him hard on the wall. “What? You would. Well sorry for you but I’m not a stalking little faggot like you! I don’t deal with shit like that.” Liam yells and Zayn comes to his senses.

He gathers his strength and pushes Liam so hard that he falls on the ground.

Liam is a mess of limbs and he doesn’t look angry or shocked. If anything, he looks amused.

“Fuck you! Who do you think you are to treat me like that? I made a mistake and I apologized. Your friend already punished me enough, don’t you think? You didn’t have to be rude as well.” Zayn yells back. “And I didn’t stalk you. I have a much better taste than stupid boys with a giant ego.”

“I’m Liam Payne. Doesn’t that say anything?” Liam asks expecting that this guy will come to his senses and lower his tone. “Not a clue?” Zayn just glares at him. “Well we wouldn’t be having this conversation if you knew.” Liam deadpanes. He got on his feet in a second. “If I was you, I’d do my homework, man. The next time we see each other won’t be pleasant if you don’t know.”

“Know what? That you’re a despicable jerk? Oh, I know that very well.” He turned his back on Liam and took out a cigarette, lighting it up on his way home. He didn’t look back.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam stood there in the dark as he watched the man leave. He didn’t have a problem like this in months.

Everyone knew better than to mess with him.

This guy didn’t know the rules and Liam was about to teach him.

Even if somewhere deep inside, he found that he didn't want to. 


	4. And that you can’t stop missing me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One positive comment and I'm updating this. xD I'm too easy.  
> This is the third chapter but Idk when I'll update the next one. Maybe tomorrow if there's time, but I don't promise anything.  
> I have a lot of stuff to do.  
> However, I want to write this thing and I will, haha.  
> Be patient with me, I'll make it worth your while.  
> Enjoy. :*

When Zayn gets home that night, he takes his clothes off immediately and drops them on the floor of Louis' room. He’s pissed, that’s what he is.

Liam made him so damn mad that he is about to burst. He gets on his balcony and lights another cigarette and eleven more after that one. He stays up all night thinking about hatred in those brown eyes.

He can’t believe the nerve of Liam. He acted like a right jerk. But Zayn doesn’t know him, so he doesn’t understand why it bothers him so much. He should be mad because he got insulted by a complete stranger. Those things aren’t supposed to happen anymore. That was long ago.

When he first came out, everyone was shocked, because Zayn only ever dated girls. He was always surrounded by them. They loved his shyness, but also that he had sudden self confidence. His hazel eyes that crinkled in the ends when he smiled at their stupid jokes. How cute and shy he was with strangers, but laughed and sung at the top of his voice when he was surrounded by his friends. When he came home one day and said to his parents the truth, he was yelled at by his father, his mom cried, his sisters didn’t understand, except for Doniya who helped him through it. The neighbors were stunned as well, but as the years passed, everyone got used to it and Zayn was the golden boy again for the grannies and a good lad for everyone else.

What happened tonight with Liam completely threw him off. He was nothing to Zayn, his opinion didn’t matter at all.

But Zayn still found himself remembering their entire encounter over and over again. And he didn’t understand.

What he was mad at the most was the fact that for a moment there, he believed Liam was going to kiss him.

And it pisses him off that he is sure that he would kiss Liam back.

 

* * *

 

 

He got up to the pounding in his head and someone singing loud in his kitchen.

He got up to yell at Louis, because he woke him up, but what he found in when he stormed in the kitchen was a mop of curls on someone’s head.

He smirked and cleared his throat:“Harry, I assume.”

The guy turned around quickly. Zayn thought he looked like a kid with his hands in a cookie jar - _guilty._ It was adorable.

“Um, I’m sorry if I was too loud, I totally forgot about you. Yes, I’m Harry and you must be Zayn, Lou’s roommate.”

“Yeah, nice to meet you, Harry. I heard a lot about you.” Zayn said matter of factly.

“Did you, now?” He smiled and Zayn found him even more beautiful than when Louis was telling him about Harry. The mess of his curls was adorable, but the dimple in his left cheek was even cuter. His long torso was covered in tattoos as were his hands, and Zayn had to admire them.

“Nice ink, Harry.” Zayn admitted.

“Oh thank you, yours too.” Harry smiled again. “Want a cuppa?”

He was making tea and Zayn should find it hilarious that there is a stranger standing only in his boxers in his kitchen preparing him tea, but it doesn’t feel weird at all.

“Yeah, sure.”

They sat down in the living room after Zayn got dressed and started talking. Harry and he were getting along really good. Zayn found him very interesting and they had some things in common.

He was into art, he hated sport, had great taste in music and loved cooking. He also liked Louis and Zayn already loved him for it. He was some kind of a hipster, as Zayn noticed. Yeah, typical for Louis.

When Louis got up, he found them sitting in the living room, Harry still in his boxers.

“Good morning, boys. Having fun?” He teased.

“Well, I was just telling Harry what a mess you are.” Zayn shot right back.

Louis opened his mouth, but closed them right away when Harry stood up and kissed him softly on the mouth. “Morning, beautiful.” Louis blushed like a tomato just like Zayn thought he would.

Zayn got up. “Harry it was really nice to meet you. Louis, clean the flat, it’s your turn. I’m going to the library.”

“You didn’t eat, darling. You know your mom..” Louis started, but Zayn just stuck his tongue out saying that he’ll have breakfast outside.

He grabbed his laptop and went to the restaurant nearby. He opened skype and dialed Niall.

“Hey, bro!” Niall chirped.

“What’s up man? Whatcha doing?” Zayn asked.

Niall looked great. He told Zayn about how Greg was still seeing his ex girlfriend and how he minded it, but couldn’t do anything about it. He said he’ll put some poison in her soup to kill her and Zayn laughed hard and agreed to help. Niall told him that there was this girl in school that made him crazy. Her name was Maria. She had nice eyes, soft brown hair and she was so pretty that Niall’s cheeks flushed so hard when he talked about her. Zayn teased him a bit for it, but he kept saying that he found her annoying and sarcastic and that she had nothing he looked for in a girl. Zayn knew he was already head over heels for her and he was impatient to meet this Maria girl.

Niall hated when he knew everything about him, but he was the same for Zayn.

He asked Zayn what was wrong and Zayn decided not to tell him about Liam, instead telling him about Louis and Harry.

Niall was happy and cheerful, but Zayn didn’t fool him. “I know you too well. You’re hiding something, Zayn and you’re going to tell me when you get back. Willingly, or I’ll get you drunk and you’ll spit it all out. ”

Zayn just sighed and smiled fondly. They talked for a good while.

They drank their coffee and had their breakfast and then Zayn went to the library to gather some books for his paper due next week.

 

* * *

 

 

He met Louis at college next week and they had coffee together after classes. Louis decided that they go to the coffee shop on the campus, so they can also eat there and Zayn agreed. They took their seats and ordered coffee and food.

Louis told him everything about what happened with Harry last night and Zayn smirked at his friend for being a blushing mess over someone.

Louis and Niall were in too deep. Zayn hoped this was a good thing.

Louis also told him something that he wouldn’t expect from Harry. He still hasn’t come out to anyone and Louis was only his second relationship and they had to keep it a secret.

Zayn warned him to be careful and to look out for himself, because if he gets too attached and everything goes to hell… Well, you know the drill.

Louis promised he’ll be careful and Zayn hoped it would be that way.

When their order came in, the waiter looked through the window and sighed heavily. “Not again, God.”

Zayn didn’t understand until he heard the front door opening and complete silence came.

It was Harry who barged in and he was followed by no one else but the same guys who tried to beat Zayn up the other night. Luke came in second, Michael third and two other guys, also from the other night. Zayn didn’t have it in him to remember their names.

The last one to come in through that door was the person that haunted Zayn’s mind for the last few days.

_Liam Payne._

“What the hell?! What’s Harry doing with those guys? Why are they here?” Zayn whispered to Louis not taking his eyes from them.

“You haven’t heard?” Louis was amazed.

“Heard what?” Zayn asked.

“Oh, come on, Zaynie. Everyone knows who they are.” Louis declared.

Zayn watched them take a seat in the corner. The guys were goofing around and laughing at something Michael said. If he didn’t have the encounter with them that left him pissed and confused the other night, he’d find them fun and interesting.

“I don’t.” He told Louis. “Tell me, you know you want to.”

“Okay, look.” Louis started. “First of all, you don’t wanna hang out with them. They’re bad for anyone but themselves.” No shit, Zayn thinks. “When I told you that Harry had friends that are bad for him, they’re who I meant. He’s best friends with the leader, they’re like brothers and Harry owes him so much, he’ll tell you if you ask.” Louis sighed softly at the thought of Harry.

“The tall blondie is Luke Hemmings, he studies Italian culture. He’s impulsive and does the most dirty work for them. The other one, with black hair is Calum Hood, he’s one of Luke’s little helpers, student of Economy.” Louis added as if he was talking about Santa and his elves.

“The one with the green hair and makeup on is Michael Clifford.” Louis beamed. “I don’t think he does anything, really. He’s the biggest fool in the group and I think the leader only keeps him close to remind them that they’re human.” He sees what Louis says, Michael looks so full of life and energy. But wait, did Louis say the word leader again?

Louis’ talking again before he has the time to ask. “The blond curly one, with the bold spot,” Louis winks “ is Ashton Irwin, he also studies Italian and is a drummer in a band. Cool, I think. Aaannd…” Louis drawls.

“That’s Liam Payne. He studies Italian, he’s the bad boy everyone wants but everyone’s afraid of, but that’s understandable with him being the leader and all.” Louis finishes.

“What do you mean ‘ The Leader ’?” Zayn asks, confused.

“Look, they say Liam and his boys are some sort of a gang. I don’t know much about it, but what I know is that you don’t wanna cross their way. If you make a mistake, they’ll make you pay for it. Painfully, I heard.” Louis looked thoughtful. “I’d stay away from them and I advise you to do the same.” He started eating again looking at his plate.

Gang? Zayn got on the wrong foot with the leader of a gang? Wonderful.

He stared at his plate and started eating again. Not that he was that hungry anymore, but he was preventing himself from lifting his head to look at Liam.

He was bad for him and Zayn was sure about that now. He’ll stay away as much as possible, considering that they go to the same college.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam entered the coffee shop with his boys.

As expected, there was complete silence until they took their seats. He sat next to Harry. The waiter came and took their order and rushed behind the counter after that. Mike started telling a stupid story and he was so enthusiastic that Liam had to laugh with the rest of the guys.

The waiter brought their food and drinks and left quickly again. Liam glanced at Harry for a second to find him starring at someone.

Liam remembered him. It was the guy from the other night that Harry went home with.

He was okay with Harry being gay, to be honest. He loved his best friend more than anything and wanted him to be happy. It didn’t matter if it was with a guy. The problem was with the other boys. Maybe they’d agree in the end, but there would be problems and he wanted to spare Harry of it, so they kept it a secret.

He had to admit this guy was handsome, Harry had a good taste. He smiled at Harry and found Harry smiling back when he saw what Liam was looking at. He was blushing a bit too and Liam found it adorable. He’ll tease him about it later.

When he averted his gaze from Harry again, his eyes found the person who was sitting next to Harry’s guy.

His eyes widened comically. It was him, the guy from the other night, who bumped into him two times.

He turned to Harry who was already speaking. “His name is Louis, the guy I’m seeing.” Harry spoke silently so the other guys wouldn’t hear him. “He’s ace, Liam. I really like him.” He smiled.

“I know Haz. But, who’s the friend?” Liam had to ask.

“It’s his best friend and roommate, Zayn. He’s a good guy. We talked that morning and he was fun to talk with. We had tea together and talked about everything, just like you and I do.” Harry said.

Liam saw the fond look in Harry’s eyes and couldn’t decide to tell him about what happened that night.

“You should meet up with me and Lou sometime.” Harry chuckled and went back to his food.

“Yeah, sure.” Liam murmured.

Zayn was Harry’s friend and Harry was his best. He knew Harry’s going to find out eventually, and he’ll have to deal with it. Harry’ll have to understand why Liam acted that way and why Zayn needs to be thought a lesson.

Only, he’s not sure he’ll have it in him to do it when Zayn’s eyes meet his in the dim lights of the coffee shop.

Zayn looks at him and his gaze doesn’t drop this time.

Neither does Liam’s.


	5. And my friend’s been telling you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpgTC9MDx1o - Idk. xD
> 
> Here's chapter four, guys. :)  
> We have Larry here as well, but also an interesting encounter between Zayn and Liam.  
> Chapter five will be on tomorrow night i think. I still have to finish it.  
> Damn, this is hard. xD  
> Enoy. :***  
> p.s. Leave some kudos and comments, you might get me motivated to update sooner, haha. :D

They go out that night and they go so terribly drunk that he ends up giving a blowjob to some guy behind the club with him pulling hard on Zayn’s hair and moaning when he came without a warning down Zayn’s throat.

He pulls his softening prick out of his mouth and gets up so the guy can jerk him off. He comes after a while with the guy telling him just how beautiful he is and asks him for a date, but Zayn just zips his pants and goes inside without a word.

He was a terrible fuck.

He doesn’t find Louis inside, though. He picks his pocket in search of phone and finds a message from Louis: _“ U just disappeared with that man n I called Harry. Heading 2 the flat. :D Hope he was a good fuck. :* ;) ”_

He glared at the phone for a second or two and ordered another colorful drink, one of those that Louis makes him drink and that make him nicely buzzed just after the third one. This is his seventh, though, or eight. He lost count.

This time he ends up dancing with some girls with the music so loud, he doesn’t even hear the name of the girl he ends up going home with.

All he remembers before he agrees to go with her is the brown in her eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

He wakes up in the middle of the night in an unfamiliar room and in a bed that is not his, next to a girl whose name he doesn’t remember. His head is still spinning and he still feels the beat of the music running through his veins and the alcohol too.

He gets out of the bed carefully and slowly puts his clothes on, so he doesn’t wake her up. He really doesn’t want to do the walk of shame, as Louis calls it. He puts is shoes on and shows himself out.

The walk home is a long one, considering he didn’t call for a cab and it’s freezing outside. The good thing about it is that he sobers up completely by the time he gets home.

The lights are off and Harry and Louis are asleep on the sofa in the living room. Louis’ practically on top of Harry and the other boy just sleeps peacefully even though Zayn knows how heavy Louis is. He might be tiny, but the fucker is really heavy.

He goes to his room, lights a cigarette and sits beside the open window so Louis won’t bitch about the smoke in the morning.

He thinks about what happened last night. This isn’t like him. Well, at least it wasn’t before.

He used to think there’s true love waiting for everyone and that everyone had their soul mate. But then his first love broke his heart and he was left hurt and alone.

Then Louis appeared in his life with his own sad love story and Zayn just let it all go to hell.

Everyone says that it’s normal to hook up with strangers because no one cares and no one gets hurt in the end and that’s why he likes it.

He likes sex, loves the rush in his blood from the alcohol, likes knowing that he makes someone feel good and he gets the same in return. But there’s a part of him that is full of remorse and he feels like shit the next day.

Fucking conscience, he thinks to himself.

He gets up, throws away the fag and goes to bed.

 

* * *

 

 

He’s not hungover in the morning, thankfully.

He finds Louis and Harry drinking coffee and they offer him some. He takes the offer and sits next to Louis.

“How was your night, Zaynie?” Louis asks and Zayn recognizes the teasing in his voice.

“How was yours?” Zayn shots right back.

Harry blushes and Louis just smirks at him. “Amazing, as usual. Now answer my question.” Zayn groans. “That bad, ha? That guy was quite good looking if I may say so.”

“He was awful. I wouldn’t have even gone outside with him if it wasn’t for those drinks you made me drink. They destroy me every time.”

“Well, I’m sorry, but isn’t that the whole point?” Louis smiles bashfully. “Besides, you looked fucked out.”

“I went home with some bird. I don’t even know her name.” Zayn says.

“Was it worth it?” Harry chirps in, his arm slung around Louis’ shoulders.

“I don’t remember. It seemed a good idea at the moment.” He sighs and takes another sip of his coffee.

“Did you have to do the walk of shame? Did she cry? Did she slap you?” Louis teases.

“I snuck out before she got up.”

“Good boy.” Louis pats him on the back.

“Well, I’ve learned my lesson after a while.” Zayn points out.

“I bet you did.”Louis says and turns to Harry. “Our Zaynie here had a lot of interesting moments with his one night stands. For example, there was this one guy, um, what was his name Zayn? Maurice?”

“Morgan.” Zayn puts in and sighs.That was the worst one night stand he’s ever had.

“Yes, yes. Morgan the moron, as I liked to call him. He was Zayn’s one night man. He really was hot, I admit, but he became a right creep the morning after.

Zayn didn’t sneak out like he usually did and he decided to stay the night. When he woke up in the morning, he found Morgan sitting at the end of the bed gazing at him. He tried to get out of the bed and out of his flat, but the creep wouldn’t let him. He said that he thinks he found the love of his life and that he wouldn’t let him go. Zayn had to put up quite a struggle to get out. Once he did, he went straight home thinking he was safe.His mom called him down after a mo'. There was a guest waiting for Zayn, guess who?” Louis grimaced and Zayn joined in. “He brought flowers and a ring and wanted to propose to him. His dad went crazy, called the police and Morgan the moron got a restraining order. End of the story.”

“That’s why I never sleep over.” Zayn admits. “It scared the shit out of me and my family.”

“Damn, who knew?” Harry looks genuinely worried. “I’d stop with the one night stands if I were you, man.”They all chuckle.

They drink their coffee and watch Doctor Who reruns, even if they’d all seen it before. Zayn thinks about his actions from the last night again and wants to say that he’s sorry for what happened, but he’s really not.

He did this all the time and Louis too, before Harry. It’s a normal thing. He’s human and his need for sex is understandable. The fact that he doesn’t want a relationship with someone also is. He got hurt badly when he was too young and he doesn’t want to go through it again. It might be irrational, but that’s how it is. Niall could talk for hours about how Zayn is being stupid and that he needs someone in his life or that pain will stay there forever. He worries too much, Zayn thinks.

He finds himself thinking about being in a relationship and he knows he’d be the one to fuck it up.

Niall’s different. He got also hurt, but he got over it and Zayn knows that he’ll find someone who’s good for him. Who knows? Maybe it’s this Maria girl he keeps mentioning. Zayn smiles at the thought.

Niall told him that she sits behind him in classes and that they have coffee together sometimes, with other friends, of course. He said that he looks at him like she wants something and that she teases him a lot. He also sent him s picture of her and Zayn told him that she’s a beauty. Niall showed him the finger and Zayn laughed. It’s going to happen and he knows it.

Zayn just wants Niall to be happy again.

 

* * *

 

 

“Louis!” Zayn yells.

Harry and Louis disappeared into the bedroom a while ago and Louis needs to go grocery shopping because they’re out of everything.

He goes to knock at the door but when he hears a high-hitched moan coming from Louis’ room he backs off and sighs heavily.

“Damn sex addicts.” He murmurs to himself.

He’s going to have to do the grocery shopping by himself or he’ll starve to death.

He doesn’t even think about saying goodbye before he’s out of the flat. He doesn’t want to find Harry or Louis in an inappropriate position and he definitely doesn’t need to see that. He can live without it.

When he’s on the bus stop, he sits down on the bench and lights up.

He knows he shouldn’t smoke, everybody keeps telling him that, but he can’t quite explain his need for cigarettes. He’s a moody person, and if he gets angry and frustrated over something or someone, he lights up, so he wouldn’t break that something or someone. Besides, it’s very relaxing, smoking. Niall’s the only one that gets it, really. He loves Niall. The others can just go and fuck themselves.

He finishes his cigarette right when the bus stops in front of him. It’s full. There’s no other word for it. It’s like people are suffocating inside and Zayn thinks of walking but he’s tired and he needs to take the bus.

He gets in, somehow, and moves towards the middle to let other people enter the bus. He is suffocating now.

There are no empty seats in the bus and there’s no pole nearby that he can grab onto, so when the bus starts moving, he stumbles back.

He’s ready for the fall, really. And he knows that people are going to laugh and he’ll probably be bruised and embarrassed, but he’s ready for it. Only, that doesn’t happen.

What he’s not ready for is a strong arm holding him up and his hands on the broad shoulders of the man that prevented his fall to the ground. All he can smell in the dusty old bus is his cologne and all he can see is that haunting brown color.

“This is a really bad habit, princess.” Liam says.

Zayn can’t do anything, but sigh heavily right there in Liam’s arms.

He can’t believe his stupid luck. He just can’t believe it.

“It’s really not a habit, it’s just a bad damn luck.” Zayn grits out.

Liam just smirks at him and that’s really hot. Fuck his life.

“C’mon princess, you know you like it.” Liam’s tone is teasing but there’s something uncertain in his voice. “You really expect me to believe you aren’t doing it on purpose?”

Zayn is full on glaring now. He really wishes there was something else he could grab now, besides Liam’s shoulders.

“First of all, don’t call me a princess, I’m not one.” He points out. Liam smirks again. “Second, I’m really not doing this on purpose and you need to get it out of your head.” He snaps. “If I had and thing for bullies, I’d look for someone with less of an ego, believe me. Plus, you aren’t even that hot.” He feels Liam’s hand griping hard around his waist. He’d love to shrug it off, but he’ll fall if he does that.“I… ”

There’s a sharp turn of the bus and he thinks he really will fall down now when Liam grips him even tighter and brings him impossibly close.

Zayn can feel his breath on his lips. If Zayn tipped his head back a bit they’d be kissing. He can’t breathe like this, not this close to him.

“Now that I have your attention… princess,” Liam starts. He’s breathing hard as well, Zayn can tell, but he has a teasing smile playing on his lips. “I’ll believe you that it’s not on purpose, what keeps on happening, but that only means that you’re unbelievably clumsy. Also, ”

He looks into Zayn’s eyes and Zayn’s stuck. He knows there are people looking at them curiously but he can’t bring himself to care. “I am that hot.” Zayn snorts. “And you don’t have a thing for bullies,” he pauses, “but you have a thing for me.”

He whispers the last of it right against Zayn’s lips.

“I. Really. Don’t.” Zayn manages to get out, voice almost steady. Almost.

Liam smiles mischievously and grabs his hand to put in on the pole. Zayn grips it hard and before he knows it, the doors are opening and Liam is out of the bus in a second. He gives Zayn one last look from the outside and he takes off.

It’s right then that Zayn notices that he missed his stop. Also, that the bus is almost empty now and Liam had no need to hold Zayn for as long as he had.

Zayn sits on the nearest seat and considers the fastest way to kill himself right now.

 

* * *

 

 

Monday mornings are the worst thing in this world, Zayn’s sure. He really doesn’t want to go to college today. He wants to snuggle underneath his covers and be fast asleep.

He can’t, though.He has a test today and he needs to do it, or he’ll be degraded when the exams start.

He gets up and gets dressed. After that he decides that he has enough time, so he makes himself coffee, and goes through his notes again. He needs to do well on his test.

He takes a bus again and this time there is no Liam. Except in Zayn’s mind, that is.

He can’t say it doesn’t really matter, what happened with Liam the other day, but he can’t let himself care. He won’t let himself care.

He was hurt once because of a guy and he promised it will never happen again. He’s going to do everything to keep that promise.Liam was no one, still is no one. And Zayn’s going to keep it that way.

He’s not up for dealing with stuck up idiots. Hot stuck up idiots. Ugh, he wants to slap himself.

His bus gets to its stop and Zayn gets out. As soon as he enters the campus, there’s someone calling his name. It’s his colleague, Alex.

“Hey, Alex, what’s up?” Zayn says as soon as he approaches.

“Zayn, nice to see you. You ready for the test, colleague?” He smiles.

“Haha, yeah. Gotta be, I guess.”

They keep an easy banter until they get inside and throughout the day.

Alex sits with him in the back of the classroom and they sped the day talking and laughing with some other guys and girls.

When he thinks better of Alex, he’s not half bad looking. He’s tall, has curly hair, something similar to Harry’s. His green eyes spark with energy and they shouldn’t impress Zayn, but they do. He has broad shoulders and long torso. He dresses differently than all of them but that only makes him even hotter.

He likes Alex, he thinks and by the looks he gets from him sometimes, he’s sure it’s both-sided.


	6. I'm not doing much better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fiiiiinally. God, I just didn't have time to do this.  
> Next chapter will be here in a few days, can't be sure of the day.  
> This chapter is a tiny bit longer, but the next one will be more interesting and I hope you'll like it. ;)  
> Here it is.  
> Again, enjoy. :D

It’s time to go home for a bit. It’s only going to be for the weekend, but he’s going to see his family. He already misses them and that’s not weird, they’ve barely separated. Zayn never really wanted to leave his mom. He is her only boy and fine, maybe she can deal with that shit alone, but he feels much better if he’s there to support her.

The other people he’s going to see are Niall and Greg. He knows that he’ll spend Friday at home, but as soon as he gets up on Saturday, he’s going to their place. It's sort of a tradition.

He knows what’s bound to happen. He’ll sleep over and they’ll probably go out. Even if they stay in, they’ll get so terribly drunk and spit all out, because there’s always something new they have to tell each other.

It’s just common for them, talking about stuff, drinking cheap beer and wine and staying up all night on their balcony, listening to music and whispering in the dark so they don’t wake Niall’s parents.

He can’t wait, to be honest.

 

* * *

 

 

The first thing that happens when he opens the door of his home is that he gets dragged into a hug. It smells like love and safety. Like home.

He’s got an armful of his mom. He smiles and hugs back just as strong. Call him a mommy’s boy, he doesn’t care. This woman is his life. Everything that he is, he owes to her. She spent half of her life trying to give him everything he needs and to make him the best person he can be.

“ My baby’s home.” Trisha start sobbing, but happy tears in her face with a soft smile.

“Yeah, mom. Good to come back, haven’t been here in a good while.” He smiles so hard he thinks his face is going to break in half.

“C’mon, love. Let’s get you inside. Leave your stuff in your room and come down. I’ve made you your favorite.” She says and winks at him.

He chuckles at her and does what he said. He comes back down and says hello to his dad and sisters once he's done.

His dad looks good, mom told him that he sobered up for the last few days and his dad tells him that he’s honestly trying to stop. Zayn hopes he will. That would be the best thing to happen to his family. Mom tells him that ever since he went to college, his father is drinking much less and they don’t have trouble anymore.

Zayn figures that it’s because his dad always thought that since Zayn was responsible and all, he’ll take care of the family and that he could do whatever he wants. When Zayn left the house and went to a completely different city to make a better man of himself, he decided that it’s time to do the same. Zayn is very thankful for it.

They spend the rest of the day talking and laughing and Zayn thinks that he’ll be okay. They’ll be okay.

 

* * *

 

 

As expected, Niall calls him on Saturday morning.

“Zaaaaaayn! Hey bro. Are you coming over tonight? ”

“Yeah, okay. Are we going out, or staying in? ”

“You don’t need to get all fancy and sexy for me, we’re staying in.” Niall teases.

“Oh, okay. Clown suit, then.”

“Aahahahaha, yes!” Niall cracks up.

“Need me to bring something?”

“Booze. I’d get it myself but I’m too lazy to get out of bed and put some clothes on.”

“Haha, of course. I’ll get it. See you tonight, then.”

“’Kay. Bye.”

“Bye, Niall.”

A night in. He hasn’t had one of those with Niall in way too long, so it’s gonna be awesome.

 

* * *

 

 

He’s greeted by his other family as soon as he arrives at Niall’s. He says hello to Niall’s dad Bobby and returns Maura’s hug.

Maura is like another mom for him. She is carefree like Niall and has those same blue eyes like he does. Those that judge when you make a mistake, but still understand and shine with love and patience. He feels so happy sitting around the table with these people, drinking coffee and talking about things that do or don’t matter. They matter to them, though.

Greg hugs him really, really strong, presses a wet kiss on his cheek and actually shrieks. Zayn chuckles at his dorky friend and does the same to Greg because it feels so good to see him and hug him.

“Good to see you, Zee.” Greg smiles and his cheeks dimple a bit. Greg’s been out of the country for a bit before Zayn left for college so he hasn't seen him for a long time. He mised his stupid jokes and the way he teased his little brother.

“You, too, buddy. You, too.”

He looks at the door to find a certain blond there. He giggles like everyone else at the scene before him.

Niall is just standing there, grinning. His blond hair disheveled, probably because he just woke up. He’s completely naked, except from his black boxers covering him.

“You are weird on so many levels.” Greg tells him.

“Shut up.” Niall tosses back at the same time his mom yells. “Niall! Go get dressed. I know you boys have no limits between each other, but there are people staring. ”

“Point taken.” Zayn says while laughing, looking at the blushing girls and women passing by and looking at a semi-naked person on the door, and Niall just waves at them, like it’s nothing.

“Idiot.” Zayn says fondly and goes to hug his friend.

Niall practically scoops him into a hug that last for too long, both of them in need of it. It’s like everything is in its place now that Niall and him are here and together. This is the most of the home he’s ever felt.

He was never this long without his family and friends and call him a woos, but that’s the way it is. Zayn might pass as a careless person in most of the situations, but he likes this feeling of love and safety that these people give him. He loves them and he loves being loved by them.

“Zaaaayniieee” , Niall sings and they both chuckle. “How are you, buddy?”

“Why don’t we get inside, you put some clothes on and make us a cup of coffee and we’ll talk, yeah?”

Niall laughs. “Yeah, okay. Come in.”

 

* * *

 

 

They all sit together and drink coffee. Bobby tells him about a new job deal he’s got with some company. He’s been unemployed for moths and they have had a hard time getting by. Maura keeps looking at him and Zayn can tell that she’s tired from it all, but she’s the pillar of this family and she’s never going to stop fighting for them.

Both of them ask Zayn how things are going with his college and he tells them that it’s a bit tough, but he’ll manage. He studying what he loves and the other things will fall into place eventually. He adds that he’s looking for a job to relieve his parents off some pressure and they smile encourage him to do that.

They also have dinner together. Maura made their favorite and they all laugh because it’s a hard meal to make, but she always does it when Zayn comes over. They finish it all and excuse themselves to go into Niall’s room.

As soon as they get inside, they lock the door and go sit on the balcony. It’s a bit chilly outside and Zayn wonders how the hall did Niall manage to get outside to greet him in just his pants considering he’s always cold, but he figures Niall just did it for a laugh.

They light up and sit on the blanket. Greg’s not really a smoker but he light’s up with Zayn and Niall. These two aren’t even close to quitting. They assure everyone that they have way too many troubles in their life and smoking is a way to relieve pressure after a bad day, a way to relax.

“So, boys, what’s new?” Zayn asks.

Greg and Niall look at each other. Greg smirks and Niall snorts, which provokes Greg to laugh hysterically.

“Okay…” Zayn gets out while watching his friends. “What gives?”

“Greg is being ridiculous, as always.” Niall says grumpily.

“You’re just being annoying” Greg says. “I got back with my ex and you know how he feels about that one.” He explains.

“Oh I absolutely love her. I just wanna choke her to death after what she’s done to you and you because you always fucking forgive her.” Niall shots back.

“Back with Jenna, then? Hum, I have to admit that I’m not fond of that one either. Sorry pal. ” Zayn says.

Jenna Bieber and her brother Justin are a couple of stuck up kids that only think about money and they like to make use of people as much as they can. But Greg doesn’t see it. He’s in love like a fool and he doesn’t see things like other people do. Zayn and Niall are afraid he might get hurt badly if he doesn’t open them soon.

“Ah, whatever. The two of you are insane.” He sticks his tongue out.

“Mature, bro.” Niall deadpans.

It’s really chilly outside so Zayn cuddles close to Niall.

“What about you, blondie?” Zayn smiles and Niall blushes because he knows what Zayn’s asking.

“Oh shut up. ”Niall says, but his lips are curling up.

The three of them laugh.

 

* * *

 

 

“What’s new Zayn?” Niall asks.

It’s been a while since Greg told them that he’s too tired and he went to bed. Niall and he were left alone and they just spent a few minutes in silence, just enjoying each other’s company.

“Nothing special. College’s going good. It’s a bit hard, but I’ll manage. ” He smiles. “I’ve made good friends, we hang out together when we finish on classes, drink coffees, go out and stuff. And after a long day, I come home to find Louis cuddled up to Harry and everything’s in place.”

“Yeah, Harry. I didn’t think it would get serious, knowing Lou the way I do.” Niall confesses. “I always thought you’d get your shit together and he’ll be the one sleeping around and doing shit. It’s more like him than like you.” Niall looks guilty for the confession, but Zayn just shakes his head.

“You’re right, Ni. I’ve been acting really bad lately. I mean, it was like that even before I left Bradford, but I’ve been acting even worse in London. It’s like I don’t have any lines drawn between good things and the bad ones, I don’t know.” Zayn admits.

Niall hugs him.“Hey, look. You’re doing fine, considering the way you could be acting. You’ve been through so much shit in the last few years that it’s normal to loosen up a bit.” He looks him sternly in the eyes. “But I’m not justifying it, just so you know.” Zayn snorts. “Shut up. I know you too well and I know you’re not even close with stopping, but you need to think about what’s good for you and not do the bad, ok?”

“Philosopher.”

“Okay, Zayn?”

“Yeah, okay.” Zayn rolls his eyes but cracks up a smile after that.

“I have to tell you something.” He looks down and blushes. He does that a lot.

“Oh, I can imagine.” Zayn teases which earns him a smack on the head from Niall.

“I won’t tell you, now. Fuck you mate.”

Zayn clutches his stomach from laughing so hard.

“Okay, okay. I’ll be good.” Niall glares at him. “I will! I promise ok? I won’t say a word until you’re finished.” It’s a long silence and Zayn’s about to laugh again, but Niall sighs and starts talking, so he shuts his stupid mouth to listen to his friend.

“So. Maria. Shut up.” Zayn smiles and Niall continues talking while being a blushing mess and looking at the ground. “I was stoned the other day. Some girl from the other school and I got it from a friend and we smoked before class. It’s a good thing we didn’t have that class and when I came into the classroom, it was almost empty. I laid on one of the empty tables and closed my eyes. For a while there were people talking but then I heard the door slamming and I cracked and eye open to see what’s going on and found the room empty, except for me and Maria who was leaning over me from the other table. We were just looking at each other for a while and then I just, out of fucking nowhere, asked her what was this thing she was doing with me. She smiled at me and got really close to me, saying that she was preparing something for the two of us. I was stoned enough to just nod and let it go, but now I can’t stop thinking about it. Da fuq?”

He looked at Zayn who had a completely straight face on. “What?” His brow furrowed.

“Can I laugh, now?” Zayn asked.

“Oh, screw you.” And Zayn lost it once again.“This is so not funny.”

“It totally is, bro, it totally is.”

Zayn got himself together and started: “Look, I’m not gonna lie to you. I’m gonna be completely straight like that girl was. She’s into you and if you can’t see what she’s preparing for you, you need to go and get your eyes checked, mate. I like her, she’s pretty and funny and she makes you laugh and look at the world differently. She’s become the reason you get by when it’s a rough day in school or at home. I can’t wait to meet her and to tell her that I’m glad she’s my brother’s girlfriend.” Zayn winks at him and smiles.

“Whoa, a girlfriend? Aren’t we rushing things a bit?” Niall asks wide eyed.

“You’ll see.” He says and offers Niall a cigarette. He takes one, sighing.

“Okay, bro. How about you? Any boys I need to know about, maybe?” Niall asks curiously.

Zayn thinks about what happened with Liam and then gives himself a mental slap, because why would he tell Niall about him. He’s no one, he keeps telling himself that. What comes out of his mouth though is: “Yeah, there’s this guy at my college. His name is…” he pauses to think once again. “Alex.” He says in the end.

“Alex?”

“Yeah. We’re in the same classes. He’s cute and all. I think he likes me back. He asked me to go on a party on Wednesday, but I’ll think about it.”

“Hm.” Niall says. “And what’s he like?”

“He reminds me of your future girlfriend.” Zayn says to distract Niall from asking more questions and that’s what happens.

“In that case, I don’t like him. A-a.” Niall says grumpily and Zayn smirks.

“Sure ya don’t.”

“Let’s go to bed, I’m knackered. Okay?” Niall asks.

“Yeah, okay.”

They throw away the trash and go to bed.

 

* * *

 

 

When they wake up, Bobby and Maura excuse themselves, say goodbye to Zayn and leave the house for work.

Niall, Greg and Zayn decide to go for a coffee in the center of the city. They take the bus and talk about stuff on the ride.

They get off the bus a bit earlier than they should because Greg needed to leave something at Jenna’s. They take a walk for the rest of the way and it feels nice talking and teasing. Feels awesome to have this after such a long time.

They drink their coffee in their favorite place and Zayn knows he needs to get home to pack his stuff and get on the train, but he can’t bring himself to say goodbye. The three of them hug for a few minutes before letting go.

They promise to call and to Skype every so often and they hug again briefly before Niall and Greg head into city to buy some stuff and Zayn heads home.

He keeps walking while thinking of this weekend and how much coming home helped him recover from being away for so long. He feels happy.

If he would only turn around and see the car that’s been following for the last few minutes and the smirking face behind the steering wheel.

 

* * *

 

 

He came in this shitty old city for some business his dad asked him to take care of. Calum and Ashton only came with him because he hated to go by himself and thay had nothing better to do, like always.

When he emerged from the bank and thought that he was finally free to go home, something got caught in his eyesight.

There was he, saying goodbye to some guys and turning to walk his way. Liam sat inside quickly and watched him pass by.

“What is he doing here?” Calum asked.

“I heard he lives here.” Ashton said.

Liam kept quiet while watching Zayn leave. He was hot, Liam had to admit. He wasn’t all bulky like him but he was tall, almost like he was. He had amazing body and his arms were covered with ink. Liam wanted to know if there were more tattoos on his body.

He started the car and started driving slowly. He was following Zayn. Calum and Ashton didn’t say a word, but he knew they got the gist. They knew what Liam wanted, or at least they thought they knew.

Zayn’s walk was long but eventually he stopped in front of one of the houses and got inside. Liam turned off the engine and sat there, watching.

“Do we get him, Li?” Calum asked.

He nodded.

“When?” Ashton asked.

There was a long pause and Liam smiled.

“Tonight.”


	7. 'Cause I'm missing half of me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There, I had to. LOL.  
> I'm going to bed now. I need to rest 'cause it's been a looooong day.  
> The next one will need time to be written, a few days. That is why I wrote this one.  
> I hope it's good, 'cause I have my doubts about it idk. :/  
> Leave kudos and comments if you like it. Enjoy. :*

As much as he’d love to stay at home, Zayn knows that he has to leave for college. It’s been a wonderful weekend with his family and friends, but there are other more important things he needs to take care of. His exams start in a couple of weeks and he needs to study, which is not going to happen if he stays here. He also needs to see Louis.

It’s a constant battle for Zayn to get everywhere in time and to see everyone. His mom tells him that he should spend more time thinking about himself, but she doesn’t understand that they are his life and he needs them in it or he will not be okay.

His mom cries again when he’s about to leave but Zayn knows she’ll be fine. She just misses him too much. She made him apple pie and sandwiches for the road and gave him some extra money to buy something that he needed.

He kisses her cheek and hugs her tightly.

“You take care of yourself, okay? And take care of Louis. I live that boy like he was one of my own and I want the two of you to watch out for each other now.” She says.

“Yes, mom. I’ll give him a hundred hugs and kisses and I’ll say they’re all from you. And we’ll take care, mom. Don’t’ worry.” Zayn rolls his eyes.

“Good boy.”

“Bye mom.”

“Bye, love.” She smiles at him.

He kisses his sisters and gives Safaa a long tight hug and he’s out the door.

His dad is on the porch. “Hey son. I just wanted to say goodbye without all these women inside.” His dad smiles at him.

“Yeah, dad. I know. You’ll be okay. You need me to stay and help with something? I could…” Zayn starts but his dad shakes his head.

“No, Zayn. Everything will be just fine. I’m doing well lately and I think it will keep being that way. Your mom has been very supportive about it and the girls are smiling again. That’s what has me going.” He says.

“That’s great, dad. I’m so happy for you.”

They hug and his father goes inside while Zayn goes for his bus stop.

 

* * *

 

 

“All done, Mike?” Liam asks.

“Yup, Hazza’s on his way to pick those two up.” Michael says on the phone.

“Did you…”

“No, Li. Harry doesn’t know a thing. I still don’t understand why I couldn’t tell him, but it was your choice and I respect it, as always.”

“Good, buddy. You did the right thing.” And Liam hangs up.

He knows this is all wrong, but he needs to do what everyone else expects from him or he’ll lose the respect that he has at this point.

He thinks about it sometimes. He asks himself what would be with his life if he didn’t do things this way. And then he reminds himself that he did and that there is no going back. It is what it is.

He’s still in front of Zayn’s place and he’s been there for hours. He needs to go through this, no matter how hard it is. Around eight, he sees Zayn get out of the house.

He says his goodbyes to his father, Liam assumes and the man goes inside leaving Zayn all by himself. This is it.

“You know the plan, boys?”

“Yep!”

“Good. Now bring him to me.”

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn was walking really fast because he needed to get on his bus and on his train. Saying goodbye to everyone took more time than he thought.

He picks his pocket in a search for his phone. When he’s about to pull it out if falls to the ground.

He sighs, because this happens to him all the fucking time and when he bends to retrieve it from the ground he feels a sudden sharp pain on the back of his head and everything goes dark.

 

* * *

 

 

“Liam!” He hears Harry calling his name.

“Over here!” He shouts back.

Harry approaches him and the boys panting because he ran. “I’m here, what’s up? Mikey told me to come to this address to pick you up.” He looks at the three of the leaning on the trunk of Liam’s car. “What the hell did you do?!”

“None of your business, Harry!” Calum shouts.

Liam just spares him a glance and he shuts the hell up.

“Don’t worry, Haz.” Liam says. “He’ll be completely fine, you don’t need to worry about anything. Just get these two home so they don’t miss their classes tomorrow.”

They try to protest, but they still obey and go wait in Harry’s car.

“Li, tell me.” Harry starts. “Did you do something bad? Who’s in the trunk?”

“Don’t worry, babe. It’s allright. I’m just pulling a prank on someone, but don’t tell the rest of the boys, k?” Liam kisses Harry’s forehead. It’s a brotherly thing they have going on.

Even though Harry has a really bad feeling about the person in the trunk, he nods because Liam wouldn’t lie to him, right?

“Yeah, okay. I’ll leave you to it. ” Harry turns to leave but says. “Be careful.”

Liam nods and gets into the car and drives off.

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn’s head is in so much pain. He thinks about talking but his mouth is dry. When he tries to move, he finds out that his hands and legs are tied up. He starts panicking, but he can’t even see a thing because there’s a blindfold covering his eyes. He only feels the ground that he’s on moving and he figures that he’s in a car.

Abducted? He, out of all other people? He doesn’t understand what’s going on. He finally gets his voice back and he starts calling for help, but nothing happens and he can’t do anything but wait for them to let him out.

That what happens, but after a good while, the car suddenly stops and he hears the door opening and then slamming again. Then, he can’t hear anything for a whole minute, before the trunk opens and cool night air fills his lungs.

Strong hands turn him around and lift him up. He tries to out on a fight, but that only result’s in the person to almost drop him.

“Fuck! Stay still!” The voice is familiar.

“Let me go! What the hell do you want for me?!” Zayn shouts.

“Keep your voice down, for the beginning. I’m going to put you down, but you are not to move or scream, is that clear?”The guy says with a deathly grip on Zayn.

“Yeah, just… please.” He’s terrified. The guy puts him down and helps him keep his balance while holding his shoulders.

“You okay?”

“Why do you give a shit? You hit me on the back of my head, put me into a trunk and God knows what’re you gonna do with me next. What do you need? I don’t have money for this and…”

“Shut up!” The guy insists.

“No, what do you want f…” Zayn stops in the middle of a sentence because he’s forcefully pushed back and his back hits the car. The guy comes close to him rips the blindfold off Zayn’s eyes and looks at him angrily.

“Some respect would be awsome.” Liam says and Zayn is left speechless.

 

* * *

 

 

“You?” Zayn is stunned.

He expected some old, hairy, overweight guy, but not this. This couldn’t be happening.

“Why so surprised? I think I told you needed to be taught a lesson.” Liam says.

“I can’t believe the nerve of you!” Zayn shouts. “You did this because you have some sick need to prove something? You let me go in this very instant!”

Liam is sick of this and he clasps a hand over Zayn’s mouth and gets into his personal space. He looks him straight in the eyes.

“I said be quiet!” He whispers but it’s clear as a shout. “You’re lucky it was me and not one of my guys to find you first. They would break every single bone in your body if they thought that’s what I want.” Liam says. “Will you be quiet?” Zayn manages to nod. He removes his hand from Zayn’s mouth but stays close enough.

“Don’t you want to?” Zayn asks and Liam looks at him curiously. “Break every bone in my body.” Zayn clarifies.

Liam looks sad and disappointed for a moment and Zayn doesn’t know what to think.

“I will not harm you. I kidnapped you by myself for a reason.” He points out.

Zayn doesn’t look like he trusts him so Liam gets on his knees and undoes the rope that has Zayn’s legs tied together. When he removes the rope he slightly massages the spot where it hurt Zayn’s skin, Zayn uses the moment to try and escape.

He goes to hit Liam in the stomach but Liam dodges it and gets up quickly, grabbing Zayn’s waist to stop him from moving.

“Stop it! I told you I’m not going to hurt you.” Liam says angrily.

“Then what do you want?!”

“I told you, respect. I will let you free, I’ll drive you home safely, but you need to learn your lesson.”

“What kind of lesson? What do you want me to do?” Zayn is desperate at this point.

Liam looks at him sternly. “You will not shout at me in front of other people. You will not look at me the wrong way or talk shit about me, nor will you tell anyone what happened tonight. For everyone else to know, I gave you a lesson and you respect me. Clear?” Liam growls.

“Yes. Now can you set me free? My hands hurt.” Liam just stood there. Zayn gulped. “Please?” He looked at the ground.

He didn’t understand anything that Liam said, but he just lived one of the most horrific moments of his life and he’ll do anything Liam wants.

Liam gets close enough to him so he can untie his hands too. He throws away the ropes away and caresses Zayn’s hurt wrists. “Do they hurt?” He asks and even though Zayn shakes his head, Liam knows he’s lying. “C’mon. Let’s go.”

He takes Zayn to the other door. “Where?” Zayn asks shakily.

“I’m taking you home, get in.” He doesn’t understand what happened, but obeys because not obeying apparently got him into this mess.

Liam starts the car and drives off to London.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s been half an hour into the ride and no one said a word.

Zayn has so many questions but doesn’t know how to start. He’s getting all squirmy and antsy.

“What?” Liam says annoyed. Zayn looks at him. “What do you want to say? You can, I don’t bite.”

“You don’t?”

“No, unless you ask for it.” Liam smirks and Zayn blushes. How can Liam be so random?

“Why are you like this? I don’t understand what’s going on. No one can even direct you a word without trembling. You’re like this big boss in the city or something like that, I don’t know.”

“Something like that.” That’s everything he gets from Liam.

“That’s all I get in response?” Zayn asks, incredulous.

“Look, Zayn. It’s none of your business, okay? The more you know about this, worse for you. I’m not gonna tell you.” Liam shots back.

“Like you care.” Zayn huffs.

“You think I don’t?” Liam’s incredulous, now. “You would be murdered in cold blood if I had done what they expect me to do. But I didn’t. I’m going to let you leave unharmed from all of this and I’m going to lie to my men. Just…” He sighs. “I’m not that big of a monster as you think I am.” He says and stops the car.

This is when Zayn realizes that they’re at Zayn’s flat.

Liam gets out of the car and grabs Zayn’s bags from the back seat. Zayn gets out and follows Liam who’s already going inside while carrying his bags.

They get on Zayn’s floor and Liam unlocks the door and gets inside.

Zayn has no idea how he knew where Zayn lived or how he found his key.

“I learned MY lesson.” Liam explains and Zayn rolls his eyes and goes to take off his shoes when he hears Liam shift.

Zayn finds him really close.

Liam crowds him up and his back hit the wall. He’s got both of his hands on the wall on the either side of Zayn’s head and he lowers his head so they’re on the same level. “I shouldn’t pay so much attention to you. I’m going to get punished for letting you go if you open your mouth. I’m risking so much.”

“Th.. then why did you do it?” Zayn asks shakily. Liam’s gaze drops to his lips and he lowers his head until their lips are almost brushing…

“Fuck.” Liam swears and then he’s out of the flat in a second leaving a wide-eyed Zayn alone.

Zayn slumps down and just sits right there on the ground and just breathes.

He feels like he hasn’t done it in hours.


	8. And being here without you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :D  
> Okay, this is one of the longer chapters.  
> It had to be that way because I will not have time to post anything for 7-8 days. :/  
> But next time, I'll update with two and maybe even three chapters, you like the idea? ;)  
> That's it, go on and read now, I won't hold you back. xD  
> Enoy. :*

It’s a chilly November morning. The weather is becoming worse and worse with time. This is the time when everyone likes to sleep longer in the morning, but not much people have that privilege. Even those who can sleep in this Tuesday can’t do it.

Zayn doesn’t have classes until noon, but he’s still up at 8 a.m. He didn’t sleep at all last night. When Liam left his flat, he spent the next hour sitting on the floor. He just couldn’t move after everything that happened last night.

He had the best weekend he could have wished for. Spending some time with his family and friends gave him some energy to endure being apart for so long.

It all fell into the water the minute he left his parents’ house. He was abducted by someone and the biggest fear of his life was the one that he felt when he woke up in someone’s trunk all tied up.

The one he least expected to be his abductor was the person that haunted his mind for the last few months.

Liam Payne.

Zayn didn’t understand what Liam’s full intention was and why would he practically steal Zayn and then let him go and drive him home safely. What even was that whole conversation about respect? He promised Liam that he would keep his promised, but he didn’t actually know what he signed up for.

Well, he knows that whatever it is that makes Liam the way he is must be something terrible and he’ll just have to obey, even if he never had it in him to do so.

Liam almost kissed him last night.

He confuses Zayn. A part of him wishes that they would just stop playing this stupid game of cat and mouse and do something about it, but the other part wishes that Liam never entered his life. But he did and there’s no going back. Zayn feels uneasy around him.

He’s afraid at the moment. What he went through shows how serious this whole situation really is. However, Zayn was always a fan of danger. Louis and he always did stupid things that often resulted in at least one of them being in serious trouble, if not both.

Liam was both trouble and danger and Zayn is sure that it’s the hottest he’s ever seen. God, he feels so stupid when even thinking of him. He needs to stay away from Liam.

Definitely. Yeah.

Shit.

The door opening and Louis screaming makes him come back from his thoughts.

“Zaaaaayyyn, you’re back!” Louis jumps on him and he stumbles a bit on the chair he’s been sitting on, but he manages to stay upright with Louis in his arms. “Oh, darling, I’ve had such a boring weekend without you.” He pouts and gives Zayn a kiss on the cheek.

“Lou.” Zayn sighs and hugs his friend hiding his face in Louis’ neck.

“What’s wrong, love. Trouble?” You have no idea, Zayn thinks to himself.

“No, Lou. I’m just tired. You know how I get on the road.” He lies to his friend but he doesn’t want to worry him. Louis will completely lose it if Zayn tells him what happened.

“Okay…” Louis gets off his lap and looks at him warily. “Harry’s coming over in a few, he’ll love to see you.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna make us something to eat, I’m quitting on this studying thing, it ain’t gonna work. Hopefully, I already learned it. ” Zayn says.

He gets up and lets Louis unpack. He goes to the kitchen and away from Louis judging look. He doesn’t even know what’s happening, but he caught on something. He knows Zayn very well.

Zayn hears the door opening again and he knows that it’s Harry. He takes his time with the food because he wants to give Harry and Louis some time alone.

He knows that Louis wanted for Harry to go with him back home, in Doncaster, but Harry refused. He always has some other things to do whenever Louis asks him to go out together on a college party or to go somewhere with him for a few days.

Zayn likes Harry, to be honest. He loves him, actually. The kid’s amazing and he never saw Louis like this before Harry. And on top of everything, he’s a great friend to Zayn. They’ve become almost like brothers in such a little time. However, Louis and he have been walking on eggshells lately.

And screaming that’s happening at the moment and the raised voices that are coming from Louis’ room are becoming the usual, unfortunately. They always kiss and make up, but it’s becoming too much.

A moment later Harry strolls through the flat and goes out slamming the door as he leaves. You can hear something hitting the floor and then Louis’ choked up cursing.

Zayn is just waiting for Harry to come back or Louis to chase him, but ten minutes pass and he’s still frozen there while nothing happens. He decides to go into Louis’ room.

He finds his friend sitting curled up on the floor and sobbing. He must hear Zayn coming in and approaching him because he starts talking.

“This is so not fair, Zayn. Why does it always happen to me and…” He pauses for a second a practically hisses the last of it: “Why am I such a fuck up?!”

Zayn storms to him and just takes him into his arms. Louis climbs up in his lap and holds like a monkey on a branch, for his life.

“Lou, what happened?” Louis just chokes on his tears. “Okay, buddy. Calm down ad tell me what’s wrong. Where did Haz go?”

“He left. I just couldn’t anymore. I told him to leave.” Louis says.

“Why would you do that? Lou, you…”

Louis stops him. “I love him, okay? It’s crazy.” He shakes his head and Zayn can’t believe what he just heard. “He’s the best thing I have at the mo’. Except you, he’s the only thing that’s good in my life. I have so much shit to deal with at home. Mom wants to remarry. She’s found some idiot that is probably only there for a short time and she wants to trap him and marry him. I don’t know what’s happening to her. That woman doesn’t resemble my mom anymore.” He sniffs. “Lottie’s in the worst period of her puberty, as you can imagine and the twins and Fizzy are too little to endure all that shit by themselves. And it’s really hard to know that all of that is waiting for you when you go home and you have to fight so hard to help them.” He grits his teeth. “He gave me hope again. He makes me so happy, Zee. It’s the best I’ve ever felt with any guy and I had all my hopes invested in this thing we had going on. I fucking fell in love with him when I swore I’ll never do it again. And he wouldn’t even try to do this thing for me.” Louis finishes sadly. He’s not even crying anymore, instead just sitting there in Zayn’s lap looking small and broken with nothing there to fix him up.

“What did you ask him to do, babe?” Zayn asks, knowing that Louis made a lot of mistakes and maybe he’s making a big deal out of nothing.

“I wanted a relationship with him. I asked him to come out to everyone. He looked at me like I had three heads instead of one and refused. I told him I would support him, but he said no again. Then I tried threatening him telling him that this is over if he doesn’t do it and he begged me not to say those things. I insisted and told him that he doesn’t care about me and he got angry and left without another word.”

“Louis.” Zayn sighs. “Harry cares about you, you idiot. He looks at you like the fucking rainbow comes right out of your arse! And he has problems and reasons he can’t come out right now.”

Zayn remembers Harry’s friends and how much times they insulted him for being gay. He can’t imagine Harry coming out and staying unharmed in those conditions.

Louis looks guilty and asks for Zayn to put him to bed before he leaves. He picks him up, even though it’s hard a bit and carries him to bed, tucking him in and kissing him on the cheek He looks him straight in the eye.

“You’re an idiot, but I love you.” He smiles and Louis sniffs. “Sleep it off and we’ll talk tomorrow.”

He leaves Louis in his room and goes to get ready.

 

* * *

 

 

He was a bit late but he was sure he’s going to make it on class on time. This was a really important test and he had to pass it or it would be much harder for him to finish this year of college.

When he was about to come into the building, his phone went off. He stopped, because phones weren’t allowed in class. It was his mother. He picked it up.

“Hey mom, I’m really busy at the moment, can you pl…”

“Zayn, please don’t hang up! Safaa’s been missing, son. We have no idea where she is. She left us a note saying that she’s on her way to see you.”

Zayn is frozen. His youngest sister has disappeared.

“What? Mom, she’s not here. She didn’t tell me anything!”

“She was crying after you left and she left us a note saying that she’s going to live with you because she misses you too much.” His mom starts sobbing and his dad takes over the phone.

“Zayn?” He sounds almost like him mom, but with more senses. “Look, Trisha’s not feeling well, can you just give us a call if she contacts you or comes there? We’ll do the same. Bye son.” And he hangs up.

“Yeah…” Zayn says and he’s gone completely pale. He can’t believe this is happening. She must be at a friends’ house, he would know because he did it all the time when he was a kid. He stops himself from worrying so much because he’s got a test to do and..

He freezes. His test. Shit.

He runs so fast to the room where he’s supposed to do the test.

“No, nonononono, noooo!” When he grabs the doorknob he finds the door locked. He twist it a few times and he hears someone unlocking it.

Thank God.

 

* * *

 

 

“Mr. Malik.” His professor says.

“Sir, I’m sorry. I…” Zayn tries but he’s cut off again.

“You are late and I don’t tolerate that under any circumstance. Come again next time.” And he closes the door again, locking it.

He doesn’t even know how he gets outside and to the bench without collapsing on the way. He’s in a state of shock from everything that’s happened that he doesn’t hear someone calling his name or approaching him.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam was coming out from a class when he saw him.

He looked so lost and scared and not really aware of anything. He just kept walking and almost tripping over something, but he didn’t even seem to notice it. Liam followed him through the college campus not really thinking about it.

Zayn looked like he needed help and since no one else was around, Liam couldn’t stand leaving him to himself in this state.

“Zayn! Zayn!” He tries calling his name but he doesn’t get a response.

He sees him dropping his bag on the bench and sitting on the other edge of it.

Liam sprints over to him. He seems to be crying, but Liam’s not sure.

He tries again: “Zayn?” Again, like he didn’t hear it.

Liam lifts his hand and tenderly touches his shoulder.

Zayn turns around and Liam is met with a completely broken angel.

His stomach makes a hundred flips from the mere sight, but in a bad way.

 

* * *

 

 

He thinks he’s about to choke on his tears he didn’t even notice when he feels a warm hand touch his shoulder.

He snaps from his state of shock and turns around to find a pair of brown eyes looking at him with worry.

“Zayn? What’s wrong?” Liam says softly and Zayn jumps from his touch like Liam’s hand burned a hole in his skin.

“Nothing.” He says briefly and grabs his bag to try and flee, but Liam takes his wrist when it was about to touch the bag. Zayn tries to pull out his hand from his grip, but Liam doesn’t let go. “I said it’s nothing, leave me alone! I have enough trouble and I don’t need to add you to it, okay?!” Zayn shouts.

There's a long pause.

“Sit down.” Liam says so firmly that Zayn basically melts down to the bench.

Liam comes to crouch in front of him letting go of his hand wich Zayn immediately brings to his head. He can’t contain tears this time.

“Tell me.” Liam says firmly.

Zayn considers not saying anything, but Liam puts his hands on his knees and he just breaks.

“My sister, she’s missing. They can’t find her anywhere. Last night, when I left the house, she was crying and wanted me to stay. I had to come here and she packed her stuff, left a note saying that she’s coming to London to live with me. She left and they can’t find her. My mom’s not feeling well.” Zayn gulps and Liam starts caressing his knees to give him a sign to go on. “Louis and Harry..”

Zayn looks up sharply at Liam because he just told him something about his best friend that he doesn’t even know but finds Liam nodding.

“I know about Harry. He’s my best friend. Go on.” Zayn sighs and goes on.

“They fought hard this morning and Lou’s an idiot and he’s in love with him but he fucked it up. They broke off... whatever that was. I was late on the most important test because of all of this and I’ll be having problems because of it all and I just wish that Niall was here because I think like I’m losing it, and he would make it better. I … I ca…”

He stops abruptly when he finds himself enveloped in a hug. Liam’s got his arms around him in a tight hug and he’s got his lips pressed on the top of his head. Zayn stops breathing for a moment and he feels Liam tense.

What Liam made him feel and all the things they’ve been through should make him run away and shout, but he thinks he hasn’t ever felt this safe with anyone. Not this way, so he sighs and breaths out harshly in Liam’s neck. Liam’s muscles relax and his lips find Zayn’s ear.

“You need to calm down, okay? If you don’t breathe and calm yourself, you won’t be able to help with anything, yeah?” He whispers and Zayn manages to nod. “Look, Louis and Haz are gonna be fine. Harry loves him as much as Louis loves him and they’re gonna make up, it’s just a bad day and they need to talk. You’ll talk with your professor and sort it out. He’ll let you do the test on time, okay? I promise. And your mom will be fine as soon as they find your sister, got it?”

Zayn does. He lets out the breath he’s been holding all while Liam was talking.

Zayn’s phone goes off in that moment and Zayn panics again. What if it’s bad news?

He's so still and almost forgets to answe, but Liam picks up the phone and answers before he can react. “Louis, um… I’m a friend of Zayn’s, he’s okay, yes.” Liam pauses and a smile spreads across his lips. “I will, okay. Bye.”

He looks at Zayn and smiles at him the most beautiful smile Zayn’s ever seen.

“Louis told me to tell you that your dad called and said that they found a little Malik midget hiding in a neighbor’s tree house, sleeping in her brother’s baby blanket and holding a paper with his address in her hands, completely fine and on her way home right now.” He chuckled and Zayn thought he was going to faint.

He leaned forward on his hands to breath and soon there was a forehead pressed to his. He opened his eyes to see Liam looking back at him. “You okay, now?” He asked with his voice all choked up.

“Yeah. Now I am.” Zayn smiled at him and Liam kneeled in front of him.

They were so close now. Both Liam and he were unable to move for a second as Liam’s eyes fell to his lips and he spoke.

“I’m glad you are.” He closed his eyes. “I know I’m the last person in the world you want to be with right now, but when I saw you in that state, I had to try and help. I should find a way to show you that I’m not as much of a monster as you think and…”

Zayn interrupts him shaking his head and their noses brush. “You aren’t, I just…”

“I am, though and don’t fool yourself.’’ He looks up at Zayn. “I just need you to know that I’m sorry for what I said. I really wish you could forgive me.”

He looks at Zayn’s lips again and when Zayn thinks that this is it and he’s finally going to kiss him, Liam gets up suddenly and Zayn too.

“I have to go, I’ve got some stuff to do.” Liam lies. He goes to leave but Zayn calls his name.

“Liam?”

He stops and turns around a little to see Zayn taking his bag and walking right past him with a smile.

“Thank you.”

With that he leaves Liam with a smile of his own and a blush staining his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments, pleeeaaase. :)  
> I wanna know what you think about this one. :*


	9. is like I'm waking up to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter, guys. :)  
> It's a bit funny, but nothing important really happens. This is only leading up to the next chapter, where we finally get what we wanted. ( 3:) )  
> Thank you all for your comments and kudos, I'm very grateful. <3  
> The next one will be here in two or three days, because I have a wedding to attend and I can't do this drunk or hungover. xD  
> I hope they don't throw me the corsage. No, no, no. Too young for that shit. xD  
> Here you, go. Enjoy. :*

It’s not easy, being the only son in the family, even with his dad being right there. Zayn likes taking care of his siblings, but it gets a bit hard when you consider the fact that his three sisters always need a backup when they get in trouble.

He was always there for them, of course. When Doniya brought his first boyfriend home and his dad didn’t approve saying she was too young and he was a bad influence, when Walihya snuck out of the house to go to parties, when Safaa broke mom’s stuff, he was there every time.

The other day, when Safaa disappeared, his mom was in a bad state and when he was late on the most important test of the college year, nobody was there for him. He knows that they would come as soon as he’d pick up his phone and call them, but he was just too far away for that. He couldn’t call Louis, because Louis would be in the same state as him and calling Niall and telling him what happened would just put him in worst state, considering that Niall would be more worried about things than he was.

He just sat on that bench and tried to breathe calmly, but the air didn’t come and he was completely in shock, all alone.

But then he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning around, he found the person he least expected looking at him with puppy dog eyes full of compassion.

He jerked back because from Liam’s grip because he didn’t understand this. Liam was the savage who always brought trouble with him and in that moment Zayn couldn’t stand another problem. That’s why he tried to pull back, but Liam didn’t let him.

Instead, he stayed there, caressing Zayn and calming him down. What he didn’t know is that he was burning holes into Zayn’s clothes whenever he even came close to touching him.

He answered Zayn’s phone when he was in loss of words and he leaned in to put his forehead to Zayn’s to give him a delicate smile that grounded him and calmed him. And it did, even if Zayn was a little bit worried about it.

Liam doing what he did isn’t something that just happened. Zayn might not know him really good, but he knew him enough that he was sure Liam did not do these things for just anyone. Maybe for his family and friends, but not for people that didn’t matter to him. Zayn didn’t matter to Liam.

Except for that almost-kiss. Again. Zayn didn’t know what to think or what to do about that.

 

* * *

 

 

He wakes up early again. He does that a lot lately, which is nothing like him.

He’s glad, though. He has more time to get ready.

He pours himself a cup of coffee and eats his breakfast in peace. He goes to check up on Louis, but he’s asleep and Zayn decides not wake him up, because he’s sure that Louis isn’t getting much sleep since he broke up with Harry. He cares too much to let it go so easily.

Zayn misses Harry. He’s gotten used to him being around all the time. He’s fun and happy most of the time and when you’re having the worst day of your life, you just have to make Harry smile and the way his eyes crinkle and the dimples in his cheeks show, you find yourself grinning despite of yourself.

He closes Louis' door and after getting ready, leaves the flat.

 

* * *

 

 

Entering the campus is a bit of a reminder of the other day, but he hears his name being shouted and he turns to see Alex running up to him.

“Zayn, hello.” Alex gets out and he’s panting from the running. His cheeks are a bit read and he looks kind of adorable.

Zayn smiles at him. “Hi, Alex, you okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just… I haven’t really run in a long period, so just let me catch my breath.” He crouches to make a point and both of them laugh at his ridiculousness. “Are you okay? You seem a bit off.” Alex asks.

“I had a rough day yesterday. And I was late on the test, so the professor didn’t let me do it.” Zayn sighs, looking at the ground.

“Damn. Well, I’ll just have to do everything in my power to cheer you up, then.” He grins at Zayn and he gets a smile in return.

Alex gets up and he puts a hand around his shoulders. It’s a long walk to the college and they keep laughing about stupid stuff that Alex says.

He’s a smart guy, though and Zayn loves the fact that he makes a fool of himself to make him laugh and to cheer him up.

They pass a group of guys in front of the college and Alex doesn’t notice someone looking at him with eyes on fire on their way inside.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam is woken up by rumbling in his kitchen.

The first thing he assumes is that it’s a burglar and he jumps out of his bed in confusion. However, he has a security system that would probably prevent a person to come in unannounced into his flat. He gets up and slowly gets to the kitchen.

What he finds in there is a messy mop of curls and a boy with earphones on who’s singing quietly to himself. Liam smirks and goes to pour himself a glass of water, not doing anything to disturb the person who woke him up, but then an idea pops into his head.

He goes to the boy and splashes him with the cold water from the glass. Harry gasps and turns around to gape at grinning Liam.

“You son of a bitch! What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Liam?!”

“I think that, considering that you woke me up and I had no fucking idea that you were here and still have no clue how you got in, I should be asking you that question.” Liam points out. Harry looks guilty for a second and then nods his head in agreement.

“Good point, yeah.”

“Can you explain to me why you are here this early?”

“It’s 10 a.m. already and we have classes in an hour.” Harry says.

“Oh.” Liam sighs. “Fine I’ll go take a shower. You can go take a new shirt from my closet.”

“Oh, I’ll just blow-dry this one.” Harry says dead serious and they laugh.

“Idiot. Go make breakfast.” Liam sticks his tongue out and turns to leave but stops in the doorway. “How did you get in here anyway?”

Harry just shrugs. “I have a key.”

“I didn’t give you one.” Liam frowns. Harry just shrugs again and turns to make breakfast.

Liam just sighs and shakes his head. He laughs a bit and goes to shower. He’s not even going to ask. He doesn’t mind at all.

They have breakfast and they get ready. Liam’s sorry he didn’t put on something warmer, because it’s a bit chilly outside, but he’ll live.

It’s a fifteen-minute drive to the college. In front of the door the other guys are waiting for them. It’s all hugs and saying ‘hello’, but after that, they get into their everyday routine of making jokes and laughing.

They still have five minutes until classes begin when he notices Zayn coming in.

With some guy. Hugging him.

Something bubbles up inside of him and he doesn’t understand why. This is new for him, this feeling of jealousy. Anger isn’t new for him, though and he’d love to show this guy some of it.

It hits him like a hurricane, what he’s thinking about and he just leaves the other guys, rushing inside.

He shoulders past Zayn on his way up, but he doesn’t even notice, because he’s too caught up in the guy’s story to notice anything, really. An elephant could pass right in front of his nose and he would still be looking at that guy.

Liam storms up the stairs and he doesn’t look back to see that again.

 

* * *

 

 

When Zayn gets home he’s greeted by quite a view. Harry and Louis are making out heavily on the couch and they don’t even notice when Zayn comes in.

Zayn clears his throat once, but they don’t react. Second time it’s much louder and not subtle at all and they finally break it up.

Harry looks a little bit ashamed and there’s a light blush on his cheeks, but Louis is grinning so hard that Zayn thinks that his face might break in half.

“I don’t want to know anything, I’m just glad it’s all fine.” Zayn raises his hands to make a point. Harry laughs, but kisses Louis on the lips and quickly gets up.

“’S okay, Zee. I should’ve gone home half an hour ago, but…” He looks at Louis and blushes. “I got busy.”

“Mhm, I believe you.” Zayn smirks at him.

He gives Zayn a hug and winks at Louis. “See ya, babes. I have a test tomorrow, gotta study for the damn thing.” He sighs heavily and gets out.

As soon as he closes the door, Louis jumps in Zayn’s arms throwing his legs around Zayn’s hips. “Zayn! He came here and he said he was sorry and we kissed and kissed and kissed and I just couldn’t be mad at him anymore. He told me he missed me and you know how much I missed him.”

Zayn goes and sits on the couch, Louis still clinging to him like a koala bear. “I’m glad it’s all fine.” Zayn smiles at him earnestly. “But I need you to be safe, Lou. You two have to talk about what happened.”

“We will, I promise.” Louis kisses his cheek and gets off him. “You worry too much, Zee.” He winks and goes to his room.

Zayn doesn’t think that he’s overreacting. He loves Harry, but Louis and he have been through everything together and he knows how Louis gets when he’s hurt. No one wants to see that, to be honest.

 

* * *

 

 

On the next day, Liam’s in a good mood. They had a guys’ night at his place last night. They drank a lot, though and Calum basically fainted on his pool table. Liam’s a bit hungover, but nothing a cup of strong coffee won’t fix.

He takes his stuff and leaves in the city, while he takes off to his classes. It’s boring, sitting and listening to the stuff the professors teach, especially if you’re hungover like Liam is, but he has to be here, so he endures.

On the way outside he’s going through his backpack to find his car keys, but he stops suddenly, when he sees Zayn sitting on the same bench like the other day.

He doesn’t even know what’s happening, but in the next moment he finds himself walking towards Zayn.

He’s only one feet away when he asks: “I hope you’re in a better mood than the other day.” He slides down to take a seat next to Zayn.

Zayn is surprised for a moment, but his expression changes into something mysterious when he sees that it’s Liam who came up to him. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Good.” Liam says smiling, but he’s not looking at Zayn. “You were freaking out, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen someone in that kind of state of shock.”

“I’m sorry. It was just too much to handle at the mo’.” Zayn says earnestly and pauses for a second. “Thank you, for what you did. You really didn’t have to, but I’m grateful that you did.”

Liam looks up at him and keeps his gaze steady for a good while, but in the end, he only nods. Then his face switches into something else and he smirks. “I had a feeling it would pay off.”

Zayn groans. “Hello, Liam. I was wondering when the usual you would show up.” Liam laughs and Zayn thinks it’s the most beautiful sound he’s heard from Liam, so he grins at him.

“Have I been missed, also?” Liam teases.

Zayn says: “No.” But he turns away and doesn’t look at Liam, so Liam thinks the blush on Zayn’s cheeks tells otherwise.

He won’t insist though. “Are you well enough to go to a party?”

Zayn thinks he didn’t hear well what Liam just said. “What?”

“There’s a party tomorrow night. That girl Perrie, who’s in your class actually, is throwing it.”

Zayn considers how to respond to this for a second. “Yeah, I’ve been invited.”

This is the moment that Liam’s been waiting.

“You’re going with your boyfriend?” He blurts out before he can chicken out.

Zayn turns to look at him with his eyebrows raised, but then he frowns. “Boyfriend? I’m not sure I’m following you with this.”

Shit. Liam will have to explain himself now and he doesn’t know what to say and not make a fool out of himself. “Um.” He sighs. “That guy that was hugging you yesterday in the entrance. You two look very close, so I assumed…”

“You assumed wrong, Liam.” Zayn interrupts him. “Alex… He’s just a friend. There’s nothing between us.” Zayn gets up to gather his stuff and Liam does the same.

“I’m sure he doesn’t think so.” Liam gets out. They turn away from the bench to go head to the college.

“It doesn’t matter what he thinks.” Zayn says angrily and he doesn’t know why. “Whatever. I need to go to class.” He says as he turns to Liam.

“Yeah, okay. I need to get home. Harry needs me to be there as soon as possible, apparently.” He says, frowning at his phone where’s 4 messages from Harry telling him to hurry up.

“Harry’s at yours?” Zayn frowns.

“Yeah, he thinks I’m in some deep trouble these days and wants to know why.” He smiles. “I love that curly bastard, but he’s intolerable sometime.” Zayn loves the look of fondness on Liam and the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles.

“Yeah, I feel your pain. I have a Louis back in the flat.” Zayn points out.

Liam smiles again and turns to leave. “I gotta go, Zayn. I’ll see you around.” He pauses and turns around to face him as he’s about to get in the car. “Don’t make it your habit, turning boys in your classes in a drooling mess when they’re around you and let them think there’s gonna be something, when it’s not gonna happen. Could hit you hard in the head, that.” Liam smirks.

Zayn blushes and looks at Liam. “How about boys from other classes?” He asks, suddenly brave.

Liam’s eyes blaze with fire when he says softly. “Just one.” With that he gets in his car and leaves.

Zayn shakes his head and feels the blush creeping up his cheeks. He gets inside quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave kudos and comments. :*  
> Thank you for reading. :)


	10. Only Half A Blue Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what I wrote here, hahaha. xD  
> Just read it, please. :*  
> Thank you for putting up with me. It's a hard job, I know. <3

“Zayn! Get up, you lazy idiot, I made breakfast!” He hears Louis scream from his doorway.

“Did hell freeze over? Am I there?” Zayn mumbles and tries to squirm away from Louis, who’s now trying to take away his bed covers.

“Fuck you. Get up. Now!” Louis can be really loud when he wants to. Actually, being quiet’s what he can’t manage.

“Ugh, fine. Get off.” Zayn groans and almost falls to the floor when he tries to get out of bed.

This is a very bad idea. Sleep, he likes sleep. He’ll sleep some more. Fuck Louis and his stupid ideas.

He’s about to fall back onto the bed when Louis screams his name again. He groans and gets up to go to the bathroom. He hears the neighbours knocking on the wall and telling them to shut it, but Louis just starts singing at the top of his voice. Of course he does that. The landlord will kill them both.

He brushes his teeth and goes to the kitchen.

“You need to stop that, Lou. This flat is the best we could afford and you’ll have to endure a bit. We need to keep this one.” Zayn says.

“Well, good morning to you too, sunshine.” Louis says teasingly. “I know, okay. I just really hate our neighbour. Did you see how arrogant he is?”

“The first time you met him, you were extremely rude, as I remember.” Zayn points out.

“Whatever. He’s a jerk, he would forgive me if he wasn’t.” Louis shots back. “Anyways, I made breakfast, sit down.” He grins.

Zayn sits down and his eyes widen at the meal that Louis puts on his plate. “Is it safe?” He asks dead serious.

“Yes!” Louis says desperately. “Now, eat.”

Louis sits down next to him and they eat in peace, listening to music on Louis’ IPod. Louis has a habit of listening to music all the time. He’s always got his earphones and the music is on even when he’s asleep. Zayn had to turn it off a couple of times.

“Are we going to Perrie’s tonight?” Louis asks with his mouth full.

“Um, I don’t know. I’d like to, but I have to study for a test and...”

“Ugh. Such a geek, love. You need to stop being one and we are going. Perrie would love to see you there.”

“I know. She’s been bugging me to come for a long time now.” Zayn sighs. “Fine, we’ll go. I only hope you won’t get smashed enough for me to carry your heavy ass home.”

“My ass is not heavy.” Louis sticks his tongue out and Zayn finds himself laughing at his ridiculous friend. “It’s wonderful and you know it.” He winks.

“Yeah, I admit. I probably love that thing more than I love you.” He slaps Louis’ butt as he’s passing to the sink to emphasise.

“Hey, don’t touch the merchandise.” He grins and Zayn laughs.

Louis picks up the empty plates and washes them. Zayn doesn’t understand why’s he doing this willingly, but he doesn’t care and he slips out to take a shower leaving Louis singing again.

 

* * *

 

 

When they arrive at Perrie’s, Zayn gets a little nervous and he doesn’t understand why. He just has a bad feeling. Louis keeps telling him not to worry and that everything is fine.

They had a chat with the landlord and Zayn was afraid that he’s going to throw them out on the street in the middle of the night, but that didn’t happen.

Instead of that, the old man just laughed and said that he understands that they are young and it’s perfectly normal for them to be loud and careless and that their neighbour is an old idiot without a life of his own, so he has a feeling that he needs to interfere in others’. Louis looked like Christmas came early and actually hugged the man, but Zayn just froze and couldn’t believe their luck. It all went well, but he still has a lump in the throat and he can’t explain it.

It’s a weird feeling he gets from time to time and he doesn’t care what Louis and Niall say, something always happens, good or bad. And it’s killing him from the inside right now.

They climb the stairs and their left slightly breathless when Perrie opens the door and gives them a once over.

“Wow, looking nice, boys.” She invites them in and gives them a short hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“You too, love.” Louis says back and Zayn must admit that she’s looks great, her hair too colourful for his liking, though. He sees all different shades of pink and purple this time and again, it doesn’t impress him. It just makes him wonder how she has any hair on her head left from all the dying.

“Come in and make yourself at home. Almost everybody’s here and...” She pauses. “Sorry if it’s a bit cramped, there’s a bit more people than I expected.”

She looks a bit uneasy, so Zayn comes to a conclusion that she’s not too happy about this situation.

“Someone uninvited came here? Are they making trouble, we can call the police...” Zayn starts, but he’s interrupted.

“No, don’t worry, they...” Perrie starts.

“There won’t be any trouble, I promised, Perrie.” Someone behind Zayn promises and Zayn can hear a smirk in his voice.

Zayn doesn’t have to turn around to see who it is. He knows that voice very well.

He just groans and shakes his head as the person comes up to them and Lou's eyes widen in amusement and shock.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam looks at Perrie’s and Louis’ face. Perrie looks at Zayn and she looks like she has a million questions, but she’s not going to ask them in front of Liam. Louis looks shocked for a moment, but the way his eyes shift to the groaning Zayn, his amused look is back on his face.

“You okay, Zaynie?” Louis asks and Zayn shifts his eyes up to meet his.

“I’ll live.” That’s the only thing that he says.

Perrie grabs Louis’ arm and takes him inside leaving Zayn and Liam to themselves. It’s quiet even as Zayn turns and leans on the door. He slowly lift his eyes to meet Liam’s but Liam see him checking him out.

Zayn is dressed all in black. His hair is a bit longer than when Liam first met him and it’s styled in perfect quiff. His skinny jeans fit amazing around his thighs and the black button up makes him look like he came on a photo shoot, instead of an average college party. His sleeves are rolled up and his collar is a bit more opened and his tattoos are peeking up on his glistening olive skin.

It’s all enough for Liam’s mouth to dry completely. He clears his throat and his voice sounds a bit chocked up when he talks.

“Are you that shocked to see me? I didn’t even get a ‘hello’.”

Liam smirks Zayn is quiet for a moment and then says.

“Hello Liam.” He smiles at the softness and uncertainty in Zayn’s voice. “I am a little bit surprised. It’s not like this is your usual company, so I couldn’t ever expect to see you here.”

Liam smirks and comes closer. “Why do you think you know me at all to assume that?” Zayn gulps.

“I don’t. And it’s none of my business, sorry.” He looks down.

Liam thinks of telling him that it is his business and that he should ask, but he’s gone really far at playing this game of cat and mouse with Zayn, so he comes up to Zayn and stops when he’s close enough that he can feel Zayn’s body heat.

Zayn looks up and looks at him with a slightly annoyed look. “You need something, Liam?”

Liam shakes his head and backs away from Zayn. “There’s a party in there, c’mon.”

And he’s gone inside, leaving Zayn to breathe again.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam went into the living room and Zayn followed him after catching his breath. He knew his weird feeling was about something, he just can’t believe that this is the cause of it.

Damn Liam and his persistence to fuck with his head. It’s making him lose his mind. He knows that Liam is trying to make him his little toy and the worse thing is that he’s succeeding. Zayn is totally wrapped around his finger at this moment and he hates himself for it.

He hopes Liam didn’t get the note yet.

The room is full of people. He recognizes his colleagues and Liam’s friends in the corner. They give him strange looks, especially Luke, but Liam’s glare makes him change that. It’s like he shrinks under it.

Zayn shakes his head and decides the best way to endure all of this is to get drunk as hell and that’s what he’s going to do.

 

* * *

 

 

After too many drinks with Louis and Perrie, Alex comes up to him, offering him a joint.

Zayn laughs at his hopeful look and he takes it from him. He finishes what’s left from it and Alex drags him to the middle of the room to dance.

Zayn doesn’t really like dancing, but the way Alex moves with him, makes him want to do it all the time. They sway together to the beat and Zayn doesn’t know if it’s the drinks or the weed, but he finds Alex extremely attractive and he has a sudden urge to lean in and kiss him until they’re both breathless. The look in Alex’s eyes is saying the same thing.

Alex is leaning down, and Zayn is kind of stuck waiting for the kiss he knows is about to happen, when someone suddenly bumps into them.

They both jerk away and Alex looks stunned to find Liam starring at him with his eyebrows raised in a silent question. What are you going to do?

He does nothing else but give Zayn an apologetic look.

Zayn just glares at both of them and leaves the living room. He finds and empty room, that he can only assume is Perrie’s, from the makeup everywhere.

He gets inside and closes the door. He sees that it has a balcony, so he goes outside. It’s a bit cold and he doesn’t have anything warm on, so he feels himself sobering and he doesn’t want that.

The door to the room open and close after a moment and he assumes that it’s Perrie, but when someone that doesn’t smell anything like Perrie stands next to him, he turns to find Liam looking at him with an unreadable look.

He sighs and goes to open the door and get the hell out of here, but they won’t open.

He turns to find Liam standing by the bed with an arm raised and the keys dangling in his hand.

Zayn moans. “What the fuck?! Give them back, Liam.”

“Why don’t you come and get them.” Liam says and all the blood drains from Zayn’s brain.

He doesn’t even know what he’s doing. He should be calling Perrie to open the damn door, so he can get out and leave Liam. Instead, he finds himself moving slowly, until he’s in front of Liam.

Liam is in the same position and he doesn’t move at all. Zayn just glares at him for a moment and he tries to get the keys, but he’s too slow and Liam throws them on the bed.

Zayn grits his teeth. He can’t believe the nerve of him. Liam has that challenging look in his eyes again. He’s looking at Zayn without blinking and it makes him shiver.

Zayn sighs and kneels down onto the bed to retrieve the keys, but as he’s about to get them, strong arms grab him and throw him on the bed. He turns around quickly to find himself pinned down by Liam.

He’s kneeling above Zayn and his lips hovering over Zayn’s. His eyes are blazing with fire and Zayn is stuck.

“What do you want, Liam?” He asks desperately.

“You haven’t figured that out already?” Liam says hoarsely.

“No, just...”

“Zayn...” Liam whispers and he leans his forehead on Zayn’s.

His brown eyes have golden shades in the dim lights and Zayn has a lump in his throat again. His entire body presses to Zayn as their lips finally meet.

It’s just a brush of lips for a second, but as want and arousal spread like venom through Zayn’s body and he presses back, Liam starts really kissing him.

It’s incredible and Zayn can’t believe it’s finally happening. This was what he wanted from the first time he met Liam and what he wanted all along. There’s a mixture of feelings and he doesn’t know which one is dominating. It’s the first time he’s feeling like this, as cliché as it sounds.

Liam pulls back for a moment, but Zayn doesn’t open his eyes. He bites at Zayn’s bottom lip until he does.

“Do you get it now?” Liam grins.

“I think I have an idea of what’s going on.” Zayn laughs, nervously because he can’t believe this.

“I wanted to do that for a long time.” Liam says seriously.

“Yeah, me too.” Zayn admits.

Liam releases his arms and starts kissing his neck. “I wanted to do more.” He pauses. “I still want to.”

All the blood that left Zayn’s brain suddenly rushes to his dick. “You can do that.” He cranes his neck to give Liam better access. “There’s no one stopping you.”

Liam groans and bites his neck before kissing him on the mouth again. This kiss has a purpose and Zayn can feel it this time.

Liam lifts his body to completely crawl on top of Zayn and he aligns their hips, so Zayn can feel Liam’s hardness on his through their clothes. As soon as he feels the outline of Liam’s hard cock, he moans and his hips shoot up and he breaths hard as they grind together.

He pulls back to look Zayn straight in the eyes as he sneaks a hand in between them to palm Zayn through his jeans.

It’s embarrassing how close he is already, but when he hears Liam moan above him at the sight of Zayn, he knows it doesn’t really matter. He’s going to come in his pants like a fucking teenager, but he can’t bring himself to care.

Liam pulls his hand back and he's grinding on Zayn again, kissing him fiercely. He’s so close and he knows that Liam is too. When he feels his orgasm building up and Liam thrusting erratically and because faith is a bitch, someone knocks on the door.

They both groan, but pull back.

“Zayn, are you in there?” It’s Alex.

“What the hell?” Liam hisses out. “I’m going to kill him.” Liam deadpanes.

He jumps off the bed to get to the door, but Zayn grabs his arm. “No, Liam!” He pleads.

“Are you in there? I need to get you home, Louis’ not feeling well.” Alex explains.

“Zayn?” Liam says as he looks at his face.

“I need to go, Liam. You heard him, Louis' not okay. He gets really bad when he drinks a lot.” Zayn grimaces and puts both hands on his head.

Liam reaches to him and kisses him quickly. “Go, your friend needs you. We’ll finish this some other time.” He smirks.

Zayn grins.“Definitely.”

Zayn tries to pull back, but Liam holds him in place. “One more thing. If you ever try to kiss this idiot again, or if he’s the cause I didn’t do everything I want with you, I will kill him, I swear.” Liam assures him.

Zayn laughs and kisses Liam. “Bye.”

“Bye.” Liam winks.

With that, Zayn leaves the room.

Alex looks surprised to see Zayn flushed and breathless, but doesn’t ask questions and Zayn is glad, because he doesn’t know how to answer them.

What the hell did just happen?

And when is it going to happen again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments on this, yeah? :D  
> p.s. I'm gonna have to work on the smut. xD


	11. Kinda there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go, another chapter. :)  
> I hope you'll like it, I'll update the next one as soon as I can.  
> Enjoy. :*

Liam’s still sitting on Perrie’s bed thinking about what happened with Zayn and already longing for his touch, even if it’s only been a couple of minutes.

He’s never felt this kind of attraction towards any of the girls he was with, not even Danielle.

Danielle. He freezes suddenly.

The fact that he has a girlfriend and that he was cheating on her with no one less than a man hasn’t even crossed his mind once.

Or the fact that the all of his friends will freak out if Zayn opens his mouth before Liam does and tells someone what happened tonight. They are completely sure that Liam is straight and would never look at another guy in a way they look at girls. His dad would decapitate him if one of them went to tell the story.

But the way that Zayn’s lips felt on his and the way that his body trembled with desire beneath his make all of those things less important.

He’s not going to be sorry for this, he won’t let that happen.

Not when he finally got what he wanted so much.

“Zayn...” Liam whispers to no one and exits the room ten minutes later.

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn’s lips still feel bruised when Alex pulls in and stops the car in front of his building.

His dick is not behaving, either, because he keeps replaying what happened with Liam in Perrie’s room, he’s been painfully hard for the last hour and he can’t do anything about it.

Alex has been quiet through the whole ride and Zayn doesn’t know what to say, either. It’s weird now, between them, after that they almost kissed. They both get out of the car and he finally talks.

“I hope Louis will be fine.” He says sincerely. “He was in a bad state when I saw them take him out of the flat.”

“I know, he gets like that when he drinks too much. But who took him home?” Zayn asks curiously.

Alex looks a bit apologetic when he says: “I’m sorry, but they offered to take him and I needed to get you. I...”

“Who, Alex?!” Zayn snaps.

“Ashton and Mike. Liam’s friends.” He says in a tiny voice.

Zayn gapes at him for a moment and then remembers how they obeyed Liam when he defended him and he knew that they wouldn’t do anything that would provoke him. He sure hoped so. He says: “It’s fine, Alex. Don’t worry about it.”

“I couldn’t afford to tell them no, but aren’t you worried how they’ll treat Louis?” Alex looks confused.

“A bit, yeah. But I don’t think they want to suffer the consequences of their stupidity.”

There’s a flash of something different on Alex’s face now. “Right.” He drawls out. “I forgot how much respect they have for their... boss, let’s put it that way.” He looks a bit disappointed when he says. “And he surely has a thing for you, doesn’t he.” It’s not a question, so Zayn doesn’t answer it.

“Louis will be fine.” He says instead.

Alex sighs and comes closer to Zayn. “He hit me really good when we were dancing tonight and he stared at me like he was going to make me bite my own head off if I don’t back off.”

Zayn shrugs. “I heard he’s like that.”

“He’s bad for you and it would be best to avoid him in future, for your own good.” His gaze drops to Zayn’s lips. It’s like before, a kiss waiting to happen. Only, this time, Zayn turns his head so Alex’s lips land on his cheek when he leans in.

“Good night and thanks for the ride.” Zayn nods and turns to go inside.

Alex laughs humourlessly. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” And with that he gets in the car and drives off.

Zayn shakes his head and goes to see how Louis is.

 

* * *

 

 

He opens the door to his flat and comes in to find Ashton and Mike sitting on his couch. They turn around to face him when Zayn makes clear that he’s in the room by clearing his throat lightly.

“Wow, he finally honoured us with his presence.” Ashton says amusedly.

“Where’s Louis?” Zayn says warningly.

“In your bed, I think. We didn’t know which one was his or which one was yours so we picked the closer one to the door. It turned out to be yours, but we were too lazy to carry him back to his.” Mike shrugged and Zayn laughed a bit.

“It’s okay. Um...” He paused. “Thank you for taking care of him. I know we haven’t been getting really well from the start and...”

“That’s because we though you’re too soft, man.” Ashton gets up while Mike goes to Zayn’s kitchen. “But you fought back that night Luke went at you. Sorry fo’ that, by the way.” Zayn frowns.

“Sorry for being suspicious, but why are you acting nice with me?” His eyes widen comically. “Did you kill Louis and Michael’s in the kitchen cleaning up the blood? Am I next?” He goes to peak in his room while Ashton cracks up clearly not offended at all.

He finds Louis snoring loudly like there is no tomorrow and sleeping deeply. His shoes and most of the clothes are off and he’s only in his black boxers. He looks comfortable, so Zayn goes back to the living room.

“Is he alive?” Ashton teases.

“Looks like it.” Zayn responds. He doesn’t think twice about it, just plops down on the comforter and sighs. He’s tired from this night. He just wants to crawl in bed and sleep for days.

“We didn’t kill him and Mike is probably stealing your food to make a sandwich because he’s a damn pig and has no respect for privacy.” Ashton grimaces.

“Fuck you, I heard that.” Mike says from the kitchen. “Is there any ketchup in this house?” He mumbles later.

Zayn laughs again. “What even is this night?” He says to no one in particular.

“Someone gave you a rough time? Your boyfriend Alex? We could take care of it, you know?” Ashton says dead serious and Zayn groans.

“No! He’s not the cause and he’s not my damn boyfriend. Why does everyone think that?!” Zayn says angrily. “And I actually don’t like hurting people for fun.”

Ashton raises his hands in surrender. “Hey, hey.” He grins. “We were all mistaken then, no worries. And we don’t actually hurt people for fun.” He smirks at Zayn. “But you already knew that, didn’t you?”

Zayn thinks of that night that Liam abducted him and when he said that he would get in trouble if someone found out that he let Zayn off the hook. “I don...” He rushes to explain, but Ashton interrupts him.

“Look Zayn. Liam’s like a big brother to all of us. He keeps us grounded and only makes enough rules for us to have a good life.” He smiles tightly. “He’s the reason any of us are even going to college.” He looks at the ground. “He might be young, but he’s like a dad to us, or at least a big brother. He’ll tell you himself, but you need to know that he hasn’t ever had it easy. Not even now, with the money and the reputation.” Ashton looks up into his eyes and Zayn’s breathing hard. “We know all the things about him, even those that he never shared with us. And we have no problem with anything Liam does. Or with anyone he likes, either.” He smirks and Zayn has no air left in his lungs.

“What?” He gets out.

Ashton doesn’t lower his eyes when he continues.“Luke’s a bit hard to deal with and he only ever listens to Liam, but his loyalty is with Liam’s dad first. And there are things he can’t ever know or Liam will have to pay. That’s why Liam keeps secrets from us.” He smiles at Zayn. “He has quite a thing for you.” Zayn blushes.

“Liam’s gay?” He asks.

“You haven’t got the message yet? Damn, he’s slower than I thought.” Ashton jokes and Mike laughs from the doorway. Zayn doesn’t know when he joined the conversation, but he doesn’t mind.

“Why are you telling me all of this?” Zayn asks.

“We want Liam to be happy and you seem to have some kind of power over him that would also make him open up to us.” Mike makes a point.

“Yeah. We want to give something back to him, to be there for him, but he never tells us anything.” Ashton says and Mike seconds that.

“What about his girlfriend?” Zayn looks away stubbornly and both boys groan as they get up and out on their jackets.

“Danielle’s a rotten bitch. He’s only dating her for his dad and other people would think that he’s straight and she’s dating him for the ‘fame’ of being Liam Payne’s girlfriend.” Mike says.

Zayn keeps quiet as he escorts them through the hallway to the door.

“Think about it, yeah?” Ashton says softly. “I swear he’s more than worth it.”

Mike pats Zayn on the back and they leave the flat leaving Zayn stunned and completely sober at this point.

He sighs and goes to his room. He lays down next to still sleeping Louis and falls asleep after a while.

He dreams about plum lips pressing down on his and desire blazing through Liam’s eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

Louis has a terrible hangover in the morning and doesn’t get out of the bed even to go to the college.

Zayn tries to talk to him and Louis promises to tell him later on, but he refuses to move. Zayn gives up eventually and decides that he’s going to please him.

He gets ready and goes to his classes.

He’s tries his best to listen to his professors and after hours of trying to be calm and to listen, he’s the first out of the door after only the half of his classes are over.

As soon as he gets out, he lights up.

He’s nervous after last night. He has no fucking idea what’s wrong with Louis and he wants to help, but he has a feeling that Louis would refuse.

The conversation with Ashton and Michael left him more than restless. He has three thousand different feelings creeping through his body and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

And if that wasn’t enough, the rain starts falling, it starts pouring, to be exact.

He didn’t think of bringing an umbrella because he didn’t have brains to think. He just stands there, already completely wet with a fag dangling from his fingers when someone speaks.

“You don’t look very comfortable.” Liam teases.

Zayn smiles in spite of himself, but doesn’t turn around to face him. “I hate the rain.”

Liam doesn’t say anything, so Zayn turns around to face him. “You cold?” Liam’s much closer than he thought, but he doesn’t mind at all. Zayn nods and Liam smiles.

“Need a ride home?” Liam offers.

“I can’t go home. Louis...” Zayn sighs and closes his eyes.

“I know, I heard.” Liam says softly. It’s a bit quiet for a moment. “You’re soaking wet.” Liam says and Zayn looks up at him.

“You too.” He tosses back.

“Well, we better get out of these wet clothes then.” He smirks and Zayn blushes. Liam laughs. “C’mon.”

He takes Zayn’s hand and leads him to his car., the cigarette staying behind forgotten on the wet ground.

Zayn goes obediently and Liam smiles the whole time. They get in the car and Liam drives off.

The whole ride is spent with Zayn teasing Liam about his taste in music, while little blush creeps from the bottom of Liam’s neck. Liam groans and turns off the radio and the rap songs coming from it are cut off, leaving them to laugh it all off. It’s more comfortable than Zayn thought it would be.

They stop front of a building and Zayn finally remembers the that Liam never told him where they were going and he was too busy looking at the way Liam’s eyes crinkle when he smiles to ask.

“This is where I live.” Liam explains and he gets out of the car. Zayn follows him out of the car and up the stairs. As soon as Liam unlocks the door and they walk in, Zayn gets hit by the familiar smell of Liam.

“Make yourself at home and I’ll get you something else to wear, okay?” Liam says and breaks Zayn out of the trance he didn’t know he was in.

“Yeah.” Zayn stands weirdly while Liam goes to what Zayn assumes is his room.

He hears him opening his closet and scrambling through it. After a minute he exits the room with dry clothes in his hands.

“The bathroom’s on the left, you can change in there.” He says and hands Zayn the clothes.

“Thank you.” Zayn says and leaves Liam on the spot where he was a second ago.

He enters the bathroom and takes off his wet clothes, putting on Liam’s.

The plain white T-shirt Liam gave him also smells like him. Zayn smiles at that while he puts on black sweatpants that are big on him, but he doesn’t mind. He takes his wet clothes and puts them on the pole above the bathtub to dry.

He takes a look at himself in the huge mirror on the wall, fixes his hair the best way that he can just by using his hands and sighs. It will have to do.

He looks different in Liam’s clothes and wonders if Liam will like it or not.

Exiting the bathroom he almost trips and falls. His nerves are killing him.

He can’t find Liam anywhere, so he enters the living room.

It’s huge, that’s the first impression. There are some decorations on the golden-black painted walls and a big TV hanging on the fall in front of a giant black leather sofa. Black tiles should be cold under his feet but they don’t feel like that. They’re warm.

He notices pictures on the shelves and he comes closer to take a look.

It’s Liam when he was a kid. His eyes are the same brown and they crinkle the same. His hair’s a bit curlier and lighter, but it’s definitely Liam. Zayn loves it.

There’s a woman holding a baby on the other pictures. A baby that Zayn assumes is Liam. She has the same brown eyes and a warm smile as she looks down at him. Zayn can feel the closeness.

“It’s my mom.” Liam says from behind him. Zayn snaps back and turns around.

Liam smiles tightly and looks at the picture for a moment. Zayn feels guilty for invading his privacy.

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes.

Liam looks at him and says. “Tea?”

“Yeah.” Zayn says. Liam nods and disappears into the kitchen.

Zayn sighs and goes to sit on the sofa. He wonders if maybe coming here with Liam wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Liam comes in after a few minutes bringing two mugs and gives one to Zayn.He sits next to him on the sofa while they drink in silence.

You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

Liam turns to him with a determined expression. “I’m going to tell you everything.” He says softly. “I want you to know what you’re dealing with.”

Zayn shivers in anticipation, but nods and takes Liam’s hand in his.

Liam grips it tight and sighs.

And then he does what he promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think that happens next, hm? :D  
> Leave some kudos and comments if you liked it and thank you for reading, you are lovely. :)
> 
> If you want to ask something or talk to me in private here's my Twitter:  
> https://twitter.com/MickeyCcEa  
> :)


	12. But not quite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys. :)  
> I'm updating again, I know it's sooner than you thought, but I had to. :)  
> I won't be able to write anything for the next couple of days, I have other commitments. :/  
> Here you go, this is a new one where Liam finally opens up and lays his soul in front of Zayn. :D  
> And something else, too. xD :D  
> Enjoy reading and leave comments and kudos if you liked it. Much love. :* <3  
> p.s. We're only half way there. xD

“My parents met in college. Dad was studying law because my grandfather wanted him to be a good and wealthy man. He worked hard to give my dad everything that he needed, the best schooling, money, a house. He had it all. This gorgeous blond girl stole his heart on the last year of his college. He used to say: “She just stormed in my life and made me fall in love with her in a single moment. All the guys wanted her, but she chose me in the end.” He was so proud when he told us things about her. But she brought him trouble, too.

She was the daughter of the biggest drug lord in Europe that happened to study law at the same college like my father was. He didn’t know a thing about it, for a good while. They were together for a few months and my dad was deeply in love, so when he found out the truth, he chose to stay with her. She was fighting with her father and she never wanted to carry on with the business, but when she married my dad, the money they had wasn’t enough to keep living. That’s when my dad lost all hope and stopped fighting it.

He went to see her father and he found him on his death bed, desperate for his daughter to come back home. Nothing else mattered. The man made him his heir, but only if he promised to be just like him, to reign the same way. If he didn’t, he and his whole family would be murdered in cold blood.

My mom cried a lot, she didn’t want to come back to that world, but she loved her father and mine, so she accepted to come back. Her father died soon after that and my dad was the biggest fish in the sea after that.” Liam sighs. He looks tired and exhausted, like he hasn’t slept for days.

Zayn’s really tense, to be honest. This story is not going the way he expected. It’s much worse and it’s not even finished.

Liam continues. “I was born just after my mom had gotten her college degree. They had two daughters before me, but I was the first son. The pride of the family, my dad always said.” Liam looks at the ground.

“She was killed..” His voice cracks and Zayn shuts his eyes. “I was only six years old. I remember her, I think. I remember her telling me how much we meant to her and how she’ll always be there to protect her. Dad took her with him on a job deal and things went wrong, he tried to protect her, but he was late. They shot her.

By the time they got us in the hospital, she was barely alive. My dad was broken. He sat on that hospital chair beside the bed. He wasn’t talking, or crying. He wasn’t moving at all. He just sat there. I tried to talk to him, I begged him to look at me and to hold me because I was scared, but he didn’t move.

They let me and my older sister in her room for a minute. She was battling for her life, but the last thing she said was: “Don’t ever let him become like my father, Liam. Don’t let him forget who he was before.” She died a minute later.”

Zayn’s shivering at this point. He can’t believe this happened to Liam. This can’t be the reason he’s like this.

“Liam, you don’t have to continue.” He says softly.

Liam looks at him. “It’s okay, Zayn.” He raises his hand and brushes it across his cheek. Zayn leans in to the touch. “I’m okay, now. I can’t change any of it.” He says firmly. “I need you to know.” Zayn nods again.

“The moment the nurse told him about mom’s death, I expected to see him break, but he just gritted his teeth and jumped out of his seat and left. His men took us home. I didn’t see him for days. He wouldn’t come home at all. He dug himself into his work and didn’t spare any time to even check how we were. Nicola and Ruth tried their best to take care of me, but I needed a parent and he wasn’t there for me.

When he finally appeared, he acted like everything was fine, like my mother never even existed.” He grits out. “That day, he sat us down and told us that he’s sending my sisters in a boarding school for girls and me in a different one, with boys only.

I spent the rest of my life in there and when I turned sixteen, he brought me home. I lost touch with my sisters after a few years. They finished school and went abroad for college and work.

My dad finally gave me some attention, but only to teach me things about the job. I didn’t want in, but I had no choice. That’s how I met the other guys. They were dealing drugs for him in different parts of London.Luke was the main source and my dad’s right hand, but he fucked up once and he was degraded to what the others were.

I slowly learned everything there was to learn and the boys helped me through it, especially Luke, but he saw me kissing a guy one night and told my dad about it. I spent a week locked up in a room with no food for the punishment and Luke also.”

Zayn gasps. “What?”

“Luke had to report everything to my father. He thought that my dad knew about me liking boys and he said it as a joke. That’s why my dad did it to him. But I was something else. I was his son.

“They are ignorant faggots, Liam! And you are not a faggot! You are my son and you need to be respected and feared! ” He screamed at me until those words were imprinted in my mind. He fucked me up so badly, Zayn. He told me that that guy was a mistake and asked me if there were others. I lied saying there was no one else. All the guys I dated in the boarding school didn’t matter anymore. I had to be straight and I was since then. I only dated girls.

My dad taught me to be tough, not to care about anyone and to step over dead bodies if I had to do it, just to make things the way I wanted.” He pauses and looks deeply in Zayn’s eyes. Zayn’s breath hitches. “And I did.”

“Liam.” Zayn whispers. “Did you kill anyone?”

“No, but I hurt them really badly.” Liam says honestly.

“Did you want to?”

“Sometimes.” Liam shuts his eyes. “But not anymore.”

Zayn feels tears that fret to fall down, but he blinks them away.

“How about Harry? Does he sell drugs?” He has to ask because of Louis.

“No, no.” Liam shakes his head. “Harry went to the boarding school with me. He has no parents and my dad took him in like he was his son, so he wouldn’t go back to his stupid family.” He smiles. “Harry has a way to charm people without even saying a word. But he was treated different, because he didn’t have the same obligation. He does some paperwork in my dad’s office, on the legal part of the job he does.

I have an image to obtain, that’s why I have to be the way he wants it. I listened to every word he said, until I met you.”

Zayn looks up to find Liam’s eyes filled with something else.

“Everybody that knew about my reputation feared me and backed off even if I only pass them on the street.” He smiles. “But, you fought back, even if you knew deep inside that it wasn’t the smartest thing.” His expression turns into a familiar smirk and Zayn grins. “That was more than enough to catch my attention. And I resisted until I couldn’t do it anymore. Then, I made it my goal to do everything until you were mine.” He has honestly.

“That’s a bit possessive, don’t you think?” Zayn raises his eyebrow.

“Do you mind that?” Liam asks as he sits closer to Zayn. Zayn considers it for a moment and he’s pretty sure that he doesn’t mind at all. He doesn’t respond after a while and Liam laughs at a silent confession.

His expression hardens. “I need you to think about what I told you Zayn. I won’t do anything that would hurt you.”

Zayn snorts. “I’m a big boy, Liam. I know how to take care of myself and I trust you enough to know that you’d never hurt me on purpose.” He says firmly. “I’m just pissed that you had to live through that hell and that you had to obey your father’s orders like a dog.” He hisses out as he jumps out of his seat and goes to stand by the huge window.

It stopped raining, but the weather is still shitty.

“It is the way it is. It’s over, though. I’m not doing it anymore. I'm fighting it, like my mom did.” Liam says from the sofa.

Zayn turns to him. “Thank you for telling me all of this.” He says gratefully. “I know it was hard.”

Liam nods. “Like I said, you need to know who you’re dealing with.”

It’s quiet and comfortable for a whole minute until Zayn breaks the silence.

“It stopped raining.” He says and Liam gets up to see by himself. He stands next to Zayn and he braces his hands on the window sill.

The light from the outside throws different shades across his face. He looks like a piece of art waiting to be made and Zayn has a sudden feeling to paint him again.

He’d use every warm colour in the palette and he thinks it still wouldn’t be enough to present the way he smiles and the way his voice fills the room as he laughs sincerely, or the darker shades to show an edge to his expression when he’s angry or worried.

There aren’t enough colours in the world that would suffice, Zayn thinks and laughs softly. That seems to break Liam out of his thoughts.

“What?” He asks.

“Nothing.” Zayn lies. “Um, I should go, it’s getting late.” He mumbles out.

Liam looks at him with an unreadable expression. “Okay.”

Zayn moves from the window and the nervous feeling is back.

He gets into the hallway and he remembers that his clothes are still wet and he still has Liam’s on. He turns around to see if Liam’s following him so he can ask him to borrow these clothes until he gets his dry at home. “Can I borrow your cl...”

He doesn’t get another word out because Liam’s got both hands cupping his cheeks as he kisses him. Zayn doesn’t spare a second to think this over. Instead he kisses back just as hard.

Liam’s lips are moving over his with a bruising force and he moves his hands from Zayn’s cheeks. One goes to the back of his head to stop him from moving away, not that he’d even think about doing that. The other wanders slowly over his chest, around his hips to rest at the small of his back. He pulls Zayn closer as they break their kiss with a wet sound.

They’re both breathing heavily. “Don’t go yet, yeah?” Liam rests his forehead on Zayn’s. Zayn’s unresponsive for a second, but in the end he nods.

Liam grins and scoops Zayn up easily so that his legs go around his hips. Zayn laughs at the sudden movement, but doesn’t protest as Liam takes him to his room.

“You look so good in my clothes.” Liam groans and cranes his head as Zayn kisses his neck and sucks little bruises on it. “I wanted to do this since the moment I saw you in them.”

He puts Zayn on the bed and crawls on top of him. He kisses him again, with less force and more purpose.

“Are you on board with this?” He asks against Zayn’s lips.

“Yeah.” Zayn breathes out.

“You sure? I don’t want to pressure you into something you don’t want to.” He kisses Zayn’s neck as his hands roam over Zayn’s skin under his T-shirt.

“Liam. ” Zayn gasps out. “I am totally, a hundred percent, no doubt on board with this, now kiss me.” Zayn orders and Liam laughs, but obeys.

He takes off Zayn’s (Liam's) T-shirt and kisses slowly down his chest. Zayn has one of his hands in Liam’s hair while the other’s gripping the sheets.

Liam sucks one of his nipples into his mouth and sucks on it, while he plays with the other with his hands. Zayn keens. He’s already hard and Liam hasn’t even touched him properly.

Liam kisses lower and lower, until his at the waistband of Zayn’s sweats. He uses his tongue to tease Zayn, until he’s pushing Liam to go further down and he does. He pushes the sweats off his body in one swift moment and Zayn is completely naked, while Liam’s still fully dressed.

Zayn snorts. “If we’re going to do this, I’m not going to be the only one who’s naked, Liam.” Liam chuckles.

“What are you going to do about it, then?” He says huskily as his hands roam every part of Zayn’s body except that one where Zayn needs him the most.

Zayn pushes Liam back and straddles him. He grabs the hem of his shirt and franticly pulls it off him. Hi eyes scan what’s in front of him and yeah, he’s all muscles and broad shoulders. Just like Zayn imagined he would be and even more. He kneels above Liam as he pushes him back on the bed. “Take these off.” He gestures to Liam’s grey sweatpants and Liam lifts his hips so Zayn can pull both them and his boxers at once.

When Liam’s finally naked he flips them and pins Zayn down onto the bed. He kisses him hungrily this time, lips bruising and teeth clanging. Their bodies align and Zayn can feel every inch of Liam’s skin against his. When their cocks brush together, Zayn moans loudly and Liam takes that as a sign.

He takes both of them in one hand and starts jerking them both off. Zayn bucks his hips and soon they have a rhythm. It’s quiet in the room and all you can hear is slapping of skin on skin.

Liam’s moves become more erratic and his head drops to Zayn’s neck. Zayn wraps his hand around Liam’s and they move in unison. The other gets tangled in Liam’s hair as he pulls hard on it.

He feels his orgasm building inside of him and a minute later, his breath hitches and he spills over their hands. As Liam feels him coming, he follows only seconds later, white spurts coating Zayn’s stomach.

They stay like that for a while, until they come down from their high and their breathing calms.

Liam gets up, then. He disappears from the room, but comes back with a wet cloth and he cleans Zayn up. He takes it back into the bathroom lying down next to Zayn when he comes back.

He pushes the covers over them and Zayn turns to him. Liam’s grinning and Zayn can’t help but do the same.

He shuffles closer, until their inches apart again.

“I liked that.” Liam says.

“Yeah.” Zayn whispers.

Liam’s expression changes into something more serious. “I hope you won’t regret this, Zayn.” He leans in and kisses him lightly on the lips.

“I don’t think I could, after wanting this for so long.” Zayn confesses and blushes.

Liam’s face softens again. His hand moves over Zayn’s naked back, drawing an invisible pattern over it.

“Stay? I’ll drive you home later.” He asks hopefully and Zayn nods.

He lets Liam’s small touches and the sound of his breathing lull him into sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam takes him home after they wake up and get dressed.

They make out in Liam’s car for fifteen minutes in front of Zayn’s place, until a message from Louis makes them let each other go.

He writes his number on a piece of paper he finds in the car and puts it in Liam’s front pocket.

With one last kiss on the lips, they say goodbye.

 

* * *

 

 

As soon as he comes home, he takes a shower and goes to talk to Louis.

He looks broken and Zayn is not used to seeing that. Louis was always strong and loud and happy. This thing really hurt him to the smallest bits.

He sits next to him and gives him a huge bear hug to help him talk.

“I had sex with Harry last night. It was awesome, like always.” Louis starts.

“Ew, I don’t need to know.” Zayn teases, but Louis doesn’t smack him like he’d usually do. His face is expressionless. “What’s wrong, Lou?” Zayn asks, concerned for both of his friends.

“I was talking about a real relationship again, a serious one, but he wouldn’t listen. He told me that I didn’t understand anything. When I asked him to explain what the fuck was wrong with us, he said that he can’t and that I would probably run away if I knew the truth. I ran away from him last night even if I didn’t. It was the best thing ever, what I had with him. ” He pauses. “But it’s over and I’m done with trying and fighting for someone who never fights for me.” Louis finishes.

“Louis, you..” Zayn wants to explain things to Louis, now that he knows the truth. Louis will have to understand that it’s none of Harry’s fault.

“No Zayn. Don’t say a thing.” Louis says firmly. “I don’t want us to have anything to do with him and his stupid criminal friends. They’re probably the biggest reason all of this is happening. Imagine if we got dragged in all of that shit.” Louis snorts.

Zayn snaps his mouth shut.He can’t say a thing to Louis.

He’s going to lose the best thing that happened to him in a while and Zayn can’t do anything to help him.

Louis grabs his cigarettes from the coffee table and lights up. He does that, sometimes. This time, Zayn doesn’t say a word to stop him.

He takes one out himself and lights it, letting the smoke calm his nerves down a bit.

It doesn't help much.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo? :)  
> Thank you for reading, you're awsome. :* <3 !


	13. I'm walking 'round with just one shoe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter. :D  
> Sorry for not updating sooner, I wanted to do it yesterday, but I didn't have time.  
> Here you go, the next one will be here as soon as I can write it.  
> Love you all for reading.  
> Enjoy. :*** <3

A few months later, things are pretty much the same. The holidays passed in a blur, for Zayn. Christmas was spent with Louis and their families celebrating Louis' birthday and getting terribly drunk with his friends at home.

He barely remembers New Year’s Eve. He spent it with Greg and Niall and some family members and friends in clubs. He remembers camera flashes from people taking pictures and a dozen beers with Niall. They drank tequila at midnight and it’s really foggy from there.

He knows that he found Niall making out with Maria outside beside the trashcans and he went inside to get totally wasted after that. He remembers some girl giving him colourful drinks that she didn’t want and some guy kissing him, but Zayn pushed him away.

They passed quickly and soon enough, they’re all back in college.

Liam and he didn’t define their relationship. They still clung to each other and spent some quality time together, which mostly consists of sex, but they were taking this thing they had really slowly aside from that.

Zayn made it quite clear that he’d been hurt in the past and that he did a lot of stupid stuff before Liam.He told him that he didn’t trust himself to be in a relationship when he would be the one to fuck it up.

Liam would just nod and keep quiet after those words and his expression was unreadable.

Zayn was confused, but he didn’t think better of it.

After a few months doing this with him, Zayn saw that he didn’t like the idea of a relationship with Liam, which is weird because Liam was what he wanted for so long.

Liam looked like he didn’t want a relationship either, because after being with Zayn, he was still dating Danielle and it didn’t look like he was going to break up with her anytime soon.

Zayn was never the cheater type, but he couldn’t give up on Liam so easily and to feel sorry for Danielle. He’ll push him out when he’s ready, but now he’s not.

He loves the way Liam’s hands feel on his body even after they both come down from their high. They roam his body all over again as those lips and teeth leave more marks on Zayn’s skin than he thought they would. He loves his sent and his soft hair clinging to his forehead from the sweat, his effortless laugh and the warm quiet fire in his crinkling eyes.

He’s doing his best to shield himself in the best way he can so he doesn’t fall for him. If he does, there will be so much pain and he doesn’t think he’ll manage to survive without scars. He might be acting like a savage cat sometimes, not trusting anyone, but he’s scarred of being hurt all over again.

Louis and Harry didn’t make up after that night at Perrie’s. Louis refused to listen to either Harry or Zayn and Harry eventually got tired of trying. It was useless, he was sure of it.

Zayn met Harry on college a few times and they had coffee together. They talked about Louis and Harry told Zayn, all choked up, that Louis would never understand why he couldn’t come out yet.

It was hard for Zayn. While Louis was his best mate for years, but Harry was really close to sharing the spot with him. He didn’t know what to do about it.

Greg was still after his ex, he couldn’t let go even after things she did to him. Zayn knew that she was a bad person, but if Greg thought there was hope, he had to be there for his friend.

Niall, the one with most brains of them all still has none of that when it comes to Maria. After New Year’s Eve, they only saw each other once and basically made out again, but they didn’t talk about anything. It was quite frustrating. Zayn knew that Niall was head over heels over this girl and when he met her and teased her about Niall, she blushed like a tomato. It was adorable and Zayn knew that they both felt the same, but they didn’t do anything about it.

Yeah, nothing much changed. Still the same people, still the same shit and no idea in his head how to help solve it. He’s going to end up with a serious brain damage if he doesn’t, though.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam looked over at his girlfriend who was sitting on the sofa looking at him furiously and waiting for an answer to her question. Or twenty, Liam thought. She was good looking, he has to admit. But the curls and the curves just don’t do it for him anymore. He wants hazel eyes that aren’t rounded and with expensive and useless makeup. He wants lips that taste like coffee and smoke and instead of cherry lip gloss, a firm male body beneath his hands. He is so over with this shit. That’s why says: “Yeah, Danielle. There’s someone else.”

“What the fuck, Liam?! How long have you been cheating on me? Who is she?” Danielle squeaks out and Liam turns around to look out the window, because he can’t stand to look at her stupid face anymore.

“It’s none of your business.” He says with complete coldness in his voice. He hears her yelp and gather her things. She’s leaving, Liam thinks to himself, that’s good. She stops suddenly and Liam turns around.

“Liam.” She moans and runs to him curling her arms around his waist and leaning her head onto his chest. “I’m sorry for screaming, okay?” She sniffs and Liam rolls his eyes.

“You have the right to, Dani. I cheated on you.”

“No, no, no.” She rushes. “I don’t care, I forgive you.”

Liam kind of expected this to happen. “I don’t want you to forgive me.” He says.

“Liam, please. I love you, don’t do this.” She insists, but Liam knows it’s fake. He pushes her away and she looks surprised, but her expression turns angry again.

“You love my money. You love the way I treat you just how you like it and I buy you things to keep you happy and I never ask for anything in return.” Liam growls. “That’s what you love about me.”

Danielle looks stunned for a moment, but she grimaces and then laughs darkly, wiping her faked tears away. “Busted, ha?” She looks at him. “Yes, Liam. That’s all this relationship was to me, but it could’ve been so much more.” She raises her hand to touch his face, but he dodges it, going to sit on the sofa. “But, no.” She drawls. “You never showed interest in me, no matter how hard I tried, so I took advantage of you.” Danielle confesses. “Why not? Everyone else would do it.” She comes to stand behind Liam and bends down to whisper into his ear. “I hope she’s worth the trouble you’re gonna get in for this, babe.”

“More than worth it.” Liam says softly with a smirk on his mouth.

Danielle grabs her belongings and snaps at him. “Fuck you both, Liam! Fuck you straight to hell!” And she’s out the door.

Liam leans forward and puts his head in his hands. Yeah, he’s going to get in trouble.

His dad’s always telling him that his son needs a respective woman in his life and he adored Danielle.

He sighs to himself. And then he groans.

Shit. Zayn.

This was all because of him. Liam becoming himself once more and becoming a completely new person at the same time, it was all him.

Even if he didn’t want Liam for a long-shot relationship.It hurt him, the way Zayn literally stumbled into his life and became the most important part of it. It pained him even more that he fought this feeling so much and he still ended up in love with Zayn.

He laughed softly.

“What am I going to do about you, Zayn?” He said to an empty flat.

Zayn made it pretty clear that he would never love anyone, ever again.

Liam was no exception.

He got up and took his phone, dialling Harry’s number. He needed his boys tonight.

As Harry picked up he simply said: “Bring booze and the boys.”

Harry laughed and promised to do it.

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn was back home for the weekend. He needed a night out with Niall and Greg. It’s been too long since they’ve done it.

At the moment they were in a club, dancing and singing at the top of their voices. Cigarette after cigarette, drink after drink, all the boys and girls offering themselves to them. They took it all. It was nice not to care for one night, even if they regretted it in the morning. It was worth it.

Zayn was dancing with Niall to their favourite song when he saw him. The world stopped, like always. He was wearing loose jeans and a hoodie that was big on his body, looking careless as always, black smooth hair rolled up into a quiff. He high-fived all of his friends as he passed them through the raving crowd. Then his green eyes fell upon Zayn.

Zayn froze and it caught Niall’s attention. He turned around to see who it was and when he did, he groaned.

He glared straight at David who immediately shrunk under his glare and turned around and left.

Zayn sighed heavily and Niall hugged him. “’S okay, bro.” He smiled and Zayn laughed suddenly. “What?” Niall asked, confused.

“Good to know he’s still afraid of you.” Zayn said and Niall smirked.

“I’ll break every bone in his body if he ever comes near you again.” He says easily and Zayn hugs him. “You okay?” Niall asks.

Zayn doesn’t really know. It hits him like a wave, every time he sees David. “I think I am. ” He says. “Get me a drink?” He smiles and Niall nods. He kisses him on the cheek and goes to fetch a drink.

Zayn just stands by the table, thinking of what just happened.

David was the first guy he loved and the guy he loved the most. He was ready to give everything he had to him and David knew it and took advantage of it.

He used Zayn to do all kind of different things for him, while Zayn hoped that helping him would get David to love him back. He did, eventually, Zayn thinks. He could see it in the way David looked at him when it was all over. But it was too late. Zayn was already over with that shit and he buried everything deep inside, becoming strong and cold towards everyone who wanted to hurt him.

Whatever David wanted form him, or anyone else, Zayn wasn’t going to do it. He won’t get hurt again, not if it’s in his power. He didn’t love him anymore, but seeing him always reminded Zayn of a fool he was and of the pain he went through.

He told Liam about him and Liam would hold him tightly and protectively while gritting his teeth. Liam would beat the hell out of him if he ever met the guy, Zayn was sure.

He sighed, thinking of Liam. The buzz from the drinks was catching up with him and this was not a good moment to think about guys. Zayn shook his head as Niall reappeared with drinks in both hands.

“Tequila?” He shouted over music with a grin on his face.

“Tequila.” Zayn nodded and they took their shots enjoying the way it burned their throat.

 

* * *

 

 

The boys were dancing around and wrestling on the ground of Liam’s flat while the music was blasting through the speakers.

Liam was sitting on the sofa looking with wide eyes at his phone in his hands. He sobered up when he realised what he had done. He didn’t mean to send the damn message, but he still did.

He groaned as he took another beer from Harry.

He was so fucked if Zayn doesn’t react well.

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn was on fire. The alcohol has taken over him completely at this point. He goes to sit for a bit and check his phone for calls and messages, leaving Niall and Greg with their friends on the dance floor while he took his seat.

He pulled out his phone out of the pocket and unlocked it. There was only one message and it was from Liam.

Zayn smirked down at the phone and he opened the message.

He stared quite long at it, not knowing how to react. He didn’t move for what felt like hours, not quite breathing, until Niall appeared in front of him and shook him to ull him out of his trance.

“Zayn, what’s wrong?” He wiped at the tears that Zayn didn’t know were coming down his face. “Zayn?”

Zayn just shook his head and got up.

“Outside?” Niall asked and Zayn nodded his head furiously.

Niall grabbed his hand and pulled him through the sea of bodies, until they were finally out.

“What happened?” Niall was panicking.

Zayn handed him the phone and Niall read the message. As expected, his reaction was completely different from Zayn’s. “This is what you’re crying for?” He grinned and came up to him, cupping both sides of his face making Zayn look at him.

“Niall...” Zayn started, but Niall shook his head.

“You’re an idiot.” Niall kissed his forehead and hugged him, while Zayn hugged back just as tightly. Niall was the only thing keeping him together, as always.

“I don’t understand, Niall. Why would he say this?” Zayn gasped. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Yes, you do.” Niall tightened his grip on Zayn. “He would be a fool to think and feel otherwise.”

Zayn laughed slightly. “You’re enjoying this so much, aren’t you?”

“Oh yes I am.” Niall sang and Zayn laughed again. “Look.” He pulled back to look at Zayn’s eyes, so Zayn was forced to listen. “I don’t care what you have to say, you’re getting on the first train tomorrow morning, after we drink our coffee and you’re going to go to him to tell him that you’re an idiot for waiting so long to tell him, but you’re a lovely idiot and you’ll agree on anything he says because Niall said so, yeah?” He grinned and Zayn laughed hard.

“You are an idiot.” He said.

“A lovely idiot, ain’t that true?” Niall grinned.

“Yeah, I’m doomed.” Zayn said, still laughing. “Thank you. I love you so much, Ni.”

He said honestly. “You’re very welcome.” Niall said happily. “Love you, too Zaynie.” He kissed his forehead. “Can we go inside, now, I’m freezing my balls off.” He said cheekily and Zayn pulled him inside.

 

* * *

 

 

In the morning they drank their coffee and as promised, Zayn gathered his stuff and got on the first train to London.

He looked at Liam’s message and sighed.

_“I know he’s probably there and you’re having a breakdown, but in the end you’ll come back to me and it’ll be fine. I love you.”_

Liam loved him.

What was Zayn going to do about it?

He slumped further down into his seat with an unreadable expression on his face.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam woke up to a terrible hangover. He groaned as he pulled himself out of the bed and went to take a shower.

The boys were long gone and the place was clean when Liam came out of the shower and into the kitchen. His house cleaner’s gonna have a heart attack one of these days, Liam’s sure.

He makes himself a cup of coffee and goes to sit in the living room while he recovers from last night.

Last night. He eyes his phone on the table.

“Fucking hell...” He moans into his hands.

It all comes rushing back to him, the thought of the message he sent to Zayn hits him like a brick and he jumps out of his seat.

“What am I gonna do?” He groans. “I’ll kill myself.”

He’s embarrassed for what he did. He does love Zayn, but he figured that he was going to tell him when Zayn finally reciprocates the feeling, or never if he doesn’t.

The loud knocking on the door makes him want to jump out of his skin.

He’s almost naked, only a towel wrapped around his hips, but he rushes to open the door.

When he does, his heart sinks into his stomach.

Zayn doesn’t wait for him to invite him inside. He just enters Liam’s flat leaving a stunned, half naked Liam in the doorway.

Liam slowly shuts the door and turns around with an apology on his tongue when Zayn speaks.

“Did you mean it?” He asks quietly.

Liam turns around to fully face him. “I don’t know what you mean, I was...” Zayn comes closer so that they’re only a few inches apart and interrupts him.

“Liam.” He says sternly and Liam’s stuck.

He looks at Zayn and pushes even closer to Zayn. He puts his hands on his hips and looks at Zayn’s eyes. “What If I did?” He asks instead of answering, but Zayn doesn’t respond, so he closes his eyes and goes to say something, but warm and soft lips cover his and he gasps into Zayn’s mouth from the shock.

This wasn’t how he thought that Zayn would react, but his heart is doing flip-flops because he is.

As soon as he presses back into the kiss, Zayn pulls back and laughs into his mouth.

“This is so not going to work, Liam.” He says, but when Liam opens his eyes, he’s smiling and Liam smiles back.

“I know. It’s a terrible idea, you and I.” Liam guides him into the living room, never breaking the contact. His hands remain on Zayn’s waist and Zayn’s hands around his neck.

They stumble and fall onto the sofa, Liam on top of Zayn.

“Are we doing this, then?” Zayn asks and grins.

“What do you think?” Liam shots back, a matching grin on his face.

“You love me.” Zayn says and Liam buries his head in Zayn’s neck. “I think we just might give it a shot.”

“I know you don’t feel the same.” Liam says and Zayn tenses. “But it’s okay, you don’t have to say it back until you do.”

“What makes you think I will?” Zayn asks, still tense. Liam kisses his neck and pulls back to look into his eyes.

“You already do.” He smiles. “You just haven’t figured it out yet.” Zayn blushes under his gaze. “And I’m going to do everything to help you with that.” His lips brush Zayn’s. “I’m going to call you mine, look at you like you’re mine...” He pauses and bends to suck a bruise on Zayn’s neck, but comes back after he’s done. “Mark you, so you know you’re mine. Kiss you like you’re mine...” He pecks his lips. “Until you’re completely and utterly mine.” He finishes.

Zayn’s eyes are heavily lidded, but his pupils blown wide.

He likes possessive Liam.

“Deal.” He says as he drags Liam into another bruising kiss that starts in the living room, but ends in Liam’s bedroom an hour later, his coffee and the towel long forgotten.

 

* * *

 

 

Later that day, while they’re still in bed, he gets a message from Niall.

_“I got jealous of ur crazy relationship drama, so I decided that I needed some of my own. I asked Maria 2 b my girlfriend n she said YES. We’re so fucked, bro, but it's worth it! :D I luv it. :D Luv u!”_

He grins and smiles into Liam's neck, going back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments, yeah? :D xx


	14. I'm half a man, at best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took sooooo long. -_- I'm sorry.  
> I'll do my best to post the next one sooner.  
> A lot of feels for this one, I loved writing it.  
> It also has a tiny Louis P.O.V. :)  
> The next one will have more twists and turns, though.  
> So, I know you waited long for it, I won't keep you anymore. ;)  
> Here you go, enjoy. xx

It’s been a hell of a week, Zayn must admit. He had tests and stuff outside of college to take care of and he’s just exhausted. He thought of staying in London for the weekend, but he knew that if he stayed, he’d just get even more tired of moping around the empty flat since Louis is also going home.

He’d also get homesick and that’s why he decided that he’s going home to see his family, he needs that.

Him and Liam are said their goodbyes the other day when Liam and the boys were leaving for a trip. Liam said that he needs to go and do something for his dad, since the man is getting a bit suspicious because Liam hasn’t even called in for days.

Zayn has this weird feeling again and he knows it’s a bad one, but hopes Liam will be fine and that he won’t do anything stupid.

They kiss inside Liam’s flat for a long time, until they’re interrupted by a blushing Harry dragging Liam out of the flat and Zayn’s arms saying that the guys are about to riot if he’s anymore late.They kiss once more and Liam turns to leave, but not before he whispers: “Mine.” He’s looking at the love bite that he left on Zayn’s neck and smirking when he looks in his eyes. Harry rolls his eyes and drags him out of the flat while Zayn laughs and blushes.

Liam leaves for France and Zayn get’s to his place with Louis already waiting for him.

“I got your stuff, let’s go, let’s gooooooo!” He says rushing to grab everything and leave as soon as possible. Zayn knows he hasn’t seen his family in weeks and he knows how much Louis finds it hard without his mom and sisters. “Where the hell have you been?” He asks.

Zayn blushes and says. “Let’s just go, Lou.” He grabs his stuff and hopes Louis didn’t forget anything.

They leave the flat smiling like idiots at each other and Zayn’s licks his lips, still feeling Liam’s taste on them.

He blushes again, turning away so Louis doesn’t notice.

 

* * *

 

 

Being home is something everyone craves, Zayn’s sure. This feeling of joy he has when he hears his sisters giggling through the house and his dad laughing at his mom while she tries to keep them calm, but laughing along even if she didn’t succeed has no price for him.

He’s in his room, having a lay down after the dinner. He called Louis to see if he got home alright and to say hello to the girls. After that, Niall called him on Skype and they agreed on going out the next night. Zayn told him that he’ll probably bring Louis along, because the fucker’s always asking about Niall and he hasn’t seen him in months. It’s going to be a hell of a night, Zayn’s sure.

After an hour or two, the noise stopped, so Zayn assumes that everyone’s probably gone to bed. He shuts off the computer and goes down to the kitchen to have a drink and a smoke.

Not everyone’s asleep. His mom smiles at him from the kitchen table while sipping on her tea. “I thought you’d come down eventually. Want some tea?” She asks.

Zayn smiles at his mom. “Yeah, mom.” He sits next to her while she gets up to pour him a mug of tea.

“So, anything new in college?” She asks as she gives him the mug. The tea smells great and when he takes a sip of it, it’s even better.

“Um, not really. I had a lot of tests last week and I’m waiting for the results now. They should be out soon.” He says. “I did well, I think.”

“That’s good, love.” She grins. It’s comfortable silence for a few minutes when his mom talks again. “What about boys?” She says.

“Um,Lou’s doing great. He…” Zayn starts, but when looks up into his mothers eyes, he blushes because she’s full-on smirking at him. “Right.” He says while nodding and his mother cracks up. She was asking about other kind of boys.

Trisha comes to her senses after a minute. “I’m sorry, baby. Your face was just precious.” She laughs again and Zayn shakes his head.

“Even my mother takes me as a joke.” He says but he’s got a smile on his face. She winks at him and grins.

“So? Any boys, Zayn?” She asks again.

“None of your business.” Zayn scoffs, but he can’t contain the smile that’s creeping up on his lips.

“Ooohh!” His mom sings. “Tell me, tell me, tell me.”

“It’s nothing serious, mom.” Zayn says and his mom rolls his eyes.

“It’s never serious with you, boy.” She says matter of factly.

“Mom…” He starts, but she interrupts him.

“No, Zayn. I want to know about him and I want you to tell me.” She says sternly.

“Fine, I will.” He figures that if he doesn’t tell her anything, she’ll bug him about it for days. “Liam. His name is Liam. We study in the same college. Um…” He stops because he can’t really tell his mom that his boyfriend’s a son of a drug lord and that he kidnapped him and that Zayn actually didn’t mind. “He is a year older than I am.” He continues. “He’s all buff on the outside, all sharp edges.” He swallows thickly. “But he has a soft spot for the people that he cares about and that makes him vulnerable and a whole different person.” Zayn smiles and catches a weird look on his mother’s face.

“He sounds interesting.” She pauses. “And you? How do you feel about him?”

Zayn thinks about the question. “He makes me feel confused.” He admits and his mother cracks a smile. “He made me question every decision I ever made about relationships and being with someone. I like him and I like it that he likes me back.” Zayn grins.I like the sounds he makes in bed. He doesn’t say that out loud, of course and he gives himself a mental slap for thinking about those thinks while in the same room with his mother. “He has faith in me and he knows that I’ll help him be a better person, even if I have no idea how to do that.” Zayn looks at his hands.

“Honey.” His mom coos. “Are you in love with him?”

Zayn freezes. He thinks he must look like a deer caught in the headlights.

His mom looks at him curiously and Zayn knows that she must be confused but he can’t answer her question without questioning himself first and that’s exactly what he’s been postponing from the very moment he met Liam.

“Mom.” Zayn grimaces and shakes his head.

Trisha sighs heavily. “Okay, okay. You don’t have answer that question. I’m being nosy.” She smiles sadly and Zayn feels guilty now.

Great, he thinks, guilt is never a good thing to feel when it comes to his mother. He sighs and takes her hands in his.

“Mom, it’s not that I don’t want to answer that question.” She looks at him expecting some kind of confirmation and Zayn shakes his head. “I don’t know.” He says. “Sometimes I think that I might and God knows that Niall’s always telling me that I’m a fool if I think that I’m not, but.” He pauses. “I’m so used of fighting love and romance and any kind of feelings towards guys that I date, that I’m doing it with Liam all over again.” He admits and drops his head.

It’s a bit quiet, but Trisha grips his hands a bit tighter and she starts speaking.

“I’m gonna tell you something, sunshine and no interrupting, yeah?” Zayn nods. “Good.” She continues. “I don’t know what happened to you in the past and I’m sure as hell that you’ll never tell me and I don’t expect you to.” She assures him. “I only know that you never brought a boy home and that you’ve never stayed up all night talking to them on the phone. You never blushed when someone teased you, only rolled your eyes like it’s not a big deal. And I know it wasn’t. But you should know something.” She pulls on his hands so he has to look up into her eyes. “The more you run away from love, the faster you’ll need it in your life, Zayn. And when it finally catches up with you, you won’t even realize it is right there in front of your eyes. And you might push it away and destroy it even before giving it a chance. That’s when you’ll know what true pain is, when you finally lose your love.” She actually smirks then and that surprises the hell out of Zayn. “I’m not going to tell you what to do. I’d just love to meet the boy that’s made a blushing mess out of my son.” Zayn groans and she laughs. “He’s changing you, love and I’m sure he’s not even half way there. What I’m sure of is that he is not gonna give up on that, or you.”

“Not even my mother is on my side.” Zayn whines and Trisha gets up and kisses him on the cheek.

She puts the mugs in the sink. “Figure it out, love. Don’t let it be too late, yeah?”

She doesn’t wait for an answer, just exits the kitchen leaving a wide-eyed Zayn alone.

What the hell? He brushes a hand over his head and gets up, turns the lights off and goes to his room.

He doesn’t think about Liam, he still refuses. Even if his mom and Niall keep telling him that he should.

When he falls asleep, it’s much different and he can’t control it.

He dreams about warm chocolate eyes and soft touches across every par of his skin, while Liam’s laugh echoes around his mind.

 

* * *

 

 

“Iii juuust waannnaa fffeeeeeell, reeee…”

“Shut up, Harry!” Ashton groans from the back seat. He’s trying to sleep while Harry can’t stop singing really loud and fooling around.

Harry sticks his tongue out and looks out the window.

Liam giggles at his friends.

Luke’s driving the other car, with Calum and Mikey.

Liam thought they should get one car, but Harry insisted on two since there are five seats and six of them.

Luke tried to convince Mike to go in the trunk and promised to provide him with food while the drove and he actually thought about it, but Liam laughed at them and said that it would be two cars, or one of them is going home.

They all kept quiet for a second and then laughed their ass off later.

Liam has to meet some of his dad's clients in France because he couldn’t attend to it. He’s not feeling very well, he told Liam. He thinks he should be sorry for him or even worry, but he can’t bring himself to do it. His dad has the best doctors and if something’s wrong, they’ll help. He can’t do anything about it.

He hates that he had to come and do this, but when he thinks about it, he might as well enjoy the trip.

After they’re done in France, they’ll go to Spain or even Italy. He misses the sea and the sun in Europe these months of the year. It’s spring and maybe they won’t get to swim in the sea, but they can still enjoy it.

The only thing missing or better said the only person missing is Zayn. He’d love to take him along, but that’s not possible at the moment.

He sighs and looks at Harry and Ashton who are both asleep at this point. He smiles at the view and looks back at the road going back to driving.

 

* * *

 

 

Louis looks at his mom and sisters from the doorway.

All the girls are playing on the ground, aside from Lottie, who left for a date.

His mom catches him looking and smiles at him warmly.

Call him a mommy boy, he doesn’t care. This woman is the greatest thing he has in his life, before his sisters.

He winks at his mom and goes into the kitchen to grab a snack when he hears the front door opening and soon enough Lottie comes in.

“Hey, Lou.” She smiles and comes over to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Hiya.” He grins. “How was your date?” He asks. He still can’t believe she’s old enough to date.

“Ugh, don’t remind me, it was horrible. I had to lie to get away from him.” She grimaces.

Louis laughs. “He was cute!”

“Well, you take him. I’m done.” She says.

“He’s not my type.” Louis says to make a point.

Lottie smirks. “What is your type, big brother?” She raises he brow. Louis sticks his tongue out. “A certain curly giant?”

Louis shivers from the mention and his expression changes in a second to something bad.

“Curly giant? Where did you get that?” Louis asks to distract her.

“I’ve been talking to Zee, he has more patience with my questions.” She shrugs.

“Zayn? I’ll kill the fucker.” Louis deadpans.

“Oh, shut it.” Lottie says and gets up. She comes up to Louis and hugs him. “You gonna tell me about Harry?” She’s persistent.

Louis drops his head onto her shoulder. “It doesn’t matter, Lo’. We broke up.” He whispers.

She hugs him even tighter. “What? Why?”

It’s quiet for a second, but eventually Louis speaks.

“I’d love to say that he was a jerk, but he wasn’t. I wish he didn’t love me enough, but I’m sure he did.” He pauses. “I don’t know what happened. He just didn’t want me for a long shot, I guess.” He finishes quietly.

Lottie just grips him tight and she doesn’t let go for a long time.

They stay like that for what feels like hours and Louis is sure that this is what he needed.

 

* * *

 

 

The next night, Zayn picks up Louis and they go to Niall’s place.

They go out after that and they get spectacularly drunk, just what they needed.

Zayn gets his mind off some things, even if Niall’s a constant reminder of it. He’s always teasing and making fun of blushing Zayn, but he hugs him later and kisses up for it and Zayn can’t resent him for anything. He probably never will.

Niall and Maria dance and kiss and Louis spent half of the night telling them to stop sucking faces or he’ll choke them both. Maria laughs and Niall just flips him the bird every time with a shit-eating grin in his face.

Greg disappeared eventually and when Zayn asked Niall where he was, Niall just sook his head and Zayn knew that he went somewhere with Jenna.

At one point, he lost Louis in the crowd, only to find him making out with someone on the dance floor.

He knows that Louis is too drunk to care, but he’ll regret this in the morning, that’s why around four o’clock in the morning, Zayn decides that it’s been enough and that he needs his bed soon, or hell crash on the bathroom floor.

They take Maria and Jenna home and Niall and Greg go to their place, while he drags Louis to his place and in his bed.

They’re a drunken mess and they’re still in their clothes, but they fall asleep tangled up into each other as soon as their heads meet the pillow.

 

* * *

 

 

Louis leaves in the morning with a terrible hangover and cup of strong coffee in his hands that Trisha made for him.

He needs to go back to London, but Zayn’s classes for the next week have been canceled and he’s staying home. Good for him, at least he doesn’t have to travel to London with a hangover like Louis.

He’s lying in his bed when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out to find a new message from Liam.

He smiles.

_‘Just saw something red n thought how good the color looks good on u.;)’_

Zayn snorts and types back.

_‘Seriously? You should give me back my red jumper then, you’ll stretch it out anyways.’_

Liam responds within seconds.

_‘No :p’_

And then:

_‘What r u up 2?’_

Zayn sighs.

_‘A hangover. :(’_

_‘Haha LOL. Told u not to drink so much. :p’_

_‘Yeah, well.'_

The next message makes his stomach flip and he blushes.

_‘U still mine?’_

Instead of responding, he types:

_‘How’s in France?’_

_‘Nice change of subject. xD I can't wait to ask u in person. ;) It’s good, we decided 2 go 2 Spain and Italy, since we don’t have classes next week’_

_‘:p Me neither. Have fun, ;)’_

_‘I’ll try. ;)’_

And then.

_‘I miss u. Wish u came along. Maybe next time?’_

He wishes he could do that, but he knows that’s impossible.

_‘I hope so. Miss you too. :p’_

_‘I know. x) Gotta go now, have work to do. Be safe, yeah? xx’_

_‘You too. xx’_

They wrap it up and Zayn’s goes back to sleep with a smile on his face and his lips forming a single word on the brink of sleep.

‘Yours’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good? Bad? Tell me? :D xx


	15. With half an arrow in my chest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ' So kiss me where I lay down, my hands press to your cheeks,  
> A long way from the playground.  
> I have loved you since we were 18... ' :D Love the new album, so many fanfic ideas. xD
> 
> :) Hi, everyone. This is a new chapter.  
> I'm sorry for what happens in it, but I need to make something bad happen so I can make good things happen right after it, okay?  
> Plus, I miss the hot!Liam and blushing!Zayn scenes and this is gonna make it happen. x)
> 
> Don't hate me for it, I'll make it up to you. <3
> 
> Go on now, read. :) xx

He stirs away from his sleep from the sound of a motorcycle engine roaring down his street. Damn it, he was having a good rest and now it’s over.

He turns his head from the ceiling to the window to let the morning sun wake him up slowly. He stretches his arms above his head yawning.

Zayn has spent the last week at home with his family. He didn’t have classes, so he decided that he doesn’t need to go London for nothing. He can be a lazy ass at home, too.

Louis went back on Sunday morning with a horrible attitude given the fact that he drank his weight in alcohol the night before.

He heard from Liam almost every night. The guys and he were in Italy by this point, in some little town Zayn can’t name right now because he was too busy paying attention to the sound of Liam’s voice, than to what he was actually telling him.

They didn’t see each other for almost ten days now. Most of the people would be going crazy by now and they’d do everything for the sake of seeing each other, but Zayn was okay with Liam being gone for so long.

He knows that Liam’s had it bad for the last few months and that he needs to get away. He also knows that those five idiots he calls friends are the most important thing in his life and that they’re keeping him safe and happy, or reverse, doesn’t matter.

Zayn is glad everything is okay for a moment and then he snorts to himself. He has a feeling that it’s not going to be like that for much longer. This is too good to be true.

He shakes his head and gets out of the bed to get down for breakfast.

 

* * *

 

 

Niall’s friend Josh has a birthday on Saturday night. Greg, Niall and Zayn have a lot of more important things to do and they have to study for really important exams, so of course they ditch everything and they go to the party.

They arrive at ten, so almost everyone is already here.They hug Josh and give him their best wishes and then they’re headed to their booth.

They don’t really expect to get that drunk, but around half twelve Niall’s dead to the world, sleeping on his chair and snoring loudly. So embarrassing, but Zayn smiles fondly.

When he enters the bathroom a few minutes after leaving Niall with some friends, he finds Greg making out with some girl. She’s not even that pretty, Zayn thinks, but she was playing around with them the whole night and unlike Zayn, Greg couldn’t resist.

He looks up to find Zayn glaring at him, but he just flips him off and goes back to the girl.

Zayn is stunned, because he knows that Greg loves Jenna, but he finds himself not caring that much and he smirks and goes back to the party.

He doesn’t care about anything at this point and as he gives in to the alcohol and the blasting music. They drink even more and dance with everyone who comes up to them.

He makes the biggest mistake in the meanwhile, but he doesn’t even understand he made it.

They go home around two in the morning, Greg and he practically carrying Niall and trying to make him stay quiet so they don’t wake up Niall’s parents.

They put Niall in his bed, while Greg and Zayn fall into another one.

His dreams are a bit foggy, but all he sees clearly are Liam’s colorless eyes.

 

* * *

 

They came back yesterday, but not a day can go by that Liam does not see these guys. He’ll never get tired of them.

When he’s the happiest, these guys make it even better with their crazy and endless energy and when he’s at his worst, they do the same.

They decided to go out tonight, to celebrate the fact that they had the most amazing time in the places that they visited. Right now, they’re in the club they always go to. It’s Liam’s favorite place in London.

Liam’s head is buzzing. He knows he has to drive them home and he knows that he should probably stop drinking this much and be a bit more responsible than the others, but he still downs all the shots Calum brings him.

He loses himself in the sea of bodies soon enough after drinking eight.

Some slutty girl asks him for a dance and he lets her guide him until they’re completely pressed against each other. She grinds her hips onto his and whispers dirty nothings into his neck while her cherry lips trace a path on his skin until she suddenly sucks a mark there. Liam moans and he knows it’s going to be a huge one. He ducks his head as she lifts her head up and kisses him sloppily.

The beat of the music changes and he suddenly realizes what’s happening. He tries to push her back gently, but she doesn’t want to let go.

He fists a hand into her hair and pulls hard until she lets go.

He pushes her away and storms out of the club.

As soon as he gets out, he breaths in heavily the cold air, letting it fill his lungs and sober him up.

His mind screams a name and his lips form a frown as he realizes what he’s done.

 

* * *

 

 

When he wakes up he looks up to find Niall sitting on his bed glaring at him and Greg, who’s sitting beside him on the bed and laughing.

“What?” He asks Niall.

Niall glares even more at him for even asking that question. “What did you do, Zayn?! Think about it!” He snaps and Zayn looks at Greg who laughs even harder at his brother’s expression. “This isn’t funny, you idiot!” Niall says.

Zayn gets up fast and that’s when it finally hits him that he falls back onto the bed.

“Shit.” He curses.

He remembers how Niall got sick and he threw up in the bushes outside. Greg took him inside after that and he got back to sleeping on his chair. Greg went back to that stupid girl Zayn caught him with. And Zayn?

Zayn remembers foreign hands roaming every inch of his body as the nameless man presses him harder and harder into the concrete wall behind the club they were in. His kisses were rough and his lips tasted wrong. It was all so wrong, but it still happened. He shivers at the memory of awful sex that happened after that and leaving the guy right after, not even waiting for him to pull his pants back on.

He wants to punch himself really hard right now, but he has a feeling Niall might beat the hell out of both of them before he can even blink one more time.

“I cheated on Jenna and you cheated on Liam.” Greg breaks the dreadful silence.

“Fuck.” Zayn groans.

Niall starts shouting then. “What were you thinking, you idiots?! Greg, as much as I hate that bitch of your girlfriend, she’s still your girlfriend and you love her.” He says to his brother. “She needs some respect. And Zayn?” He turns to look at him and Zayn’s heart aches. Niall doesn’t look angry, but disappointed. That’s even worse. Zayn facepalms. “I thought you were finally getting somewhere with Liam. I hoped you were happy with him!” He says desperately. “And now you had to blow it all up.”

“He doesn’t have to know.” Greg says pointedly.

Niall snorts. “He’s covered in fucking love bites! A blind man would see it from a mile away.”

Zayn’s eyes widen and he jumps from the bed and runs into the bathroom.

He throws up everything he had to eat and drink in the past twenty four hours. Greg comes with him, running a soothing hand down his back while Niall stands in the doorway with a pained look in his eyes.

“It’s okay, buddy.” Greg says but Zayn shakes his head.

Nothing is okay.

He fucked up badly. Again.

 

* * *

 

 

He goes home after breakfast. It was quiet and Maura kept giving them worried looks, but none of them spoke.

Greg went back to sleep and as he was about to leave, Niall grabbed his hand and followed him out to accompany him until they reached Zayn’s street.

They walked in silence for a while, never letting go of each other and breathing deeply until Niall spoke.

“I won’t see you for a while now.” Zayn nodded. He won’t be coming home for a month. “I need you to be safe, yeah?”

“Aren’t you mad at me?” Zayn asked sadly.

“Yes. I’m pissed.” Zayn looked at the ground and Niall gripped his hand tighter so he looked up again. “But I love you.” He said pointedly. “And I know you weren’t yourself last night and I wasn’t either.” He shook his head. “I wish I was sober enough to stop you when you went out with that guy.”

“Niall. It’s not your fault. You…” Zayn starts desperately, but Niall stops him.

“Yes it is. We take care of each other. I couldn’t take care of you.” He says stubbornly and Zayn wants to slap him.

“Shut up. You always take care of me, you fool.” He hugs him. “You’re the only thing keeping me sane right now, I swear. And that’s what you’ve always done.” Niall sniffs into his neck and Zayn has to blink away the tears that are fretting to fall.

“You need to sort it out with Liam, yeah?” Niall says.

“I’ll try, Ni. But he’ll be pissed.” He groans. “And I can’t keep it a secret, I don’t want to.”

“I know.”

“He’ll kill me.”

“I know.” Zayn pulls back to see Niall grinning in spite of himself and Zayn grins back and pushes him.

“Fuck you.” He says as Niall laughs. “Why are you laughing?”

“I laugh in face of danger.” Niall shrugs.

“It’s a question of life and death and you’re making jokes.” Zayn snorts, but he’s laughing too.

“We’re never gonna change, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Zayn nods and Niall hugs him again.

“I gotta go now, ‘kay? But you don’t have to worry about Liam’s reaction.” Zayn’s brow furrows in confusion. “He’s gonna be pissed, right? But I’d like to see him be mad at you and hate you for a long time when he’s in love with you the way he is.”

Zayn’s head snaps up at the ‘he’s in love with you’.

He’s about to protest, but Niall kisses him on the cheek and storms down the street with a grin on his face.

Zayn shakes his head fondly.

“Love you, bro.” He shouts after him.

“Love you!” Niall shouts back.

Zayn sighs as he enters his house.

He needs to pack his stuff and say goodbye to his family.

He has a train to London to get on and a boyfriend to disappoint.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam stares at his expression in the mirror.

He’s cheated before, but this was Zayn. He was with Zayn.

After doing so many things to have him all to himself in the first place, he had to fuck it up and destroy what they had.

He doesn’t know what’s going to happen.

Zayn texted him this morning saying that he’s coming over later on and that they had to talk.

Liam has played a hundred scenarios in his head.

Maybe someone saw what happened with that girl. Maybe she knows Zayn and told him herself. Maybe Zayn wants to break up.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe.

He has no idea what to do.

But he’s sure as hell that this thing he has with Zayn has been the only thing that’s been keeping him away from all the shit he had in his life and he’ll have to fight for it.

He touches the love bite on his neck and feels a slight pain. The bitch got him good.

His thoughts are interrupted when he hears a soft knock on the door.

He knows it’s Zayn, because he always knocks four times.

Liam sighs and goes to open the door to his doom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be a bit delayed, 'cause I won't have my computer with me, but when I get back in a week or so, be ready. ;) xxxx
> 
> Kudos and comments? Thank you for reading. :)


	16. I miss everything we do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is completely awful. xD  
> I'm so bad at writing smut. :(
> 
> I hope you'll like it, though.  
> :D Just read, yeah?

Zayn’s nerves are killing him. He doesn’t know how to deal with all of this shit, but he knows that he has to. That’s why he’s standing in front of Liam’s place.He’s been there for the last twenty minutes, trying to figure out what to say.

Fucking hell, how did he end up in this shit?

He snorts to himself. Okay, he knows how he did, but he doesn’t want to remember even the little things that he does. He just wants to climb up these stairs and drown his worries in Liam’s arms, but he knows that he’s going to be furious and the only thing Zayn’s going to get from him is a punch straight in the face, which he deserves.

Zayn sighs and slowly makes his way upstairs. He’s fidgeting when he comes to Liam’s door, but eventually he gives up on the idea of running away from all of this and knocks on Liam’s door.

It’s unresponsive for a minute, but eventually the door swings open revealing Liam on the other side. He looks tired, Zayn notices, and a bit dishevelled from sleep. He’s looking at Zayn with a sudden sadness in his eyes and Zayn’s mind screams with questions. What’s wrong? Does he know? Who told him? No, no, no. Zayn was the one who was supposed to tell him.

“Um.” Zayn starts with a lump in his throat. “Can I come in?”

Liam’s unresponsive for a second, but he nods in the end. Still, he doesn’t say a word to Zayn as he comes inside.

As soon as he’s inside he’s hit by Liam’s scent. Everything feels warm and welcoming, except for Liam. He silently passes Zayn and goes to the living room, slowly sitting on the couch. Zayn follows him and sits next to him.

It’s quiet and you could cut the tension in the air with a knife. Minutes pass in silence and Zayn thinks he’s going to lose his mind.

“How was your trip?” He asks quietly.

It’s tense as he asks for Liam to answer. “Good.” Liam says and Zayn sighs. He looks at Liam to see the look in his face, hoping there’s a smile encouraging him to talk, but there’s just an unreadable expression. Liam’s just sitting there, fidgeting nervously with his hands and not giving Zayn even a slightest hope. He gives him a once over, making a mental note of how good he looks even in these old sweat pants and T-shirt. His eyes roam his body slowly and that’s when he sees it.

There’s an angry red mark on Liam’s neck. There’s no way you could miss it and Zayn wonders how he didn’t notice it right away. His breath hitches and that seems to get Liam’s attention. The first time since Zayn came inside, Liam looks him in the eyes.

“That looks like it’s brand new.” He says slowly.

“It is.” Liam says and looks so guilty that it makes Zayn’s insides turn. He continues. “We went out last night. I didn’t want to drink that much, but the guys just kept bringing me drinks and...” He shakes his head and looks away for a moment. “There was this girl. I don’t even remember if she told me her name. She asked me to dance with her and I just.” He looks back at Zayn. “We were dancing and suddenly she bit my neck, the bitch. I didn’t stop her on time and that’s how I ended up with this.” He finishes sighing.

Zayn would probably laugh at his own expression right now. Eyes wide, jaw hanging open and his hair ruined from the way he was sliding his hands through it repeatedly. No way. There’s no fucking way this happened. Liam did this, or better said let this happen on the same night Zayn cheated on him.

He jumps out of his seat, storming to the window. He can’t look at Liam right now. Liam gets up, coming up to him.

“Zayn, look.” He sounds desperate. “I know I fucked up, but I was drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing.” He insists. “It was just one stupid kiss with a girl I don’t even remember.” Zayn turns around at the word kiss and Liam falls silent. He shakes his head. “I am so sorry.” Liam says lamely and Zayn cradles his head in his hands, breathing heavily.

“I am mad, Liam.” He starts and Liam takes his hands in his own and Zayn interrupts him before he can get a word out. “No.” He can’t open his eyes. “I shouldn’t be mad at you for doing the same thing I did last night.”

Liam’s hands leave his and Zayn has to open his eyes.

Liam’s eyes are wide and he’s already furious. “What?” He asks and Zayn turns to look out the window again.

“Josh, Niall’s friend had a birthday party and we all went. We got smashed. Niall was unconscious half of the night, Greg cheated on his girlfriend... I cheated on you with some guy.” He shuts his eyes. “I don’t remember it either. Niall was furious in the morning. I actually thought he was gonna punch both of us.”

Liam’s voice is wrecked. “How. Far. Did. You. Go.” It doesn’t even sound like a question. Liam growls at him.

Zayn swallows hard. “We had sex behind the club. I left right after.” It’s completely quiet after that.

It feels like hours when Liam speaks.

“Get out.” He says flatly, but it sounds like a shout followed by a punch in the gut for Zayn.

Zayn turns around to look at him. Liam’s not looking at him. He’s glaring at the wall, not giving Zayn even a sideways look.

Zayn’s unresponsive for a minute, not able to move. That’s when Liam looks him in the eyes and comes up to him so close that their chest and noses are touching. “I said get out!” Liam shouts. “Now!”

Zayn shudders at the anger in the brown eyes and bypasses Liam.

He storms out of the flat not turning around.

 

* * *

 

 

He gets home walking. He needed to get the nervous energy out.

As soon as he’s inside, he sees that Louis is not home yet.

He grabs his phone and messages Niall.

_“I just came back from his place. He didn’t let me explain everything.”_

The response is almost immediate.

_“Why?! U idiot, why didn’t U fight him 4 it?!”_

Zayn shoots one right back.

_“Probably cuz he’s got a giant hickey on his neck that I didn’t give him.”_

He sighs heavily at the response.

_“WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE TWO OF YOU?! I DON’T REMEMBER YOU AGREEING TO AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP! HE CHEATED ON YOU, TOO? THE FUCK? >.<”_

And then:

_“U better fix this shit, or I’m coming to London 2 beat the shit out of both of u Zayn n I mean it!”_

_“There’s nothing to fix, bro. We were too fucked up anyways.”_ He sends back and he feels the tears soaking his cheeks.

_“I told u something. :p U’ll be fine, just give it time, yea? xx”_

_“Yeah. xx”_

He will be fine. This is nothing.

He’s been through this before and he’s not going to be suffering because of this, so fuck everything.

He wipes at his tears furiously and stomps towards the bathroom.

He has a shower and goes to bed straight after that.

He doesn’t give a damn what happened and he’s going to act like it’s nothing.

 

* * *

 

 

Louis and Zayn have coffee in the morning talking quietly, but mostly silent and cuddling like they haven’t seen each other in years.

He feels that Louis is tense, but he knows him too well and he’s sure that Louis will just curl into himself and say it’s nothing if he asks. Louis will tell him when he’s ready.

They get ready and leave for college after that.

It’s a nice day and Zayn missed those. It was a long winter. He’s mostly quiet in his classes, except for when he jokes about something with his colleagues.

He’s coping with this situation the best way that he can.

By the time his third class begins, he’s about to lose his all of his hair. He can’t listen to these people talk about history and shit and stay awake. And sane.

That’s why he gathers his stuff and goes to the bathroom.As soon as he’s inside, he splashes his face with cold water, hoping to feel better. He uses paper towels to wipe the water from his face.

That’s when he hears someone coming in. He doesn’t open his eyes to see who it is, though. His hands are still cold from the water so he puts them on behind of his neck to get himself together.

It’s the scent of his cologne that shakes him from his thoughts. He doesn’t even get a chance to look at his expression in the mirror or to turn around, because he’s being roughly pushed into a wall so he’s facing it. His hands are being lifted above his head by much stronger ones and he’s completely trapped with a solid warm body covering his from the back.

“I think you actually haven’t understood the concept of being mine.” Liam says into his ear, his lips grazing it as he talks and Zayn shivers from the attention. “It means no one else gets to have you and no one else gets to see you the way I do.” He growls.

“Liam.” He tries but Liam’s having none of it. He turns Zayn around, again pinning his hands above his head and pressing their bodies even closer than before. Zayn gasps for air, because fuck if this doesn’t feel familiar.

“Not a word.” Liam says huskily and Zayn can’t get even a word out. The look in his eyes tells Zayn that Liam’s just as lost. He also can’t believe what he’s doing, but as his gaze drops to Zayn’s mouth, the familiar smirk is formed on his lips and a familiar fire blazes through his eyes making them shine with golden shades. Liam’s lips brush against his as he speaks. “You forgot what you promised.” He grinds their hips together and Zayn is lost. He doesn’t even care about a whimper he releases, because this is Liam and if Zayn has a weak spot for someone, that would be him. There’s no use trying to cover it up, because Liam knows him very well. “Shhh.” Liam whispers against his lips and his other hand soothes the skin on Zayn’s cheeks as he keeps grinding onto him. “It’s okay.” He kisses the tip of his nose lightly. “I’ll just have to remind you.” And then he kisses him.

It’s rough and demanding. It’s a clang of teeth. It’s them fighting for dominance, but Zayn gives up after a few minutes and opens his mouth welcoming the familiar taste.

There’s orange spiced tea Liam drinks in the mornings, chocolate he probably ate on the way to the college, tiny remains of that stupid minty toothpaste Liam uses and then something that’s purely and insanely Liam. It’s rough, sloppy and Zayn can’t get enough of it.

Liam knows how to push the right buttons with him and that makes his so mad. That’s why he’s sure that he’s probably ruined for everyone else. He’s squirming, gasping and moaning into his mouth. He’s embarrassed for how soon this is going to be over, but he can’t control it. He’s on the very brink of coming in his pants and of course, that’s when Liam pulls back. Zayn groans.

“Not yet.” Liam says. He’s breathing roughly as well, but he’s far more concentrated than Zayn. “Don’t move.” He orders and Zayn obeys, again. Liam’s hand moves from his cheek down his body, until he palms him through the material of his jeans. Zayn tries to grind back onto his hand, but he’s trapped. Liam keeps palming him lightly, but it’s not enough. It’s just driving Zayn mad.

He flips open the zipper on his jeans slowly tugging them down until they’re around Zayn’s knees, his boxers also. Liam nudges his legs apart with his own leg, certain finesse to it. He softly pecks his lips and drops onto his knees, taking Zayn’s cock deep into his mouth right away.

Zayn’s sure the whole fucking building heard him moan and someone could probably come in and see the show, but he doesn’t give a damn. Not when Liam’s hot mouth is around him.

Liam pulls back to tongue at the slit and licks his cock from the base to the top, pulling back the foreskin and enveloping the head with his mouth again. He sucks hard on the head making Zayn almost lose his balance. He puts his hand in Liam’s short hair and he curses, because he wishes it was longer.

He pulls on his hair harshly as Liam bobs his head faster taking him as deep as he can. When Zayn’s on another brink of an orgasm, Liam pulls off again and Zayn is seriously going to die. “Fuck. Liam.” He curses and groans.

Liam chuckles and starts leaving light kisses on his thighs. And then he starts biting and sucking on them. Zayn’s sure that there will be a million marks on him tomorrow. On his thighs, from Liam sucking marks on every inch of them and on his hips, from the bruising force of Liam’s fingers holding him still.

“C’mon, Liam.” Zayn moans. His cock is leaking havily against Liam cheek. Liam’s sucking a mark right between his thigh and his cock, but not paying attention to Zayn’s hardness and Zayn’s about to explode.

“What do you mean?” Liam asks with false innocence while kissing softly over the mark he left.

“Fuck you.” Liam laughs lightly. “Please.” Yes, he’s actually begging for it.

“Please what?” Fucking Liam. Seriously.

Zayn gasps. “Suck me off, Liam. C’mon.” This is no time for holding back. Not when he’s about to lose his mind.

Liam nuzzles against his member, leaving soft kisses over the length of it. Zayn’s squirming and moaning softly, needing to get off or he’ll explode.

And then Liam gets up.

Zayn might actually kill him at this point.

Liam kisses him again roughly, giving Zayn a taste of himself. He sucks on his tongue and bites fervently at his lips, soothing the burn with softer pecks later.

Zayn tries to grind against him once more and Liam lets him for a moment, while sucking another bruise on his neck.

He pulls back and looks down at his legs, eyeing the marks that he left and smirks proudly. Zayn hates him a little bit.

“You look like your mine.” He says. He pecks Zayn on the lips one more time and pulls back.

He turns around and leaves the bathroom.

Zayn just stands there, breathless and incredulous.

Did Liam just rile him up like this and then left?

Yes he did.

Zayn groans and looks down at himself. He’s still completely hard, sweaty and hot. And the angry red marks Liam left on his body scream his name. There’s no way he’s going to cover them up.

Liam wanted that he sees them every morning when he gets up and when he goes to bed in the next few days. He wants him to feel the pain whenever he brushes over them, as a reminder of him.

Zayn sighs heavily as he pulls his clothes back on and tucks himself in.

He wants to punch Liam for leaving him like this, but he wants to punch himself even more for letting it happen.

He grabs his stuff and storms back home.

He wants to say he hates this, but he’s kind of in love with the way Liam’s scent and body heat still clings on his body.

As fucked up as they are, he wants Liam. He’s never wanted anyone this much in his life and that scares the shit out of him.

Damn the day he met Liam Payne. He was supposed to go to college and fuck with random people, not caring about anyone or anything, not caring about what anyone says or thinks, as savage as that sounds.

He wasn’t supposed to get into a relationship and to fa...

No. Just. No.

This is just going to happen again. And he knows he should stay away, but the taste on his bruised lips that isn’t his tells him he’s not going to able to say no and he doesn't know what to do with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? How was it? :D Awful, yeah? I told you so. :sighs:  
> Well, practise makes perfect. I'll just have to write more. ;)  
> Kudos and comments, pls?  
> Thank you for reading. xx


	17. Forget all we said that night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back. :)  
> This is definitely the longest chapter I've written.  
> I't was really hard to write and I hope you'll like it and that it's worth your time.
> 
> It might trigger some feels as well, but there's a very happy ending to it. :D  
> Give it a try, yeah?  
> Much love. xx

Liam’s sitting on his couch, quietly sipping his tea. Harry’s asleep next to him, curls falling into his face and limbs strangely misplaced. To someone else, he’d look very uncomfortable, but Liam knows better and he knows that Harry’s always sleeping like this. He’s smiling in his sleep and Liam wonders what’s going on in his head to make him do it. What are his dreams about?

He fell asleep in Liam’s arms, snoring quietly, but Liam couldn’t fall asleep and he snuck out to make himself a cuppa to calm down.

When he came home after college, he found Harry in his flat with a worried expression and he knew he had to explain a lot of things. He confessed everything to his friend, voice hoarse and nervously fidgeting. Harry took it really good, for once and Liam sighed contently when he hugged him.

He didn’t say anything in particular, instead just smirking at Liam and Liam knew that Harry already had everything solved in his head and was just waiting for Liam and Zayn to catch up with him.

Harry stirred in his sleep and finally arranged himself so he won’t fall off the couch. Liam cracked a fond smile and took another sip of his tea.

He remembered Zayn telling him what he did, a pained expression on his face.Liam doesn’t resent him. Maybe he should, but he doesn’t. They never took any of this seriously enough and Liam is not really surprised. Zayn was always a bit savage and he mostly didn’t care about anything. Liam was the one to be the first in everything. He approached Zayn first, kissed him first, called him his boyfriend first. He started having feelings first. He was the one controlling most of this relationship and he let himself fuck it up.

That’s why he couldn’t resent him. Zayn did take things further, but he wasn’t himself and Liam knows that he’d do the same if it was him on that damn party.

The way he kicked Zayn out of his flat that day and shouted at him makes no sense to him now. That was his first instinct, though. He needed Zayn far away from him so he could think and if he stayed, he would have had a chance to fuck this up even more and he couldn’t afford that.

That’s why he slumped down on the floor and stayed there for hours at the moment Zayn slammed the door shut.

Luke found him a few hours later on the same spot and not saying a word. He tried to say something back, but his mind was too foggy and he couldn’t form words. That’s why he shook his head as Luke tried to help and went to his room, leaving Luke frowning and worried.

He needed time alone, to stop the sirens going off in his mind.

He bypassed his ‘guardians’ the next day and went straight to college. He was feeling much calmer, but still couldn’t contain his worries.

When his classes finished, he went to the bathroom and there was he.

His hair was ruined and Liam was sure he was running nervous hands through it the whole day. His hands were on his neck, probably from trying to cool down a bit. Liam didn’t even think about it. He just acted, having no fucking idea of what he was doing or why he was doing it.

Zayn’s skin on his felt more intoxicating than anything and it smashed any doubt Liam had about what was happening. He touched, pressed, kissed, sucked and marked every part of Zayn he got hold of. And Zayn let him. Liam had no idea why, but he wasn’t going to object. He enjoyed the sweet torture and he was sure that Zayn felt the same.

However, he’s sure that Zayn didn’t expect him to leave without finishing him off. He didn’t do it to give Zayn pleasure. He did it to make him want so much more of it and he was sure it will happen. He’ll have Zayn begging for it and he’ll be very happy to comply.

Liam smirked around his cup of tea. He can’t wait.

He’s gonna get him back, step by step.

 

* * *

 

Zayn is pacing through his room.

Louis left for home in hurry, because Lottie was nowhere to be found and his mom was going crazy. Zayn wanted to go with him, but Louis shook his head and said that there was nothing he could do. They think she probably ran away with her new boyfriend.

“Seriously, Lottie.” Zayn hisses to an empty room. She could have done so many other stupid things, but this was the biggest shit she could have managed to do in such a short notice. He swears she loves that girl like his own sisters, but she can be a right brat sometimes. A brat that causes trouble all the time, she is.

He leans against the wall and squeezes his eyes shut as pictures form in his head. Where is she? Is she okay? Is she on her way home?

His phone buzzes on the table and he storms to read the message, thinking it’s Louis. Instead of that, Liam’s name flashes across the screen.

Zayn glares at the phone, because seriously, Liam? Now? He opens the message.

_“I’m not sorry for what I did today. I sorta wanna do it all over again.”_

He rolls his eyes and throws the phone on the couch.

Fucking Liam Payne. He can go to hell with his stupid brown eyes, his soft plump lips and huge and rough, but soothing hands. He can’t think about this now. He sits on the other side of the couch and takes his head in his hands, leaning forward on his knees.

Ten minutes pass and his phone goes off again. This time, Liam is calling him. Zayn groans. He takes his phone and answers.

“This is really not a good time, Liam.” He says angrily.

It’s silent for a second. “What’s wrong?” Liam knows him too well. He knows that something’s wrong.

“Nothing.” Zayn snaps. “I don’t want to talk about it, so leave it. Leave me.” He says sternly.

Liam’s having none of it. “Are you at home?” He asks.

“Yes.” Zayn sighs. “Look, I need to be alone. Just…” A soft knock on the door interrupts him. “There’s someone at the door. I need to go, so…” The line goes dead and Zayn sighs heavily.

He drops his phone somewhere and rushes to open the door.

He twists the doorknob and…

Of course it’s him. Zayn tries to slam the door in his face, but a firm hand on it pushes harder and he’s inside.

Zayn slumps against the door as it slams shut, his head on the cold surface.

“What do you want?” He asks desperately.

“I asked you what’s wrong.” Liam says pointedly. Zayn turns around to glare at him.

“And I told you I needed to be alone.” Zayn snaps at him. “How are you even here?”

Liam shrugs. “I was in the car in the front of the building when I called you.”

Zayn shakes his head. “Please leave.”

Instead of doing that, Liam takes his shoes off and goes into the living room.

Zayn follows him. “I can’t do this right now.”

Liam stops and turns around to face him. “What’s wrong?” He asks. Zayn shakes his head as he feels tears tickle his eyes. “Tell me.” Liam orders.

“Lou’s little sister. She’s gone.” He swallows thickly. “He went home to be with his mom as they look for her.” He speaks looking at the ground.

Liam comes up to him slowly and Zayn’s not sure what he’s about to do, but as Liam gathers him in his arms he can’t find a will to pull back.

“What’s with your sisters and running off?” Liam asks incredulously.

“I have no fucking idea. I’m just tired of that shit.” Zayn’s voice is muffled in Liam’s neck. Liam’s arms tighten around him and Zayn hates the feeling that coils in his chest. He hates how much this side of Liam feels like safety and home and how much he wants to drown in it. “Why did you come here, Liam?” He looks up and Liam pulls back to look into his eyes.

There’s a flash of guilt in his eyes. “For completely different reasons that are keeping me here now.” He admits. He rests his forehead on Zayn’s. “Tell me what you need.” He whispers softly.

“Are you going to take advantage of my vulnerable state?” Zayn asks pointedly.

Liam rolls his eyes and Zayn fights a smile.

“No.” He promises. “Why don’t you go and take a warm shower, while I make tea?”

Zayn shakes his head and pulls back. “I can’t. Louis might call and…”

“I’ll call you immediately.” Liam insists. “You need to relax.” Zayn looks unsure. “Please?”

Zayn’s quiet for a minute, looking back at Liam’s pleading eyes. He sighs in the end and nods.

He goes into the bathroom and climbs into the shower, letting the warm water calm him down a bit. He turns it off after ten minutes and shuffles out.

He hears Liam shuffling in the kitchen as he pulls on his clean clothes. He emerges from the bathroom after getting dressed, eager for a phone call from Louis.

As soon as he’s out, he’s hit by the scent of orange spiced tea. Liam must have made it just the way he loves it and Zayn sighs, because he loves it, too.

He finds Liam in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with a mug in his hands and a smile on his lips.

“Louis called.”

Zayn pales. “I knew it.” He panics. “What did he say, is she…” He cuts himself short waiting for Liam to answer. He just keeps smiling at him and Zayn loses it. “Liam!” He snaps.

Liam laughs at him. “She’s fine and on her way home, nothing to worry about.” He smiles. “Louis said that he’ll update you when he gets back.” Zayn leans on the counter and sighs heavily. The lump in his throat is fading away. “Tea?” Liam offers him his mug and Zayn nods. He feels a smile tug at his lips and he hides it behind his mug.

They drink in silence and after they’re done, Liam puts both of their mugs in the sink and goes to the living room. “Coming?” He says from the couch and Zayn follows after him.

He sits on the other side of the couch, feeling awkward all over again. He doesn’t look at Liam, but he can feel his eyes on him.

“Come here, Zayn.” Liam says and Zayn’s whole body tenses.

“Liam.” Just Liam. He has no idea what Liam wants with him.

Liam sighs, gets up and pushes Zayn so he’s laying down, while he climbs in next to him. He curls his hands around Zayn and pulls a blanket over them, that Zayn didn’t even notice was there. “Sleep.” Liam says and Zayn’s whole world starts spinning.

He’s such a jerk. Liam could have taken advantage of him and fuck him up even more. He had the right to.

Instead of that, he’s making him tea, hugging him and calming him down since the moment he walked in. Zayn shakes his head.

“I’m sorry.” He says lamely. Liam kisses his head softly.

“I know.” He keeps his lips there and hums quietly, lulling Zayn into sleep. Zayn curls into him, tangling their legs and fitting their chest together.

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this.” He says sleepily.

“You can, If you want to.” Liam says. “If you let me.”

“We fucked everything up, though.”

“Nothing I can’t fix.” Liam promises and Zayn’s heart misses a beat when Liam nuzzles against his cheek and smiles and fits a smile against the corner of his mouth. “Mine, yeah?”

Zayn hides his blush and a smile of his own in Liam neck. He doesn’t know what to make out of it.

“Sleep, babe.” Liam whispers and Zayn does.

He lets his worries drown in the comfort Liam’s arms provide and falls asleep breathing him in.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam looks at this stupid boy in his arms.The way he breathes against his neck and curls so naturally to him.

He thinks about how much he fights to stay strong and not to have a single care in the world, making himself look so savage to everyone else.

But Liam has seen it, how much he really cares and how much of himself he gives away to everyone he loves. It’s kind of dizzying, the way Zayn loves.

Liam knows how much he’s fighting this thing the two of them have, but still can’t hide the way he feels about him. He looks so young and peaceful, Liam thinks.

He kisses Zayn’s head softly and Zayn sighs contently in his sleep.

There’s no space left for doubt. Liam is irrevocably in love with Zayn and there’s no going back this time.

He’s so fucked, he thinks as he smiles against Zayn’s head.

 

* * *

 

 

His phone going off wakes him up. It takes a few seconds to remembers that he’s at Zayn’s place and not in his flat. Zayn’s not beside him, though.

He can hear him shuffling through the kitchen as he gets up and stretches slowly. He’s reluctant to pick up, seeing Luke’s name flash across the screen. It’s probably something that can wait. He ignores his phone as he gets up and goes into the kitchen, following the rich smell of coffee.

Zayn’s sitting on the chair beside the counter, sipping his coffee and reading something from his notebook. Liam smiles at the way his hair’s disheveled and sticking out in million directions. He comes up behind him, wrapping his arms around him. Zayn practically jumps in his chair, startling because he wasn’t expecting it.

“Morning.” Liam says, his lips brushing over the nape of Zayn’s neck. Zayn visibly relaxes.

“Morning.” He says right back. There’s an uneasy tone in his voice and Liam cringes at it. Zayn’s still trying to fight him. “Why are you up?” Liam asks softly.

Zayn sighs. “I have a test next week. It’s very important and I have to pass, so I’m using every spare moment to get ready for it.”

Liam chuckles. “Not even a little break?” He smiles against Zayn’s neck kissing at the skin where his neck meets his shoulder.

Zayn scoffs. “I’m not fucking this up.”

“I’m not saying you are.” Liam bargains. “You’ll learn everything easier if you relax a bit.”

Zayn turns around in his chair to give Liam a challenging look. “And how exactly am I supposed to relax when you keep trying to steal my attention and divert me from studying?”

Liam steps in between his legs, his hands resting on Zayn’s hips while he slots their bodies together. “I think I know a way.” He licks at Zayn’s neck and smiles against the bruise he left there. Zayn's hands slide into his hair as he keeps littering kisses over his neck.

“I don’t like you’re your ways, Liam.” He says and pulls hard on his hair. Liam bites his jaw in retaliation. “Especially if the story ends with me hard as fuck, bruised and alone in a college bathroom.”

Liam pulls back to smirk at Zayn. He pulls him in even closer, their lips only inches away from the others’. “You think you deserved better?” Liam says. “Both of us, after what we did?” He adds.

Zayn’s expression hardens and his lips tremble when he speaks. “Then why are you here?” He shots right back.

Liam smiles. “You still haven’t figured that out?” He says cheekily.

Zayn shakes his head and Liam leans in, their lips almost touching.

And that his phone goes off and he groans, crashing his forehead with Zayn’s. Zayn can’t help but laugh.

Liam pulls back reluctantly, and pull out his phone out of his pocket answering the phone call. “What?” He snaps.

“Liam, where are you? I need you to come here as soon as possible!” Luke says desperately.

Liam snorts. “None of your business. And I’m busy.”

“It’s your dad, Liam…”

“Look. Tell my dad that I am busy and I’ll do what he wants after I deal with my own stuff, it’s not like it can’t wait.” He shots right back.

“It can’t, Liam! That’s why I’ve been trying to get to you the whole fucking morning!” Luke shouts.

Liam sighs. “Can’t you deal with it?”

“I am! But I need you to come here as soon as possible.” Luke pauses. “He’s in the hospital and he's not doing very well.”

 

* * *

 

 

Liam pales. “What happened?” He asks slowly.Zayn sees the change in his behavior, jumping out of his seat and approaches him. Liam’s breathing is ragged as he nods jerkily.“Yeah, I’ll be there in a few.” He hangs up and looks at Zayn. “I gotta go.”

“What’s wrong, Liam?” He takes his hand and realizes that Liam’s shaking. “Hey, calm down.” He lifts his hands trying to touch Liam's face, but he shakes his head.

“No, don’t. I need to go. It’s my dad.” Liam says incoherently and before Zayn can even open his mouth, he’s pulling his shoes on and he’s out of the flat.

He has no fucking idea of what just happened. He just knows that Liam left him again, without any explanation.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam hates hospitals. The last time he was in one was the day his mom died. He refused to go even when he was really sick, making the doctors come to his own place.

They smell wrong, like tears, blood and death. He can’t stand it.

Right now, he’s standing in a sterile room and a mask across his face, looking down at his unconscious father who’s wired up to hospital devices. He’s waiting for the doctors to come in and tell him what is going to happen. He looks at him better.

Liam’s dad was always tough and hard on everyone. He had no care in the world, even for his children. He looked scary and left fear and bowed heads everywhere he went.

He looks so fragile, so breakable now in the hospital bed. These machines are the only thing keeping him alive.

There’s a pang of guilt in Liam’s chest. His father tried to talk to him in the last few months, but Liam refused to see him. They only communicated through the phone and through Luke and Harry. He knew he was ill because Harry told him. Harry saw him all the time and tried to convince Liam to go and talk to him, but he didn’t want to. His love for his father disappeared a long time ago, with the old man pushing him away when he needed him the most.

However, the pressure in his chest is unbearable at this moment. He regrets a lot of things he couldn’t change and those that he could, but didn’t want to.

The doctor comes in, interrupting his thoughts. “Good morning, Mister Payne.” The doctor says and Liam nods curtly. The doctor looks uneasy when he speaks again. “I think we should take this outside.”

Liam trembles, because these can’t be good news.

He nods again and follows the doctor out of the room looking at his father one last time. He sighs. “Is he gonna be okay?”

The doctor is quiet and still for a moment, but he shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Mister Payne, but his heart can’t hold on for much longer. There’s nothing we can do.”

Liam leans against the wall, squeezing his eyes shut. He remembers what Luke said over the phone.

 _“They surprised us, there was just too many of them and… They shot him, Liam. The bullet went right into his chest and he hit his head when he fell. ”_ Luke’s voice cracked. _“We killed the sons of bitches, but I don’t know what’s gonna happen to him.”_

The doctor speaks again. “His heart was in a bad state for years, now. The bullet pierced right through his lungs and his heart can’t endure much longer with these machines.”

“Could he wake up?” Liam asks hoarsely, but the doctor shakes his head.

“The fall caused him a severe brain damage, leading all brain functions a stop and his brain to shut down completely.”

“So, we’re just waiting.” It’s not a question, but the doctor still nods. He leaves right after that, leaving Liam alone in the hallway.

He doesn’t know how to react, he feels completely useless. His friends emerge from the corner, all of them enwrapping Liam into a hug. It’s feels so good, to be held like this, to feel safe when you fighting so hard not to break down, but still not managing.

Harry gives him the tightest hug he’s ever had and whispers softly into his ear when the others pull away. “I called him. I know you didn’t explain why you left.” Liam laughs sadly, because of course Harry knew where Liam was. He nods to say thank you, hiding his face in Liam’s neck. “You need to leave, Liam.” Harry says and Liam’s about to cry. “I know you can’t stand to be in here and there’s nothing you can do, so leave yeah?” He does start crying now. He’d fall apart without his friend. “Shh.” Harry soothes. “Ash will take you there, yeah?”

And Liam wants to ask where is ‘there’, but Ashton’s pulling on his arm and pulling him away from Harry and the worried eyes of his friends.

The ride is quiet, Ashton holding onto his hand tightly while Liam’s looking at the ground. He can’t lift his head or move a muscle. Ashton stops the car and Liam lists his head.

It’s a familiar building, but Liam has no idea of why Ashton brought him here. How did he know? He looks at Ashton wide eyed.

He just shrugs. “You’re very bad at keeping secrets.” He says. “And we’re nosy as hell.” He admits with a soft smile.

They know about Liam? Liam shakes his head. This makes no sense.

“Ash.” He sighs and reaches over to tug him in for a hug.

“It’s okay, buddy.” Ashton pats him on the back. “We’ll talk about it some other time.”

Liam nods, gives his friend a kiss on the head and gets out of the car, not turning around.

 

* * *

 

Harry called him half an hour after Liam left. He told him that all of them were in a hospital, because Liam’s dad was in a very bad state. He didn’t explain what really happened and Zayn didn’t push it because he saw how worried Harry was.

Zayn asked about Liam, but Harry only sighed heavily and said that he’s also fighting. He asked for Zayn’s help and he promised he’d do everything Harry asked him to do.

That’s why he knows who’s at his door the moment he hears the knocking.

He opens the door. Liam is standing there, his eyes red and his cheeks also. He doesn’t come in right away and Zayn takes his hand and drags him inside.

“I’m sorry I left without a word.” Liam says when he’s inside. Zayn shakes his head and pulls him into the living room.

“It’s okay.” He says.

Liam sits on the couch and Zayn sits right next to him, curling his arms around him. He drops his head onto Zayn’s chest and his breathing changes dramatically until he’s almost gasping for air.

Zayn holds him tighter and peppers soft kisses on the top of his head. “’S okay, Li.”

“It’s not. He tried to tell me for months, that he was ill. But, I was a brat and I didn’t want see him.” Liam says brokenly. “I won’t even have a chance to say sorry.” Zayn cringes. “I thought I hated him, but now all I want is to go back…”

“Li, it’s not your fault. He pushed you away all the time and he’s the reason you acted that way with him. You wouldn’t be able to change anything, he wouldn’t let you.” Zayn says. He pushes Liam back until he’s looking at him.“I don’t want you to feel guilty for anything, okay? It’s not your fault.”

Liam rests his forehead against Zayn’s. “Okay.” Zayn smiles at him and they just breathe for a minute. “I’m in love with you, like crazy.” Liam says and Zayn’s breath hitches.

Liam’s eyes are screwed shut, like he’s expecting Zayn to push him away every second.

And Zayn? Zayn wants to, a part of him feels like he should.

Instead of that, he leans in and kisses Liam, surprising him so it takes a beat until he presses into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Zayn and pulling him onto his lap.

The kiss doesn’t last long, because Zayn pulls back after a moment. “Tell me what you need, yeah?” He says.

“You.” Liam answers simply and Zayn’s heart explodes in his chest when Liam kisses him again.

It’s longer this time, softer. Liam’s lips are slick from licking at them and they fit so perfectly over Zayn’s own. Liam’s hands push at the hem of his T-shirt, drawing the material upwards. As soon as his hands make contact with Zayn’s skin, Zayn moans softly into his mouth, Liam taking the chance and sneaking his tongue in.

Oranges and mint, that’s what he tastes like, as usual. Zayn tongue pushes back onto his, chasing the sweet taste.

Liam’s hands suddenly go to his thighs and beneath them, until he’s lifting Zayn up. Never breaking the kiss, he carries Zayn through the hallway and into his room.

Zayn has no idea how he knew which one was his.

He kicks open the door and enters the room. It’s only seconds and then he’s dropping Zayn onto the bed and crawling onto him, kissing him over and over again, until Zayn is a bundle of nerves trying his best to stay sane.

They finally pull back for air, Liam kissing his neck and licking over the tattoos on his chest.

“I want you to fuck me.” Zayn says as he’s grasping for air.

Liam groans and bites at his collarbone. “You sure you want that?”

“Please.” Zayn practically squirms with anticipation.

“Okay.” Liam says softly.

They’ve never had sex before. Handjobs and blowjobs they’ve done, but they’ve never taken things further.

Zayn wanted it, though and as Liam’s hands pull off every article of clothing off his body.

Zayn turns them over, once he’s naked and kisses Liam again. It’s languid this time, it has purpose. He takes his shirt off, his trousers and pants following right after. He moves between Liam’s legs trailing kisses over his chest leaving marks of his own this time. He goes lower and lower, until his cheek brushes Liam’s cock.

He doesn’t waste time, taking him as deep as he can, until he’s completely in. Finding a rhythm, he bobs his head as Liam makes the most delicious sounds that Zayn’s head swims in.

He can feel Liam’s thighs shaking. “You have to stop, babe.” Liam gasps. “’m gonna come if you keep it up.” Liam warns, but Zayn only goes faster making Liam keen and moan, pulling sharp on his hair. It’s an amazing feeling and Zayn moans around Liam’s cock which is enough to push him over the edge.

Zayn pulls back a bit as he swallows around Liam so he doesn’t choke.

Once he’s done, Liam’s still for a moment, but then grabs Zayn and pulls him into a rough kiss.

It’s a bit dirty, his tongue curling around Zayn’s and he groans as he tastes himself. They pull back for air.

“Lube?” Liam asks.

Zayn turns around to fetch a little bottle and a condom form the drawer.

Once he’s got it, Liam pushes him onto his back, pecking him softly on the lips as he takes the lube and slicks up his fingers. His hand disappears between Zayn’s legs and soon enough, there’s a finger circling around his rim and pushing in slowly.

It has been awhile since he’s done this, but Liam moves his fingers with confidence and he can’t describe how good it feels.

One finger is soon replaces with two and then three, until Zayn’s moaning and begging for it. He thinks he’s going to rip the sheets apart from gripping the so tight every time Liam brushes over something inside of him.

“Now, Liam.” He rushes, because if they don’t rush it up, he’ll be long gone.

Liam pulls his fingers out and Zayn winces from the loss.

Liam wipes his hands on Zayn’s sheets and rolls on a condom, slicking himself with lube. He already came once, but he’s hard again and Zayn smirks at the view, because he did that. Liam settles between his legs and Zayn hooks his legs around his hips feeling the head of his cock brushing over his hole.

Both of them moan as Liam pushes in.

Liam gives him a moment to adjust, peppering his neck with kisses until the strech is easier to handle. When Zayn gives him a sign he moves.

It’s excruciatingly slow and Zayn can feel every inch of Liam inside of him as he moves. It’s dizzying. They keep it up for a while, trying to make it last longer, but Zayn is about to come without being touched and he can’t fight it.

“C’mon, Liam. I’m so close.” He groans.

That’s when Liam really starts moving. It’s rough and fast and Zayn’s on the very edge when Liam suddenly stops.

He opens his eyes to see Liam smirking at him. He opens his mouth to talk, but Liam whispers: “Mine” against his lips and slams into him with such a force that pushes him off the edge and into bliss as he comes between their bodies.

Liam follows a minute later, spilling inside of him and Zayn wishes there wasn’t a condom so he could feel everything even more than this way.

Liam pulls out and gets up to throw away the condom. He comes back with a washcloth, cleaning them up and crawling into the bed with Zayn right after.

Zayn curls up to him, tired and sleepy.

He feels Liam’s smile when he kisses him softly on the lips. It’s a huge, happy smile that makes his toes curl.

They fall asleep like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think about it?  
> Am I getting better with this smut thing? xD LOL.
> 
> I hope it was good, leave some kudos if it was. ;)  
> And comments, ofc. Always waiting for those. xx


	18. No, it doesn't even matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a shit for doing this, I know.  
> I'm sorry, but I need to write bad things, so I can write the good ones, remember? x(  
> Bare with me, please. This story was already planned out, so I have to follow the plan.
> 
> Good news, though. :)  
> I'm posting four, or even five chapters tonight, so I hope you'll forgive me for writing sad stuff and for being late. I hope the good stuff will make up for the bad ones.  
> Thank you for reading. xx

Things didn’t magically switch into a fairytale after that night. Zayn didn’t even think they would. His life has always been too fucked up and it would be stupid of him to think that things would change.

If anything, things got worse.

Liam’s dad died the next day.

Harry and Ashton came barging into Zayn’s flat with the news that left Liam expressionless and stunned. He didn’t cry and Zayn didn’t know what to do. He hugged Liam, trying to comfort him, but Liam didn’t move a muscle. He didn’t even blink. Zayn was afraid that he may have gotten in a certain state of shock, but Liam shook his head in the end.

“We have to go and arrange everything.” Liam said coldly and without any emotion, looking at the blank wall, instead at anyone in the room.

“Liam…” Zayn tried, but Liam left in that moment and Zayn was left alone in his flat after the guys followed him out.

They were both in tears, Harry choking on them, but Liam… nothing. Zayn didn’t know how to act and what to do. He just sat there, staring at the TV that was turned off.

Zayn didn’t go to the funeral, Liam begged him not to attend it. Once again, he didn’t give Zayn an explanation and Zayn didn’t ask for one.

Harry told him that Liam didn’t want Zayn there because of all the people who were going to attend it and those were mostly his dad’s co-workers and his men, dangerous criminals and he didn’t want him in that environment. Even Liam didn’t want them there, but they had some fucked up tradition of practically being in war their whole lives, but paying their respects and attending the funeral once one of them passed away.

Liam came to Zayn after whole thing was over, leading them to the bedroom and crawling wordlessly into the bed with him. Zayn tried to get him to talk, but he just shook his head and held him tightly as they slept.

He saw him less and less after that. Zayn had to go back to the college, because he couldn’t just let it all go to waste and Liam had to take care of dad’s businesses now that no one else was in charge.

He didn’t like the idea of Liam being a new drug lord after his father died and he had to take over. It was just too much to handle. He believed that Liam didn’t like it either and he hoped they would replace him with someone else soon. He sure hoped so.

One of the worst things about this whole thing was the fact that he still wasn’t sure if they were even together. He wanted to talk to Liam, but obviously Liam was intent of avoiding him lately. Zayn was afraid that he’d get sick of trying to make it work again.

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn had the urge to throw his phone against the wall right now. Or bang his head on it.

“He did what?!” He asked furiously and Harry sighed on the other end of the line.

“He quit this morning. He sent Luke over to fill out some papers for him, not even bothering to do it by himself.” Harry said angrily.

“I fucking don’t believe it.” Zayn breathed, his eyes wide with fury. “I knew something was off…” He shook his head. “Everything was off, actually. But I can’t believe he actually did this.”

Harry sighed on the other line. “He’s stuffed with papers and meetings and stupid stuff with stupid people. He barely eats, drinks his weight in alcohol and listens to no one if they aren’t talking about a new job deal, or something like that.” Harry snaps. “Not even me, Zayn and I’ve really tried to fix this whole thing.”

Zayn can’t believe the nerve of him. “I’d try, Haz, but he hasn’t been here for days and every time I knock on his door, nobody answers.”

“Because he’s not there.” Harry says. “He hasn’t left his dad’s home since he left your flat. He’s been sleeping in the office, too.” He grunts.“It’s just pissing me off.”

“I had no idea.” Zayn says as he paces through his living room. “He didn’t tell me anything.” He pauses in his step. “It’s a wonder we even talk about anything anymore.” He says tightly.

“I know, Zee.” Harry says softly. “He told me he’ll swing by tonight, so just be ready, yeah?”

Finally, Zayn thinks. “Yeah, buddy.” He says. “I’ll call you, ‘kay?”

“Okay.”

They hang up after that, Zayn going straight into the shower to calm down a bit.

He can’t fucking believe it. Liam quit college.

What else did he quit and Zayn has yet to find out about?

 

* * *

 

 

He wonders how things went downhill overnight. He remembers it, one minute he was laying in his bed with Liam, soft touches and quiet promises that they’ll be fine and the next moment everything was cold, wrong. Distant.

As soon as he hears the knock on the door, he tenses in his seat on the couch and doesn’t move to get up and open them. He unlocked it earlier.

“It’s opened.” He says loudly from the couch, not even lifting his eyes from the ground.

He hears him walk in and lock the door once he’s inside.

“You shouldn’t leave your door unlocked. Anyone could get in.” Liam says. His voice is strained, but his tone teasing. Zayn lifts his eyes to look at him after so many days have passed.

He looks tired, worn out. His perfect body seems to have crumpled a bit. His face shows some kind of uncertainty, but also hardness that Zayn has never seen before. Eyes that had the most beautiful color of brown didn’t shine anymore, leaving dark shades and no glitter that Zayn was used to. He looks so vulnerable and young, he thinks.

He notices that Zayn’s looking at him and his shoulders shift into a defensive position. “I’m fine, Zayn.” He says defiantly, answering the silent question. Zayn sighs and looks at the ground again.

Liam snorts and comes closer to him, sitting right next to him. “Zayn?” He tries, but Zayn can’t form words at this moment and shakes his head instead. “I’m sorry.” Liam says and Zayn turns to look at him.

“For what exactly?” He asks and Liam winces at the sharpness in his tone.

“Everything.” Liam says.

“Everything?” Zayn gets up. He needs to put some distance between them or he won’t be able to say this. “You mean for the fact that you haven’t bothered to pick up your phone and call me? For the fact that you’ve had everyone worried sick because we had no idea how you truly were?” He turns to face Liam again. “That you haven’t been sleeping, or eating properly? Getting wasted after digging yourself in work whole day? Not letting anyone help you?”

Liam gets up. Zayn sees the way anger flashes through his eyes. “You’ve been speaking to Harry.” It’s not a question. “I don’t need help. I’m perfectly fine.” He lifts his head defiantly.

“So you’re not sorry for being a jerk, then.” Zayn states.

Liam spreads his arms wide. “What the hell am I supposed to do?!” He shouted. “What do you people want me to do?”

Zayn ignores him. “Are you sorry for quitting college, at least?” Liam’s arms drop and his face pales as he gulps. He’s diverts his eyes from Zayn’s, not saying a word. “I’d really like to see the reason behind that decision.” Zayn says darkly. “And the reason for not telling me anything.”

Liam swiftly turns to face him. “Harry had no right to tell you any of these things.” He snaps. “I’ll…”

“Shut up!” Zayn says. “He’s half of the reason you’re even standing in front of me right now!”

Liam’s face hardens. “You wouldn’t have let me in?” He says as he approaches Zayn. He gets into his personal space, but Zayn voice stays firm.

“You have no right to be offended.” He says and Liam tenses. “I’ve been trying so hard to make this work. I let you in when everything was telling me that I shouldn’t and I tried to be there for you when you needed someone, but you kept pushing me away.” He tells Liam everything, never breaking the eye contact. “I’ve been trying to get to you and talk to you for days, Liam and you wouldn’t even pick up the damn phone to tell me that I shouldn’t wait for hours in front your flat because you weren’t coming.” He’s trembling a bit. “I’ve been dying to understand why did you fight so much to have something with me and try to ruin it when it should have been the strongest.” He finishes quietly.

Liam’s eyes are red and he looks like he’s fighting tears, but he’s still hiding behind the wall he built and Zayn can’t break it. He’s trying, but it’s not working.

“I don’t need your lectures, Zayn.” He says sharply and Zayn scoffs.

“I can’t believe the nerve of you, Liam Payne.” He says incredulously.

“I’ve been avoiding you because I don’t need you to put up with that shit.” Liam says and pulls Zayn into a hug. Zayn wants to protest, but Liam’s finally close enough to touch and he can’t let go right now. “It’s pure chaos right now. My father didn’t have time to put someone to be a replacement for him once he was gone and everything went to hell the moment there was no boss. That’s why I need to be there. I need to carry on with this after him, even if I don’t want to. I can’t leave until I find someone else to replace me. They all need a firm hand.”

“But why don’t you just let everything go to hell, Liam?” Zayn pulled back looking at him with pleading eyes. “You don’t want it in the first place. Even while your father was alive, you’ve been trying to get out.”

“It’s not that simple, Zee.” Liam says softly.

“Why not?! It’s stupid drug dealing!”

“Because,” Liam starts desperately. “It’s not just my life that’s in stake. If I leave right now or if I don’t leave them, so many people would end up hurt or even dead. It so fucked up, but I have to do it. There’s no other way.” He says.

“Fuck.” Zayn swears. He wants to shout and break things, but he knows that Liam’s right. He has to ask this, though. “College, Liam?” He asks. He needs to know.

Liam sighs stepping away from Zayn. “I haven’t been going regularly to my classes for months and I didn’t do any of my tests or exams.” He admits. “I’ve been screwing it up for months now.”

Zayn shakes his head incredulously. “What the hell?”

“It doesn’t matter. I didn’t even want to go anymore.”

“Of course it matters. Why would you give up on it so easily? Why didn’t you tell me?” Zayn snaps.

“It doesn’t matter because I don’t need fucking college, Zayn.” Liam snaps back. “I’ve got enough money to last me for the next ten lives and I don’t want to study something that’s pointless to me. I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d flip shit over it.”

“Of course I’m gonna flip shit, you don’t tell me anything anymore. I have the right to know as your…” He cuts himself short.

“What, Zayn?” Liam asks. “My what?”

“I don’t even know anymore.” Zayn says coldly, reaching for his pack of cigarettes and lighting one up. He goes to stand by the window, not able to control the pang in his chest after Liam’s whole face fell after he spoke. Liam’s breathing raggedly behind him, completely unmoving. “I don’t even know if we’re together anymore, because you don’t even bother to give me a little time of your day.” Zayn continues and feels Liam’s breath hitch. “But if we are…” He stopped, trying to find a reason not to do this, but he can’t. “I’m putting an end to it.”

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m putting an end to it.” Zayn says.

Liam feels the blood drain from his face as he stops breathing for a moment. Zayn’s standing by the window, unmoving after what he said.

He doesn’t know how, but in a flash of second, he ends up plastered at Zayn’s back. “Zayn.” He groans. “Please don’t do this.”

Zayn shivers in his arms and Liam feels a pang of guilt in his chest. “I don’t want to let you go, Li.” He swallows audibly. “But you being so distant and cold with me, a new drug lord on the top of everything, is too much for me to handle.” Zayn says sadly and Liam’s arms find his way around him, bringing him closer.

Zayn lets him, folding his arms over Liam’s. Liam kisses the nape of his neck lightly and feels Zayn sigh. “I should fight you over this.” Liam says and swears that Zayn makes a hopeful sound in the back of his throat. “But I won’t.” Arms that aren’t his tighten their grip as he continues. “I don’t want that for you, either. I don’t want you to have to live with a burden like this. I know how hard it is. That’s why I’m gonna let you go.” Liam says.

Zayn turns around to face him, never letting go of him. “It’s over, then?” He asks quietly.

Liam kisses him on the lips suddenly, but pulls away before Zayn even began to respond.

He needed to feel that one more time.

He grabs his chin, forcing him not to look away when he says. “For now, until I’m free of that shit.”

“What if it takes time? What if…” Zayn starts but Liam cuts him off.

“If you meet someone else?” Liam inquires and Zayn nods. Liam flashes him a fond smile in spite of himself. “Babe, there will not exist a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, if you go to those lengths,” Liam pauses for a second. “That’s gonna stop me for taking back what’s mine.” Liam’s heart feels to fucking big for his chest when he finishes and Zayn blushes the sweetest shade of red.

“You gonna kidnap me again, Li?” Zayn smiles sadly.

“Always.” He promises before he pulls away and leaves.


	19. 'Cause we both got split in two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 19. :) xx

“I still can’t believe that you broke up with Zayn.” Harry says.

They’re in his father’s office, taking a small break before they go back to work.

It’s been days since Zayn and he broke it off. They haven’t seen each other since then and haven’t spoken to each other, not even once.

Liam thought about texting him and asking how he was doing, but he knew it would be wrong. Zayn wanted time and Liam promised to give him that. He needed to be left alone and Liam will have to endure his inner wishes.

He missed him, that’s the thing. He’s gotten used to waking up every day and knowing that at the end of it, he will have someone to go to and someone to come to him when it gets tough. Now, it’s just him.

He does have his friends and he’s thankful for that, but it’s not the same. Not even close to the feeling of having Zayn with him.

He hates the idea of not being able to call him, at least. He misses the skin on skin contact, warm hands soothing pain, even that one in his chest. The soft, hushed words whispered into the crook of his neck, trying to be hard and confident, but being soft and vulnerable at the same time.

“He broke it off with me, Haz.” Liam says. “I just gave him what he wanted.”

Harry slumps in his seat. “I have no fucking idea how we ended up in this state.”

Liam knows that Harry’s not talking about Zayn in particular. Louis and him haven’t seen each other in a very long time, but Harry was could never let go so easily of people he cared about. And he still cared about Louis, even if he hadn’t seen him in so long.

“You still into him?” Liam asked.

If the door to the office quietly opened and someone stopped himself from coming inside and decided to listen in on their conversations, none of the two noticed.

Harry nods. “I know that a lot of time has passed and I should move on, like most of the people would, but I just can’t forget.” He sighs and Liam’s expression softens. “I had the time of my life. No one ever made me feel that way, made me wanna drop everything and run away. But I couldn’t, Li.” He looks up guiltily. “Your dad was...” He stops but Liam understands.

“I know.” He shakes his head. “He would have done everything to stop it.”

Harry nods. “He would never approve.”

“Harry.” Liam starts. He feels a pang of guilt in his chest when he speaks, but he knows that he’s right. “He’s gone now.” Harry looks like he’s onto what’s Liam saying and he looks like he’s about to protest and Liam shakes his head and interrupts him. “No, Haz. You know that I’m right. This is your opportunity to finally get yourself together and try to make the best of yourself. Please, just think about it. I know how you feel.” Liam finishes with a smile on his lips and Harry’s lips twitch up on the corners and soon enough there’s the cutest dimple in his left cheek.

“I love him, Li.” Harry says with a sad smile. The person in the doorway tenses. “But it’s probably a bit too late for making up. He’s probably got someone else by now.”

“I don’t think so, bro.” Liam tries, but Harry shakes his head. “Louis is not one of those people who are alone for a long time. People are drawn do him easily and there’s probably someone much better than me in his life.” Harry says and Liam wants to slap him, because there is no one who’s worth more than Harry Styles. There’s also no one who values that thing about himself less than him.

He’s about to protest, but the door to the office slide open, revealing someone in the doorway. Both Liam and Harry jump out of their seats.

“You’re gay, Harry?!” Luke shouts shutting the door closed.

Harry’s frozen and Liam’s no better. He wouldn’t expect a different reaction from Luke, to be honest.

“Luke...” Harry tries, but his voice cracks.

“Liam?” He snaps at him and Liam glares at him. Luke shrinks a bit, because he can’t really address him like that. “You knew about this?” He asks a bit quieter.

“Yes. I knew about it.” Liam snaps. “You have some kind of problem with it?”

“Yes!” Luke gasps. “You don’t?”

Harry looks like he’s about to burst in tears and Liam understands. Luke is one of his best friends and he thought that he’d be a supportive about this, or at least respectful. Liam wants to punch him.

“No, I don’t.” He says flatly. “Harry’s my friend, my brother and I’m not gonna let the fact that he’s into guys change anything. It’s stupid.”

“Stupid?” Luke asks incredulous. “You think this is stupid?” His expression hardens. “Your dad wouldn’t put up with this shit even for a second.” He looks at Harry who’s crying right now. “You’re lucky you’ve been hiding it so well when he was alive. He’d let me break every bone in your body.”

“That’s what you want?” Harry croaks. “To beat me up?”

“That’s what you deserve for being a fa...” Luke starts, but Liam swiftly comes up to him and fists his hands into Luke’s shirt, almost lifting him up from the ground.

“Don’t you fucking dare.” Liam growls. “If you value your life, you won’t say it.”

“What is wrong with you, Liam?” Luke gasps, trying to get Liam to let him go, but not succeeding. “Your dad would be so disappointed at you.”

“Well, he’s dead.” Liam deadpans. “And I don’t care about what you think.”

Luke ignores him. “He’d disown you for supporting a faggot!” He shouts. “He’s punish you so hard, you’d never think twice about disobeying him ever ag...”

Liam throws him on the floor and he hits it so hard, Liam can hear something break. Harry cringes. He doesn’t do anything but stand there, too shocked.

The door suddenly open and Ashton, Calum and Mike are running inside. Mike crouches, cradling Luke to see how he is and the other two stopping Liam from breaking something else.

“I told you to shut your fucking mouth.” Liam growls. Luke looks up at him and Liam knows that this is not over.

His heart sinks into his stomach when Luke speaks up again. “You’re one of them, too.” He states. “You’re a bloody queer, just like him!” Luke shouts.

Liam can feel everybody in the room tense at his words. He looks at Harry, looking back with hopeful eyes.

Liam knows that this is the moment he was waiting for. His father is gone. There is no one with a higher position here than him and this is finally happening. He gets to help his friend and to come out himself. No more hiding, no more being someone else.

But this is the world where that’s exactly what you have to be. That’s why he shakes his head and tries his best to make a straight face when he turns back to Luke. “I am not gay and you have no fucking right do insult me like that!” Liam says.

He can feel everyone’s eyes in the room on him, but Harry’s are burning a hole in his skull.

“Insult?” Harry says and Liam turns to look at him. “You think being gay is an insult? You?” His eyes widen to make a point.

Liam shakes his head. “Harry, don’t.”

“How does you saying that make it any different from what he said?!”

Liam suddenly gets an idea. He maybe fucked this up, but he sees another opportunity to help Harry, so he doesn’t change his answer. This is a bit harder and Harry will be pissed at him, but he’ll have to understand later.

Harry has always wanted to get out of this shit, only staying and working with Liam’s dad because of Liam. This is his chance to get him out of here and have no one ask any questions.

“Please, leave.” Liam says flatly.

Harry’s eyes widen and everyone in the room stops breathing for a moment. “What?”

“I want you to leave.” Liam responds. “I want you gone this very moment.” He looks at Luke, who’s lying on the ground, holding his broken hand with another. He’s looking at Liam like he can’t believe this is happening. “And don’t think about coming back. It’s the best for everyone.”

“Liam...” Harry tries, but Liam can’t look him in the eyes. He has to make it convincing.

When he gets no response, he grabs his coat and storms out of the room and shouting: “Fuck you, Liam! Fuck you straight to hell!”

Liam hears him choking back tears and he’s doing the same thing by now. The fact that he just had to hurt his friend to help him leave this hell he’s been living in because of him is tearing him up from the inside.

Mike helps Luke get up from the ground when he finally breaks the silence. “I can’t believe you had to break my arm to show that fag that he’s not worth a thing, but I’m glad you did.” Luke says. “Your dad would be so proud.”

Liam lifts his head, giving Luke a look that wipes off the smirk off his face. “If you use that word one more fucking time in my presence, I will break more than just your arm.” Liam’s voice is steady and firm. “Harry’s gone because I don’t want him to live in this hell anymore and I don’t want him to live and work with sons of bitches like you, anymore.” Luke gapes at him. “I don’t mind him being gay even a little bit. It makes me love him even more and hate you ten times more for being a such a slag to one of your best friends.”

Liam turns to speak to the other guys. “Take him with you and check that thing up. After that, I want you to put him in one of the rooms in the basement and lock him up.” He looks back at Luke who’s looking at him incredulously. “He will not see the light of the day again, until he finally gets how big of a mistake he made.” Liam growls the last part. “You guys are the only family I have left and I will not have one of you being stupid and reckless and ruin all of it. Take him.”

The other guys just nod, Mike with a smirk, taking Luke with them as ordered.

Luke’s just gaping, not saying a word, like he can’t process what Liam just did.

Soon enough, Liam is left alone.

He goes to sit in his chair, looking at a blank spot on the wall.

That’s when he finally breaks.

Liam hasn’t cried for years, but lately he can’t help it. It’s just too much.

He lost Zayn a few days ago, which broke him into a million pieces and now his best friend.

He thinks of his father and how different things would’ve been if he never accepted that offer, if he never got into this business. Liam would’ve been a normal kid, without money, but also without these problems that he can’t solve.

On the other hand, he would have never gone to that stupid school where he met Harry. They wouldn’t have moved in together and become friends, the other guys too. He wouldn’t have met Zayn.

Those are the things he can’t bring himself to regret.

That’s why he’ll find a way to get out of here, to go back to the life he longs to have.

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn looks at the sleeping figure in his arms. He slowly runs his fingers through the soft curls of the sleeping boy.

He looks so much younger like this, Zayn thinks.

He said goodbye to Louis in the morning before he left for home. Zayn decided to stay in London this weekend, due to the fact that his family were visiting some relatives and he’d be home alone. Niall promised to come over on the weekend, so they spend some time together and so Zayn can show him around the town.

He was cleaning his room when he heard the knocking on his door. He rushed to open, only to find Harry on the other end.

The boy was sobbing and shaking and Zayn was too shocked to do anything but pull him into the flat and cradle the boy in his arms.

When they went to the living room, Harry took a whole hour to get himself together. Zayn kept quiet, waiting for some kind of explanation. He didn’t know what do think.

Finally, Harry spoke. Zayn only nodded to everything that Harry said, but he was dying in the inside. He calmed the other by, cuddling him, trying to show him that he was safe until he was asleep in his lap.

When he was sure that Harry wouldn’t wake up, he grabbed his phone and got up slowly, arranging Harry on the couch, so he doesn’t fall off.

Grabbing his cigarettes from the table, he went to his room, lighting up as soon as he was inside.

He tried to calm his breathing, but his heart was beating too fast and his blood was boiling in his veins. He was full of rage.

He took his phone and opened a new text message.

He typed quick, not trying to pay attention to mistakes, like he usually would.

This was it. When he finished, he looked at the phone for a whole ten minutes, trying to find reasons not to send it, but failing. He remembered his pain and his tears, hidden from everyone.

He thought of his friends’ worried faces, because he tried to play it off as a bad day, but the image of Harry sobbing while he confessed everything that they said to him was too much.

He hit the ‘send’ button, crawling onto his bed as he tried to blink away the tears, but failing once again.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam stared at his phone for a long time before he threw it on his desk, storming to the window.

He fumbled to open it with his shaking fingers, but when he finally managed, he let the fresh air fill his lungs. He couldn’t breathe for a moment, clutching the wood on the window to try and catch his breath.

When he finally did, he let his body slide down on the floor as his chest felt too tight again.

Harry went to Zayn and told him everything. None of them knew the reason all of that happened, but Zayn’s message made it clear enough that whatever his reasons are, he fucked up more than he thought.

The message said:

_“What you did to me can pass as being a dick and me being a fool for letting you hurt me, but what you did to your best friend today... IT HAS NO FUCKING REMEDY! He came to ME, after all of you fucked up and left him alone and broken. I will not let you hurt him even more. You are a bastard, Liam. You didn’t stand up for him the way you should have. And not admitting that you were gay after being with me and saying that you loved me is just showing that you lied about wanting to get out of that place. I’m sorry for the day I fucking met you and for being your little bitch. You stay away from me and from Harry. You better listen to me this time, or I swear to god, Liam.”_

There is no way Harry’s going to forgive him that easily, but he has to hope.

Zayn, on the other hand, showed him that Liam just destroyed every hope of them getting back together. He had the chance to leave and to be with Zayn and he didn’t take it.

His eyes clenched shut as he sat on the floor of the office. He was all alone, without any way of consolation.

 _That’s what I deserve_ , he thought.

_This is me paying for my mistakes._

He pulled his legs up to his chest as he stared at the door, thinking that someone would walk in and tell him it’s just a nightmare.

No one did.


	20. If you could spare an hour or so

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20. :) xx

“Are you sure there isn’t an explanation for all of this, Zayn?” Niall asks from his seat on the couch.

“Hell no.” Zayn says. “I refuse to forgive and forget this time. And I’m a hundred percent sure that this is him finally showing his real face, now that there’s no dad almighty that can put him in his place.”

“That’s mean.” Niall informs him.

“Yeah, well.” Zayn offers him a cigarette and Niall sighs, taking one.

He came by in the morning, all happy with a grin on his face and hug to drown Zayn in. His smile was wiped off after he found out what happened.

He met Harry, who took to him immediately, but that was normal since no one can actually resist Niall. He told him everything, like he’d known him for years while Zayn watched from the doorway.

When he finished, Niall hugged him tightly and kissed him on the curls.

Zayn smiled at them, taking in the picture before him. Two boys that didn’t know each other longer than a couple of hours, but still giving each other comfort and love. He chuckled when Niall poked Harry’s cheek until a dimple showed up and Harry actually laughed.

After they had coffee, Harry went into the shower, leaving Niall and Zayn alone. They sat in silence for a while, smoking and cuddling close.

“I’m sorry you came here to find us so fucked up.” Zayn lifted his head up as he told Niall.

Niall rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna be honest with you, ‘kay?” Zayn nodded. “I didn’t come here for you to drag me around the town the whole weekend, I could’ve stayed at home and leave it to Greg to do that.” He points out and Zayn laughs and shakes his head fondly. “I came here because I know that you’re broken and you won’t admit it to anyone. I came to pick up the pieces and put you back together. The more I can, the more I will.”

“Niall…” Zayn groans, but he hides his smile in Niall’s neck while his friend laughs.

“That’s why we’re gonna spend the whole apartment in this shitty flat.”

He cackles when Zayn elbows him. “Wanker.” He chastises.

“We’re gonna heal, babe.” Zayn’s heart is full of emotions he can’t quite name at the moment.

“Love you.” He says instead and lifts his head to flash a smile to Niall.

Niall kisses him on the forehead. “Love you, too. Missed you so much.” He hugs the hell out of him then.

“You have no idea.” Zayn says. “Thank you for taking care of Harry, by the way.” He adds.

Niall smiles. “We might have seen each other for the first time today, but he isn’t exactly a stranger, Zee.” He points out. “You told me a lot of things about him and considering that he came to you after all of this shows that he’s a better friend to you than we both thought.”

Zayn nods. “Yeah, he is. I don’t care about how things are going with Louis or Liam, I know that Harry’s my friend.”

Niall smiles at him. “He’s considered a friend on this side, too in that case.”

“Thank you.” Harry says from the doorway making them both jump a little, not expecting it.

Harry’s changed into different clothes that Zayn gave him. He was afraid that they won’t fit, but they fit more than perfect.

“You’re very welcome.” Niall says. “I’m very fond of curly people.”

Zayn and Harry both laugh.

“Looking good.” Zayn says to Harry and he gets a wink in return.

“I have to go and pick up my stuff.” Harry says, a little unsure.

Zayn pales. “At Liam’s dad’s place?” Harry nods. “You want me to come with you?”

Niall shakes his head. “No, I’ll go. You’re…” He pauses. “You.” Is the only explanation he gives making Zayn role his eyes at him.

“No, I’ll go by myself.” Harry assures them. “I need to do this alone.”

Zayn finally relents. He gets up and comes up to Harry. “Fine. But you know you can come here after that, right? As long as you want to.”

Harry drags him into a hug. “Thank you.” He smiles against his neck. “But, I’ll be staying at a friend’s place. I’d love to be here, but I don’t think I could. With Lou and all…”

Zayn shakes his head. “I’m sorry about that. I hope you’ll be fine.”

Harry nods and grabs his coat, putting it on.

“You know…” Niall starts, making both of them look at him. “He’ll come around. I’ll bet you on it if ya want?” He grins.

He means Louis, of course.

Harry and Zayn share a look and then they both grin despite of themselves, because no one can deny Niall.

Harry keeps that tiny smile on his face as he slides out of the flat, leaving Niall and Zayn alone.

To heal, like Niall said.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam’s in his office when Ashton storms in.

“Li! He’s here!” He shouts while the door’s not even opened half the way and surprises the hell out of Liam.

“Ash, calm down.” Liam says. “Who’s here?”

“Harry.” Ashton says breathlessly.

Liam jumps out of his seat. “Is he… back?” He stutters.

Ashton shrugs. “I don’t know, but I don’t think so, Li.” He says sadly. “I think he’s only here to pack his stuff.”

Liam moves from his desk, but pauses for a second. He opens the drawer on the left and pulls out an envelope.

Then, he runs upstairs as fast as he can.

 

* * *

 

 

He finds Harry in his room, as he expected. He’s folding his clothes and putting them into his traveling bag.

He doesn’t notice Liam when he runs inside, but when he closes the door shut Harry turns so fast his neck could’ve snapped.

He looks at him for a moment, but then he turns his head away again, not sparing Liam another glance. He doesn’t say a word, either.

Liam stands there awkwardly for a moment, before he breaks the silence.

“So it true. You’re leaving.” Liam says softly. Harry doesn’t even acknowledge his existence. “Harry.” Liam tries, but still nothing.

He slowly comes up to Harry and when he’s about to touch him, Harry turns around to snap at him. “What?!”

“Haz…”

“Don’t ‘Haz’ me, I’m doing exactly what you wanted, I’m leaving. I’m sorry I had to come back for my stuff, but sending Zayn or Niall would be a bit too much shit for them to handle.” He says.

Liam feels like Harry’s words have burned a hole in his chest. “Har…”

“I want you to leave me a…”

“Shut up.” This time Liam snaps at him. “Shut the fuck up and listen to me.”

Harry looks a bit put out but recovers quickly. “Why would I listen to you?” He asks, his voice cracking in the end. “I thought we were done and you didn’t want me here anymore.”

Liam nods. “I don’t want you here anymore.” Harry turns his eyes away. “That’s why I faked all that shit, so you can finally be free to leave, without anyone asking questions.” Harry’s wide eyes snap back to his. “I know I hurt you, but Luke had to believe it, so he would confirm in front of others.”

“You what?” Harry asks incredulous.

Liam cracks a smile, but it’s sad and full of guilt. “I was about to confess everything to him, but then I came up with this and I thought ‘why don’t I give him a chance to live like he wants, when he’s been throwing it all away because of me in the first place?’ I didn’t think I’d hurt you that much, though. I’m sorry.”

Harry drops onto the bed, his head in his hands. “Liam.” He breathes. “Liam.”

Liam goes to sit next to him. “I know it sounds wrong, but…” He pauses. “Get out of this house. Run as fast as you can.” He chuckles and Harry shakes his head and bursts into tears.

“I thought you were ashamed of me.” Harry croaks. “Ashamed of yourself. And you were…” Liam hugs him. He hugs him with all of the force he’s got.

“Hell, no.” Liam says. “I love you, you mean the world to me. I would never think that. And I would never be ashamed of who I love.” Harry nods and finally hugs back.

“I won’t leave you.” Harry says.

“Yes you will.” Liam says firmly. “Even if I have to drag your skinny ass out of here myself.”

“I don’t want you to stay here alone.”

“I won’t be alone, I have the others.” He explains. “Plus, I don’t plan on staying here forever, either.” He adds.

“Promise?” Liam nods.

They just hold onto each other for a moment, but Harry speaks again. “He’s pissed, Li. You really hurt him, too and…”

“I know.” Liam nods his head hurriedly and pulls back to wipe the tears from Harry’s cheeks.

“I’m gonna explain to him and you can talk about it s…”

Liam interrupts him. “No.” He shakes his head. “It’s over between us and I don’t want to try and glue it all back together when it’s not gonna hold on long enough and it will break again. Just, no.”

Harry speaks again. “But he needs to know what you did and…” Liam shows him the envelope he brought up. “What is that?” Harry asks.

“It’s a letter. Will you give it to him?” Liam asks.

“What does it say?”

“Everything.” Liam says, blushing.

“I will, Li. Don’t worry about it.” Harry nods.

Liam stills for a moment. “Niall is here?”

Harry nods. “He came this morning, gave me a lot of free hugs and kisses to make me feel better.” Harry says and Liam smiles. “Zayn wanted to show him around, but he’s being the best friend he can be, staying inside with him…” Harry pauses for a second.

“Tell me, please.” Liam breaths.

“He said that as much as Zayn tries to hide it, he’s broken and he’s trying to put him back together.” Harry finishes softly, looking at Liam’s reaction.

Liam tries to play it coolly, not wanting to give Harry things to tell Zayn. He doesn’t need to hurt him even more. “I wish I would’ve met Niall.” He smiles softly.

“Yeah…” Harry breathes. “He’s ace.”

“Okay, now let me help you pack. I want you out of this madhouse as soon as possible.” Liam grins.

Harry grins back. “Thank you.” He says softly and Liam kisses him on the cheek and they go back to packing.

“You gonna go abroad like you wanted?” Liam teases.

Harry grins. “I’ve always been a fan of Spain, to be honest.”

It’s weird, how easily your life can change, Harry thinks as he watches Liam sideways.

They hug tightly and smile silent promises into each other’s necks before Harry leaves this part of his life behind for good.

 

* * *

 

 

Harry ends up doing just that. He spends a few days at Nick’s place, then packs up and leaves for Spain. He’s not gonna quit college, he’ll just continue with it in Spain.

But that’s not all.

He asks someone to accompany him, and after a couple of days of thinking about it, Zayn does the same as Harry and goes with him.

It’s even harder to say goodbye this time.

His mom isn’t who cries the most. She hugs him tightly and whispers sweet things to him and makes him promise he’ll visit a lot as soon as he settles in. His father and his sisters give him encouraging hugs and Safaa makes him promise to buy her something pretty.

Niall cries the most. Greg and Zayn corner him into a hug, while he sobs, but still has enough quirkiness to shout: “Not the sandwich! Aw, come on.”

They all laugh through their tears.

“Don’t get all Spanish with me from now on, clear amigo?”

Zayn laughs. “Si.”

And then he gets the best Horan hug ever.

“I still can’t believe I let you do this.” Niall murmurs into his neck.

“I blackmailed you, remember?” Zayn teases. “I promised to tell everyone how you and Maria…”

“Shhh!” Niall scolds and Zayn laughs even harder.

They stay pressed like that until Harry practically drags Zayn away so they don’t miss their flight.

When the plane takes off, he thinks he hopes that this was a good idea and that he’s not going to regret it, but he already misses everything he left at home and it makes things so much harder for him.

 

* * *

 

 

They’re half an hour into their flight when Harry tells him.

“I spoke to Liam.”

Zayn tenses up immediately. “You think it’s a good idea to talk about this while we’re on the fucking plane?” Harry just shrugs. “What did he say to you?”

And Harry tells him everything, slowly and calmly.

Zayn can feel his chest about to burst at the end of the story.

“He said sorry.” Harry says. “And I forgave him. I owe him everything even the fact that I get to do this.” Zayn looks out the window. “He gave me a letter.” He turns his eyes back on Harry’s. “For you.” Harry finishes softly.

Zayn’s just sitting there, wide eyed and surprised.

Liam wrote a letter. For him.

“What does it say?” He asks slowly.

Harry shakes his head. “I don’t know, I haven’t read it. When I asked him, though,” He pauses. “He said ‘Everything.’”

He bends over his legs to retrieve one of the smaller bags he brought with him on the plane. He carefully opens it, eyes on Zayn’s and then takes out an envelope out of it.

It’s white and there’s his name written on it in curvy letters.

Harry hands him the envelope slowly and Zayn eyes it suspiciously.

That letter contains every single thing they lived through together, every moment he’s trying to forget. There’s probably an apology, too.

Zayn grits his teeth. He doesn’t want to that. He needs to be angry with Liam. He needs to hate every single part of what he is and what he did, because it’s easier to be away from him. They’re not getting back together and if he reads that letter, it will make things much harder for him.

He shakes his head. “I don’t want it.” He tells Harry.

“Zee…” Harry says softly.

“No, Harry. If I read it…” He gulps. “I’m not gonna be able to let go and that’s exactly what I need to do.” He looks at Harry. “Please.” He begs.

Harry’s uncertain for a moment, but then sighs and nods slowly. “Okay.”

Zayn watches his every move as he puts the envelope back into the little bag and puts it away, out of Zayn’s reach.

It’s a burden, knowing that it’s right there along with all the words that Liam wrote down, but didn’t have the balls to tell him while they were together.

He looks out the window again while Harry sleeps through the rest of the flight with his head on Zayn’s shoulder.

 

* * *

 

 

“Zee, I’m leaving!” Harry shouts from the hallway. Zayn stirs in his sleep, but doesn’t respond. “If you don’t get up within the next half an hour, you’re gonna be late for work, you idiot!”

Zayn groans and sits up in his bed.

The door to his room open and he finds his curly haired roommate grinning at him. “Oh you’re up, that’s good.” He says brightly.

“Go away, you jerk.” Zayn groans again and Harry laughs.

“Good morning to you, too.” Zayn just waves his hand dismissively at him. “I have to go. Get up so you don’t get late.”

“Fine, now leave.” Zayn says, annoyed.

“Bye dear.” Harry blows him a kiss and Zayn smiles despite of himself.

He hates mornings, but Harry always wakes him up with a smile and that’s good enough for him.

He slowly gets up, heading to the bathroom.

After he’s freshly showered and had his clothes on, he goes to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. He can’t survive the day without his coffee.

Don’t feed him or give him anything else to drink for the whole day, but don’t take away his coffee. He takes small sips as he sits at the counter, looking around his apartment. It’s been easy, getting used to live here.

Marbella is beautiful. He still can’t believe that he gets to live and study here. It’s been three and a half months since Harry and he moved into this flat.

It’s nice, cozy and not really expensive. They both have their own rooms, a big kitchen and a cozy living room. They have a spare room, too. Zayn thought about getting another roommate, but Harry convinced him into making a little art studio for himself because of the beautiful view it has on the sea. It’s easy for them, for once. Both of them work in the same company.

The job is basically the same, too. Harry’s working as an assistant to the secretary, while Zayn works outside of the office, going on meetings with the boss while she gets new job deals with the foreigners.

Harry got the job because he’s more than capable of doing it. Zayn got his spot because he’s multilingual.

His mom always told him that his interest in languages and his knowledge would pay off some day. She was right.

The pay is more than good. He doesn’t work all day long and has time for his classes as well.

Harry’s schedule is a bit tighter, but they manage.

Harry’s phone suddenly goes off. Zayn groans. He forgot it again.

Zayn get up and goes to Harry’s room, but as soon as he gets in, it’s stopped ringing. He shakes his head and goes to exit the room.

An open drawer beside Harry’s bed catches his attention. He knows it’s rude to intrude into someone’s privacy, but there’s something peaking from it.

And envelope that’s very familiar.

 _When I asked him, though, he said ‘Everything.’_ Harry’s words echo in his head.

He should get out, close the damn door and go to work. He shouldn’t do this.

He storms do the bed in a blink of the eye and pulls out the envelope.

He sits on Harry’s bed, looking at it for a moment, but then rips it open, pulling out the paper.

It’s Liam’s handwriting. It makes his heart beat ten times faster and louder as he starts reading.

_“I know you’re probably pissed at me. I deserve that. I wish you weren’t, though. I know I’ve been acting like a jerk from the very beginning, but I had no choice. I regret all of it, just so you know. Being like a puppet for my dad to play with however he wanted, not standing up for my friends and for myself in time. Not being able to ignore everything and to fight for you and me. I’m so sorry._

_I don’t regret what I did for Harry. I know I’m going to miss him, he means the world to me, but I have faith that he’ll finally live a better life. Plus, I know that you’ll take care of him better than I ever would._

_Thank you for being there for him, for valuing him and being his friend even after all of the shit I’ve put you through._

_I don’t regret you in my life, Zayn. I want to make that very clear. I’ll cherish every single moment that I spent with you. I wish things were different and you were still with me, wrapped up in a blanket, laying in my bed and whispering sweet nothings._

_I miss your scent, the sound of your voice, the way you taste, everything._

_But it was my choice to let you go. I’m paying for my own mistakes and that’s okay. I_

_know this is hard for you, too. This letter probably makes things harder for you, but I had to tell you._

_I loved you. I swear I didn’t lie to you. I probably always will love you, don’t forget that._

_I hope you’ll be happy and you’ll live your life to the maximum, I want that for you. Take care of yourself, yeah? I need you to be safe._

_You’ll probably role your eyes at this, like you always would, but… I tend to keep my promises and I promised you something, remember?_

_I’m gonna do everything to get out of here. I can’t stand this place, it reminds me of all the things I lost because of it and I can’t keep doing this. I’m doing everything in my power to make things right, so I can leave all of it behind and leave for good._

_I have a promise to fulfill. And I can’t wait for it._

_So, don’t make it your habit, turning boys in your classes into a drooling mess when they’re around you and let them think there’s gonna be something, when it’s not gonna happen. They’re gonna be very disappointed when I come to get you, love._

_Mine, yeah? Always._

_All my love, Zee._

_Liam. ”_

 

Zayn realized that he was trembling when he finished reading. Tears were soaking his face and he tried to wipe them off, but they kept coming.

Damn Liam Payne. No one else had this effect on Zayn, ever.

He shouldn’t have read this letter, not now when things were finally alright.

He goes to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of water, lighting up a cigarette.

He was trying to quit, but fuck. This is too much.

Zayn was filled with a thousand emotions at the moment.

Anger, because Liam couldn’t tell him all of that while he was still around. Sadness, because there’s no way they can fix this. Hate, for everyone and everything that interfered into their lives, trying to destroy them and succeeding.

So much love for that stupid brown eyed idiot. He fought nail and teeth to it, trying to get away, but he crawled into his life, not asking for permission.

And guilt in the end. For not putting a better fight, even if he was destined to lose. Because, even if he never confessed, he loved Liam. He loved him more than anything and there was nothing he could do.

Mine, Liam said with a promise to come back.

Zayn wiped away his tears slowly.

He’s going to do exactly what Liam said. He’s going to live the best way he can, hoping that Liam will come back some day and praying that it won’t be too late for them.

He takes another sip of his water and then leaves for work.

 

* * *

 

 

He gets a phone call from a very drunk Niall the same day. He can hear Greg giggling like a maniac in the background along with his parents.

“What happened?” Zayn asks.

“The fucker, Zayn. The fucker.” Niall slurs. _Language, boy_ –he can hear Maura say to him. “Sorry mom.” Niall apologizes. “The fucker Zayn.” He says again and Zayn laughs along with everyone else in the background.

“Who’s the fucker, Ni? What happened?”

“Greg. Who else is it gonna be?” Niall groans. “I’m going to jail, Zayn.”

“What?” Zayn asks incredulous. “Why?”

Niall whimpers. “Because now I’m gonna have to poison her and they’ll put me in jail cuz I…” Niall hiccups. “I'll have to kill her.” He finishes. Zayn laughs harder than he’s laughed for days. “Not funny, Zayn. So not funny.” Niall chastises. “Bad boy.” That sets everyone into a much deeper hysteria.

“What are you talking about?” Zayn asks when he catches his breath.

“He proposed to Jenna, the fucker.” Niall moans.

“What?” Zayn screams. “No way!”

“You sound happy, that’s not fair.”

“I am, Niall. Shut up.” Zayn grins. “This is great.”

“No it’s not, fuck you, you’re supposed to be on my side.” Niall slurs but Zayn can hear him grinning.

“You are so out of it, go and sleep it off and in the morning, I’ll call you and make you admit that you don’t actually hate her and that you love the idea of this wedding.”

“Nope.” Niall’s voice is muffled, probably by the table. “I. Re. Fuse.”

Zayn laughs. “You’re gonna fall asleep on me, babe.”

“Mhm.” Niall muffles again.

“Okay, okay. Give my best to Greg and say hello to everyone. I’ll call you in the morning.”

“Mhm.”

Zayn chuckles. “Idiot. Sleepy idiot. Love you.”

“L’v ye.” Niall slurs and Zayn’s sure that he’s asleep before Zayn even presses the button to end the call.

Zayn looks up to find a grinning Harry in the doorway.

“We have a wedding to attend, bring out your suit.” He says and Harry picks him off the ground and spins him around while singing and laughing happily.

Zayn hugs back just as strong and grins as best as he can because as much as life can get hard, it can get better, too.


	21. We'll go for lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 21, guys. One more after this one. ;) xx
> 
> P.S. Drunk Niall is the best Niall. ^_^ <3

Zayn looks at himself in the mirror. He looks so much different than nine months ago. His hair is longer than it was and it’s getting harder and harder to style it into a quiff, but he managed, for the occasion. Scruff covering his cheeks makes him look a bit older, manlier. The tux looks good on him, hugging his body on all the right places.

He fixes his bow-tie and with that, he’s ready.

The door burst open and Louis comes into his room, Niall following right after.

Louis cat calls when he sees him and Niall hits him on the head. “Down boy.”

He grins and Louis snickers.

“Looking good, boys.” He says and he means it.

Both Niall and Louis look astonishingly gorgeous, but a tiny blush covering both of their cheeks says they’ve been going through the liquor cabinet already.

“We know.” Louis says.

“So hot.” Niall adds.

Zayn smirks at them. “Been checking out the alcohol, you idiots?”

Niall looks away grinning, but Louis is too sassy to stay quiet. “For your information, as a friend and the brother of the groom we had to sacrifice ourselves and drink some stuff just to make sure it’s okay.”

“Sacrifice your liver, you mean.” Zayn shots back.

“A liver? What’s a liver?” Louis plays dumb sending Niall into a deep laugh.

 _No more alcohol, ‘til after the wedding for you blondie_ , Zayn thinks.

“You know, Harry will be here any minute. You might wanna fix yourself up a bit.” Zayn says in a teasing voice.

Louis blushes a deep shade of red. “I don’t care what Curly does or thinks. I am not interested in it.” He says.

Zayn just smirks at him. He knows for a fact that Louis still has feelings for Harry and his curly friend has made it his mission to make the best of this wedding and win his love back. He’s just not going to say anything to Louis. He’s being a brat.

“He is very interested, though.” Niall throws in.

Due to their conversation, the door opens, revealing a mop of curls in the doorway.

“Good afternoon, gentlemen.” Harry says as he enters the room.

Niall starts laughing again, without no reason. Zayn shakes his head incredulously.

“Drunk already, bro?” Harry teases him.

“Drunk as a skunk.” Niall responds. “Or at least halfway there.”

All of them chuckle.

“No more booze until the ceremony’s done, ‘kay?”

“Mhm.” Niall nods his head, but it doesn’t sound very convincing.

Harry turns to Louis then.

Zayn can see Louis tense under his gaze, but doesn’t say a word.

Harry grins. “You look lovely, Lou.”

“It’s given.” Louis responds flatly, but Zayn can see something flash through his eyes.

“C’mon, Niall. Let’s go and see if Greg got cold feet yet.” Zayn says and Niall grins.

“No cold feet, mate. I got it all planned out.” Niall says as he gets up. “There’s a special meal for her.” He adds and Zayn cracks up.

“Stop playing, you idiot. You love her. It’s so obvious and it’s a bit too late, since she’s marrying your brother within an hour.” Zayn tells him.

Niall sighs and throws an arm around his shoulders as they go out. “I guess that’s true. C’mon, let’s get me a beer so I can live with that fact.”

They close the door, leaving Harry and Louis alone.

 

* * *

 

 

Louis turns to leave as soon as Niall and Zayn close the door behind themselves, but Harry catches him and pulls him back. “Lou…”

“No. Don’t.” He says. “I can’t do this.” He shakes his head.

Harry doesn’t let him go. “Yes you can.” Harry smiles. “I can.” He says.

Louis tries to put up a fight and get out of the grip that Harry has on his, but that only brings him even closer to him, ending up sharing the same air.

Harry has both of his arms tight around Louis and there is no way he can escape.

“Let me go, Harry.” Louis snaps. “Why don’t you just run away like you always do?”

Harry shakes his head. “Not this time.” He says softly. “Not ever again.”

“How the hell am I supposed to believe you when that’s the only thing you’ve ever done. You ran away on me every time, Harry.” Louis says, his voice breaking in the end. Harry’s eyes are burning into his.

“This time is different.”

“How? How do I know you’re not gonna run away as soon as I forgive you.”

Harry sighs and leans their foreheads together. Louis relaxes only a tiny bit, but it’s enough to encourage Harry to talk.

“I don’t have to hide anymore. There’s no one that can tell me what to do.” He smiles. “Who to love. I don’t have to go back to that hell house with stupid rules and an axe hanging over my head.” There’s so much hope in his eyes that makes Harry melt down. “Liam’s dad is gone, now.” He says sadly. The man might have been a dick, but he still treated him like a son of his own when Harry’s parents didn’t. “Things got out of hand one day with one of my friends and Liam took a chance and finally got me out of there.”

Louis smiles carefully. “So…” He starts, unsure. “You’re not going back?” Harry shakes his head. “You’re not gonna run away again and leave me?” He shakes his head again. “Sure?” Louis asks sternly. He needs a confirmation.

He gets it. It comes in form of a kiss.

It’s soft and careful and makes his heart jump all the way into his throat. He melts into it, and Harry’s grip onto him becomes firm but soft. His hands go to cup Harry’s face as he kisses back and Harry’s go to his waist. 

Suddenly, they’re kissing like there’s no tomorrow and this is the last time they’re gonna do it, but Louis knows that that’s not true. gets to do this every day from now on.

When they get out of breath, they finally pull back a little, but never breaking the contact.

“I love you, Lou.” Harry says as he nuzzles against his cheek. Louis thinks that his face might break in half from the size of the grin that forms on his lips.

“It’s given.” He teases, but Harry bites his jaw in retaliation. “I love you, too. So much.” He confesses.

They kiss again, this time sweet and slow until their lips are bruised and swollen.

“So, I own Payne that I got you back?” Louis chuckles. “I have to send him a thank you card.”

Harry nods. “He sacrificed a lot for me to have this.” He says. “He lost what he could’ve had with Zayn and…”

“What?” Louis frowns. “Zayn? What does he have to do with Liam?” Harry’s breath hitches against his neck and he pushes him back so he can look him in the eyes. He doesn’t say a word and Louis gives him a stern look. “Harry.” He warns.

Harry groans. “I forgot that you don’t know anything about it.”

“About what?” Louis hisses. “Harry you better speak up or I swear to God I’ll…”

“He’s gonna kill me.” Harry moans. “He’s going to kiiiill me!” He sighs. “I think he’s the one that should tell you about them.”

“Them?” Louis asks incredulously. “They were a thing?”

Harry smiles against his neck. “Oh babe, they were _everything_.”

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn is with Niall and Greg in Greg’s room when Harry and Louis burst into the room, hand in hand and matching grin sewed onto their faces.

Niall groans, but it’s playful. “This is a thing again? I’m never gonna let you live it down.” He says to Harry. “I called it, mate.” He tells him and Harry chuckles nodding in confirmation.

“Cold feet, love?” Louis comes up and drapes a hand around Greg’s shoulders.

“Nah.” Greg says happily. “I’m not a chicken, like my brother right there.” He sticks his tongue at Niall.

“Are you calling me a coward, Greg Horan?” Niall asks playfully and Greg nods. “I’m just gonna have to prove you’re wrong then.” He leans back in his seat with a smirk.

“Wait for me to get married first, please. Mom’s gonna have a heart attack if you do it before.” Greg says.

Harry, Louis and Zayn frown in confusion, but all they get as an explanation is a wink from Greg and a smirk from Niall.

“Zayn.” Louis starts and Zayn sees the look in his eyes. It’s warning and Zayn knows he’s in trouble. “We have to talk.”

“What did I do, now?” Zayn groans. “About what?”

“Someone called Payne.” Louis says and the whole room freezes. You could cut the tension with a knife. Louis looks at all of them giving Zayn sympathetic looks. “Wait. Am I the only one who didn’t know?!” He asks incredulously.

Zayn is too busy glaring at Harry to respond, though. “I’m going to have off your hair in your sleep.” Zayn tells him pointedly and Harry gives him an apologetic look. He sighs in the end and looks at Louis. “You know that you’re a judging little shit sometimes, Lou. Plus, you warned me a million times not to go for him.”

“But you did, didn’t you?” Louis shots back. Zayn nods. “Care to explain?”

“Outside?” He pleads. “Greg needs to get ready.” Louis nods and they get out on the balcony.

They sit there, bathing in sunlight while Zayn talks.

For the first time, Louis stays quiet and listens to the whole story while Zayn tells him everything, his eyes closed and his head leaned back onto his shoulders.

“I wish things were different, but I believe all of it happened for a reason.” He finishes.

Louis sniffs and that brings him back to reality.

“Louis Tomlinson, are you crying?” Zayn asks, jaw on the floor.

“Shut up.” Louis wipes at his cheeks. “You know how much I love these mushy love stories.”

“Lou.” Zayn shifts closer and hugs his friend.

“I wish you told me sooner, so I could’ve been there for you.” Louis says.

Zayn shakes his head. “You were trying to heal your own wounds, babe. And I’m fine, now.”

“I’m sorry I was a judging little shit.”

“I didn’t mean that.” Zayn kisses him on the head. “I wish I told you sooner, too.” Louis nods and snuggles deeper into his embrace. “I’m glad you and Harry are okay.”

Louis smiles. “Yeah.” He pulls back and gets up, pulling Zayn with him. “Let’s go now. We have a wedding to go to.”

They both grin et each other and go inside, hands clasped together.

 

* * *

 

 

The wedding is absolute bliss.

Jenna is beautiful at the ceremony and Zayn elbows Niall when he looks at her like with proud eyes.

Niall groans at him and Maria, who’s standing next to them just smirks at the interaction.

Maria is absolutely beautiful, too.

She’s wearing a long wine-red dress with lace all over it, high heels that are high enough for Zayn to go behind her all the time thinking she’ll fall and break something.

She doesn’t, though. She looks like a right princess, Zayn thinks and when she catches him looking at her she flashes him her best smile.

Niall looks down at her and kisses her on the lips softly, going to stand behind his brother at the altar.

She shuffles closer to Zayn who hugs her and kisses her on the top of the head. She sighs happily. “You’re looking at me like Niall’s looking at Jenna.” She teases.

“Yeah, but I’ve loved you from the day one and Niall’s still coping with the fact that he doesn’t hate her the way he wanted.” Zayn smiles. “You’re too beautiful.”

“Thank you, hun.” She snuggles into his arms and they spill a few happy tears along with everyone else as the priest says: “You may kiss the bride.”

 

* * *

 

 

The party after the wedding is amazing. Everyone’s singing and dancing and only people that are sober are the children under sixteen.

Zayn looks at his friends and family.

His dad and Bobby are chatting with some people at their table. Maura’s dancing with Harry who’s flipping her around, while Louis does the same to Trisha. It’s hilarious, but Zayn can see how happy they are.

Maria’s chatting to Jenna, while Niall’s talking to Greg in the corner.

That’s when Zayn catches his eyes and Niall grins at him. Greg pulls him into a hug and then Niall’s coming up to him.

“What are the two of you up to?” Zayn asks as Niall approaches him. Niall takes the drink out of his hand and downs it in one gulp. “That’s not water.” Zayn points out.

“Babe, I’ve been drinking alcohol before I could even hold the glass.” Zayn laughs at that. “Look.” Niall starts. “I apologize in advance for not telling you anything, but I know your nerves would kill you and you’d go with the news to my girlfriend.” He says.

“Tell me what?” Zayn frowns.

That’s when Greg speaks into the microphone. “Can I have your attention, please?” Everyone turns to look at him.

“What are you up to, Niall?” Zayn hisses.

“Whish me luck, bro.” Niall winks at him and goes to stand in the middle of the dance floor. Zayn shakes his head in confusion as he sees Greg come up to Niall and give him the microphone.

“Mom,” Niall starts. “Please sit down, breathe.” He says and he chuckles as Maura obeys, wide-eyed. “I know this is a bit sudden and out of nowhere, but we’ve been planning it for a while now.” He turns to Maria and that’s when Zayn gets it. A grin flies across his face and he can feel tears of joy prickling in his eyes. “Can you come here, love?” He asks and she slowly comes up to him. Zayn can see her trembling a bit. “It’s okay.” Niall whispers as he takes her hand and drops on his knees. She burst into tears and he grips her hand tighter.

“ _Dear_ …” He says and everyone laughs. He always calls her ‘dear’. “I love you, more than anything. You’ve been making me so happy since the day I met you and I can’t imagine my life without it being like that every day. Will you do me the honor of letting me do the same thing for the rest of my life? Will you marry me?” He finishes.

Zayn can feel ringing in his ears before she croaks out a ‘yes’ through her tears.

Everyone jumps out of their seats as they scream from happiness.

Niall puts a ring on Maria’s finger and gets up, taking her into his arms and kissing her senseless.

The applause is absolutely deafening.

After the things have calmed down a bit and everyone’s gone back to celebrating, Zayn approaches Maria, kissing her soundly on the cheek and hugging her tightly.

He finds Niall, then. “You fucker.” He says, but he hugs him as tight as he can.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but the look on your face was priceless.” Niall says as he hugs back.

“Damn you.” Zayn laughs.

He pulls back to look at him. “I’m so proud of you, you have no idea.”

Niall nods and then leans their foreheads together. “We’re gonna be okay, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Zayn and Greg say in unison as Greg comes up and pulls them both into a group hug.

 

* * *

 

 

Later that evening, when they all get wasted, Niall and Zayn go outside to smoke, trying to sober up a bit so Maura and Trisha don’t kill them both.

“My mom asked me if I felt alone, ‘cause I’m the only one who’s single.” Zayn starts and Niall grins at him. “I’m too happy and I have all of you. There’s no way in hell I could ever feel alone.” He says softly.

“I know you’re not a person who would depend on a guy like that.” Niall says and Zayn nods. “You’re not gonna be alone forever, though.”

“Yeah, I know. She doesn’t believe that I could meet someone new ‘cause I’ve been single for so long.” He snorts. Niall smiles and stays quiet. “What? You agree?”

Niall laughs. “No. I believe that you could, but…” He smirks.

“What?”

“Remember how I told Harry that Louis will come around eventually and today he finally did? I called it.” Zayn nods, not knowing where this is going. Niall smirks at him. “Maybe you’ve already met someone and you’ll just have to wait for him to get back to you.” He says softly. Zayn groans, finally catching up. “Someone made you a promise to come and get you, is I remember correctly.”

“Niall.” Zayn chastises.

“I’m gonna be so proud when he comes back one day and steals you away.” He smirks.

Zayn slaps him on the arm. “I hate how much you remind me of him.” He admits. “You’re just like him sometimes.” He shakes his head when Niall laughs proudly. “He’s not gonna come back, Niall. It’s too fucked up. He’ll run for his life.” He tries to joke.

Niall drapes a hand around his neck as he shakes his head. “Nope.” He says. “If he’s anything like me, he’ll be back in your life as soon as possible and he’s not gonna let go. Ever.” Zayn groans. Niall smirks again. “ _And he’s gonna kiss you like you’re his, and mark you like you’re his, and fuck you like…_ ” He sings.

“Give me another one.” Zayn swats his hands away as he lights up another cigarette.

He laughs as Niall makes kissing noises and tries to look annoyed, but he can’t really be serious with Niall.

He gives up after a while, laughing along and enjoying the fresh air and his friends company.

What even was this day?

It doesn’t matter. As long as there are more of them.

 

* * *

 

 

_**Three years later…** _


	22. Down by the river

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is the last one I'm updating tonight. Chapter 22.  
> Three years have passed and a lot of things have changed.  
> Liam and Zayn will reunite in this one.
> 
> Don't pay much attention to Zayn's behaviour in the end, everything will be fine.  
> No more sad stuff, I promise. ;) Only good stuff.
> 
> We're nearing the end, btw. :D Two more chapters to go. :)  
> I hope you'll stay with me.  
> Thank you so much for reading, you're awsome. :D  
> Here it is. Enjoy! xx <3

_**Three years later...** _

 

Zayn stops in the doorway and looks at the picture before him. It’s his best friend with his daughter.

No one could go wrong and mistake Fate for someone else’s kid when she looks just like Niall. Blond hair, blue eyes and a huge grin with blushing cheeks as her father throws her into the air and catches her in his eyes again as they play.

It’s been crazy three years. They passed in a blur of happiness and joy and Zayn thinks life couldn’t get any better. Everyone was okay.

His parents and sisters were living in perfect harmony, his dad finally getting a job and gave them a better life.

Maura and Booby have been enjoying living with four of their grandchildren.

Greg and Jenna had the twins, Matei and Stefan a year after they got married. They were followed by John, just a year later.

Niall and Maria went to college as a married couple not thinking about kids, but since _protection_ was forgotten a few times, nine months later, there was Fate. She really was brought by fate, Zayn thinks. It was a bit shocking, because they were in college, but they managed and now, this little seven months old angel was the best thing they all could’ve wished for.

He moves again, bringing coffee cups into the living room.

Niall grins at him. “Coffee.” He breathes. “Bless you, mate.” He goes to sit and Zayn takes the little girl from him, cradling her in his arms.

She makes cute little noises and smiles at him when he coos at her. “Hey, baby Fate.”

“She’s too fond of you, mate.” Niall says after he takes a sip of his coffee. “She’s gonna love having you here when you move back to London.”

He grins. “Yeah. I can’t wait.” Zayn confesses. “Spain is wonderful, by my heart is here.” He kisses the bridge of Fate’s nose and she cackles in return. “At home.” He smiles.

“You talked to Eric about this?” Niall asks.

“Yeah.” Zayn sighs heavily and goes to sit by Niall’s side. “He’s still fighting me on it. He wants to stay home.”

Zayn has been in a relationship with Eric for the last year and a half. It’s pretty serious, in his opinion and Eric is lovely, but he never agreed to leave for London if it wasn’t a short visit.

“So let him stay home and you move back here, where you belong.” Niall says easily.

Zayn snorts. “You really don’t like him, do you?”

Niall shakes his head. “I never have. He’s too bitchy for my taste and you deserve ten times better.” He says as he chews on a cookie.

Zayn sighs. “At least you’re honest.” He smiles. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Why don’t you just break it off with him. It’s not like you’re in love with him.” Niall points out.

He’s not. In the beginning, everything was so amazing and Eric was everything that Zayn thought he wanted. They got into a relationship and Zayn’s not gonna lie, they’re good, stable. But everything’s too slow and monotone. Everything they do at this point is just an old habit. There’s no love. If there was at some point of their relationship, it’s gone by now. But Zayn hasn’t thought of a break up.

“Because I can’t just throw it away after building something with him for a year and a half.” Zayn says. “’S not that easy.”

“’Course it is. You come up and tell him it’s not working anymore and you don’t love him. You don’t even like him. You gather your stuff, get on a plane and come back to live with your friends and family. The end.” Niall grins.

Zayn shakes his head. “You are such an idiot.” He says, but he’s laughing. “I won’t break up with him.” Zayn insists.

In that very moment Fate punches him hard on the head with a toy. It doesn’t really hurt, but she surprises the hell out of him. She’s wearing a frown on her face which transforms into a grin when Niall starts laughing.

“You hit me, Fa’e!” Zayn says.

Niall’s so red Zayn thinks he’s gonna choke. “Good girl.” He says and kisses Fate on the cheek. “Even she knows that he’s a dick.”

Zayn snorts and when he looks at her, he can see her trying to repeat the last word.

“If her first word becomes ‘dick’, Maria’s gonna throw you out of the house.” Zayn says pointedly.

Niall pales. “Mommy, Fate. Say mommy.” He tries but Fate shakes her head repeatedly.

Zayn grins at how ridiculous they are.

He wouldn’t give it away for anything in the world.

 

* * *

 

 

“C’mon Louis. I’m starving.” Harry whines.

Not once in these three years has he managed to go shopping with his boyfriend and finish in less than two hours. Today, he took three hours to pick out a pair of shoes and a shirt.

Harry’s starving at this point and he practically drags him out of the mall.

Louis laughs at him. “I’m driving you crazy again, aren’t I?”

“Yep.” Harry says.

“You love me, though.” Louis sings behind him and Harry stops to kiss him soundly on the lips.

“You are very lucky that I do.” He says when he pulls back and grins at his boyfriend.

“That I am.” Louis winks at him. “Now let’s go and eat before you eat my new shoes.” He jokes and Harry nods, laughing.

They’re a few steps behind the corner when someone drags him away from Louis and jumps on his back.

He panics and thinks of fighting back, but he lifts his head to see Louis looking at this person on his back and grinning wickedly.

The person on his back is definitely a man, heavy and solid weight on his back. He has no idea who it is. But then the man on his back releases that boyish giggle Harry missed so much and it’s unmistakably him.

“Liam?” He says softly, praying that he’s not wrong.

The man gets off his back and turns Harry around to face him.

It is him.

It’s almost the same shade of brown hair, now buzzed at the sides, but in some kind of quiff at the top. Same brown eyes that crinkle in the edges. Same plump lips stretched into a familiar grin.

“Liam!” He shouts as he launches himself into his friend’s arms.

Liam hugs him back forcefully, his smile pressed into Harry’s neck. “I can’t believe it’s you, Harry.” He breathes.

“Me neither.”

They stay like that for another moment, but then pull back to look at each other.

“What are you doing here? I heard you were in Spain.” Liam says.

Harry nods jerkily. He still can’t believe it. “I was. But I’m done with college and my company’s gonna transfer us here so we can go home.” He explains. Louis clears his throat behind them. “Lou, come here.”

“Nice to meet you, Liam.” Louis says extending his hand.

Liam takes it and shakes it. “Nice to meet you too, Louis.” He grins at Harry. “I see the two of you got back together.”

Louis nods and hugs Harry. “Yep. Three years.” He turns back to Liam. “I never got a chance to say thank you, for what you did.” He adds.

Liam shakes his head. “Would do it again if it would give me this.” He shows at the two of them. “I’m so glad you’re fine.”

Louis nods. “You wanna have a lunch with us? Harry was just saying he’d eat my shoes if I don’t feed him soon.”

Liam laughs and looks at Harry. He’s got a hopeful look in his eyes.

“Some other time?” Liam says. “I have to pick up someone and I have a meeting in the afternoon.”

Harry nods sadly. They exchange numbers and Harry and Louis both give him a hug.

“Don’t be a stranger now, Li.” Harry warns him with a smile.

“I won’t.” He promises as they say goodbye.

 

* * *

 

 

He’s leaning against the wall, glaring at his girlfriend’s back while she changes.

She’s talking about some shit that he can’t bring himself to listen, or he’ll lose all of his hair.

He has no idea why he’s still with her.

She’s only with him because of the money, of course. Plus, dating the owner of Pay-co is a privilege to her.

To Liam, though, she was just a one night stand that he didn’t say goodbye to when the time was right and she just stuck around. Soon enough, everyone thought of her as his girlfriend. Honestly, he doesn’t give a shit.

She’s making him crazy, by this point, talking about pointless things. He’s gonna have to end it. He’ll give her tonight, though.

It’s a business dinner with a foreign company. The CEO and her husband, as well as her secretary and her boyfriend will accompany him.Liam’s not really keen on going, but it’s an important deal.

Sophia turns around after he’s finished. “Am I beautiful?” She asks happily and Liam wants to bang his head against the door.

“Are you done?” He answers with a question. He’s not gonna answer her question, for her own good. The dress she’s wearing is way too short and tight. He’s not sure if she’s planning on breathing tonight. She’s wearing too much makeup as well. If she put some more on, she’d look like his mother.

She rolls his eyes as she grabs her purse, passing Liam and storming out of the flat in her heels.

Liam rolls his eyes as well as he follows her out.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s cold, but that’s normal for December. Liam pulls up in front of the restaurant, getting out of the car.

Sophia doesn’t wait for him to open the door. She knows it’s not gonna happen. She takes his hand when they enter the place, though.

The place is nice, he has to admit. It’s really cosy and not too loud. “Reservation for Perez?” Liam asks the waiter.

The waiter nods. “Come with me, please.”

They follow him through the room leading to their table. Mrs. Perez’s already there with her husband.

“Good evening.” He says and shakes their hands and Sophia does the same.

“Good evening Mr. Payne. Please have a seat.” Mrs. Perez says. “My secretary will be joining us in a few minutes, he’s gone out to take a call. This is his boyfriend, Eric.” She gestures to another man, sitting at their table.

“Nice to meet you.” He says as he shakes Liam’s hand.

“You, too.” Liam nods.

They all sit down and engage into a light conversation.

 _He_ comes back and sits down next to Eric, before he even pays attention to Liam, but Liam sees him and his heart drops to his stomach.

He’s so different, but it’s him.

His raven hair is longer, tied into a tiny ponytail. There’s a beautiful stubble covering his cheeks, making him look so much older. He’s not a boy anymore, Liam can see. Everything about him screams that he’s a man now. He’s dressed all in black, tight pants and a shirt with his sleeves rolled up. There are so much tattoos covering his arms and Liam can see more of them peeking on his chest from where a few buttons are opened.

“Zayn, is everything okay?” His boss asks.

He nods at her. “Yes, sorry for leaving.” His voice is deeper than Liam remembers.

“It’s fine. Can we continue now?” She asks politely and Zayn nods. “This is our potential partner, Zayn.” She gestures to Liam and Liam’s stops breathing.

Zayn turns his head with a smile.

Then he lays his eyes on his.

“Meet Mr. Payne.” The woman says.

Everything comes crashing down.

 

* * *

 

 

Four years. Almost four fucking years have passed since the last time he saw him.

He finally had the life that he wanted. All of his friends and family were safe and happy. He had an amazing job and a stable relationship.

The moment he laid his eyes on him, all of half of those things fell into the water.

Liam was here, in front of him.

He was looking back at him with wide eyes and Zayn’s sure he was surprised, as well.

“Meet Mr. Payne.” Mrs. Perez said.

He didn’t move and neither did Liam. They just kept waiting for another’s reaction, not being able to react first.

“Zayn? Zayn.” Eric shook him from his trance. “Are you okay?” Zayn shook his head, looking back at Liam.

“I’m not feeling well, I need to air.” He gasped and got up.

He stormed out of the restaurant. He heard Mrs. Perez tell his boyfriend to follow him out, but he needed to be alone. He doesn’t know how to handle this.

He ran behind the restaurant, letting chilly air bring him back to his senses.

_Liam is here. Liam is back. Liam. Liam. Liam. Liam. It’s the only thing echoing in his head._

“Zayn? What the hell was that?” Eric shouts, coming up behind him.

“Liam.” Zayn gasp incoherently. “That was Liam.”

“I’ve met Mr. Payne.” Eric says. “Do you know him?”

“Yes. He’s Liam...” Zayn paces around his head in his hands.

“I fucking heard you the...”

“He’s _my_ Liam, Eric!” Zayn stops as he screams.

“Your ex boyfriend Liam?!” Eric’s eyes widen comically. Zayn nods. Eric grabs his hand roughly. “Are you telling me that you’re risking your job and your whole career to have a panic attack over your ex fucking boyfriend? While I’m right in front of you?” He shouts.

Zayn has never seen him like this. He’s furious. “Eric...” He tries but Eric grabs his arms roughly.

That will probably bruise and Zayn is too stunned to move.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? You are going to get your shit together and get inside so you don’t get fired for being stupid.” Zayn is unmovable from his tone.

“I can’t...” He croaks. “He...”

“I swear to God, Zayn. If you don’t get in there, I’ll...”

“You’ll what?” That’s not Eric. Eric is being dragged away from him and then Liam punches him so hard he flies back a few feet and then falls to the ground, yelping in pain. “You peace of shit.” Liam spits. “You have no right to touch him like that.” He growls. “I’ll put you in your place.”

He starts toward Eric, but Zayn catches his hand before he can do something stupid.

He turns around to face him and Zayn is stuck again.

Liam’s eyes hold him in place once again and he can’t move.

There’s a fire burning where his hand fits around Liam’s wrist. It still feels the same under his fingertips.

The shuffling in the back brings them back to the real world. Eric apparently got up and he’s running down the street with his bloody nose in his hands.

Liam scoffs and tries to go after him, but Zayn holds him in place. Liam doesn’t fight him on it.

He lifts his hand and traces the bruises that Eric’s grip left on his arm, but Zayn flinches after a second.

He releases Liam’s wrist and starts backing away.

“Zee...” Liam says softly, but Zayn shakes his head and turns around to leave. And Liam lets him.

He runs, then, as fast as he can. Until his lungs hurt and he’s on his last breath.

Until the hard thump of his heart becomes louder than Liam’s voice in his head.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam stares at the spot where Zayn was standing a moment ago.

He didn’t follow him. Liam knows that Zayn needs space right now.

But he can’t fight the smile that spreads across his lips.

He just saw Zayn.

_Zayn._

After four years, he finally has an opportunity to see him again, to get him back, maybe.

He promised he’d to everything to have him. And Zayn promised to hold him onto his words.

He grinned as he started towards his car.

This is so sudden and he still has to think about it, but Zayn will be his again, mark his words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? :)  
> Kudos if you liked it and comment as always, please. xx
> 
> Sorry if there's mistakes, I was in a rush. xD  
> See you in a week or so. Much love. xx <3


	23. We can really talk this through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you see mistakes, I'm sorry, I'll edit it later. ;)  
> It's late and I have to get up early, but it's been more than a week and I wanted to update.
> 
> One more chapter to go, guys. :D  
> I'll post it with an epilogue as soon as I can.  
> Stay with me, yeah?  
> Here you go. Enjoy. :*** <3

“You okay, bro?” Niall asks.

Zayn spent the night at Harry’s and Lou’s place, but he needed Niall right now, or he was going to lose it. That’s why the first thing he did in the morning when he woke up, was that he got dressed and stormed to his best friend’s place.

Maria was out with Fate and it was just Niall and him at the moment.

Niall, of course didn’t ask questions. The first thing he did was that he dragged Zayn to the couch and enveloped him in a tight hug while Zayn told him what happened the night before. He was quiet, listening while cuddling close to Zayn and sliding a soothing hand through his hair. They spent most of the morning like that.

Later, they went on the balcony for a smoke. They both needed one.

Niall was looking at him with sad and curious eyes.

Zayn didn’t know what to say. He shrugged. “I’m not sure. This wasn’t what I was expecting of last night.”

Niall nodded and then his expression turned into something wild. “I’m glad that son of bitch got what he wanted. If Liam hadn’t broken his nose, I would have.” He growled.

Zayn snorts. “It’s not exactly ideal, Niall.” He says. “I have to go back to him today. What Liam did made things much more complicated than they should be.”

“You’re not thinking of going back to live with him, are you?” Niall snaps. Zayn is unresponsive for a moment. “Zayn! Look at this!” He grabs his hand and pulls up his sleeves to show the bruises Eric left the night before.

“Niall…”

“No way in hell.” He shakes his head and releases his hand so it drops at his side.

Zayn sighs. “What he did was wrong. But we still have to talk about it.” Niall snorts. “Hey, I can’t just break it off without even talking about it. We’re supposed to live together. I’ve been with him for the past year and a half.” Zayn snaps. “I can’t just throw it away because Liam reappeared in my life after so much time has passed.” He shakes his head. “I can’t let him fuck it all up again.” He whispers. “I can’t let myself do the same to him.”

Niall puts a hand on his back. “Look at me.” Zayn does. “You and Eric would’ve broken up anyway.” Zayn wants to protest, but Niall shakes his head. “You know that’s the truth. You’re not in love with him and I think that’s the only way you would really commit to someone. That’s why I’m sure you’d break up eventually, sooner or later.” Niall shrugs. “Liam, on the other hand surprised the hell out of all of us, coming back like that, but” He smiles softly. “I don’t think you should lose your head over it. What he did last night was splendid, the fucker deserved to have his nose broken,” He jokes. “But you should probably try and forget what happened. Who knows when you’re gonna see him again.”

Zayn whimpers. “That’s the problem. I can’t forget about it. I’m sure I lost my boyfriend and my job too because of him last night. He managed to break everything I’ve been building for myself in years in ten minutes.” He says. “And the worst thing is that I’m not even thinking about those things. All I’m thinking about is that Liam’s back and Liam is here and I just...” He shakes his head.

“’S okay, buddy.” Niall hugs him. “You’re gonna be fine, Zaynie. Why don’t you get ready for work and go to see your boss?” He suggests. “Go and apologize. Try to keep your job, babe.”

Zayn nods. “I guess that’s a good idea.”

He showers and takes Niall’s clothes, so he doesn’t have to go home for his own and face Eric.

He needs to take care of his job, first.

Damn Liam Payne. No matter how far he goes or how much deep he tries to bury him, he always manages to come back to him.

He doesn’t know what to do with that.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hello, Zayn.” Mrs. Perez greets him as he enters her office.

She doesn’t look mad or disappointed, like Zayn thought she would.

“Hello.” He says. She gestures for him to have a seat and he does.

“How can I help you?”

Zayn gulps. “I wanted to apologize for what happened last night. I didn’t feel well an dI know I left without goodbye or an explanation, but…”

“Zayn,” She interrupts. Zayn feels like he’s dying while he’s waiting for her to speak again. Her expression suddenly changes and when she flashes him a smile, he thinks he’s about to faint. “Are you feeling better today?” He nods. “There’s no need to explain anything. You know, I spent a good part of my morning thinking about firing you.” She says and Zayn slumps further into his seat. “However, Mr. Payne came in this morning and begged me not to do it.” Zayn eyes widen and his expression sharpens.

“What?”

She laughs. “He told me that you staying here is the key for us to sign the contract with him.”

“Mrs. Perez…”

“No, Zayn.” She shook her head. “I thought the worst things at first, but he explained everything.” Zayn’s eyes burned into hers. “He told me it was his fault, the way you reacted. Also, that you were a very important part of his life and that he made you a promise that he was going to keep.” All kind of emotions flooded his body. “That was still a bit unclear and then,” She smiled again. “He told me a short version of everything that happened in the past.” She finishes softly.

Zayn gulps. Liam came and told his boss about them? Why the hell would he do that? He shakes his head. “Mrs. Perez, I don’t know how much Li… Mr. Payne has told you, but I want you to keep me here because of your own reasons and not because of his pity.”

The woman looks at him incredulously. “Zayn Malik. You are one of the best employees I’ve had and I would have kept you either way if you explained yourself. You are worth more than you think.” She points out.

“Thank you.” Zayn says honestly.

“You’re welcome any time.” She smiles. “You can take the day off, but come back tomorrow, because I still need you to take care of some stuff, all right?” Zayn nods. “Anyway,” She gets up from her seat. “I’m going to take an early lunch break, so I’ll be leaving you now.” She smiles and Zayn returns it.

“Have a good day, boss. Thank you one more time.” He says.

“You, too. And,” She stops when she’s about to reach her door. “Mr. Payne is quite the catch, Zayn.” He snorts. This is so ridiculous. “If I was you, I’d let him keep that promise.” She winks and gets out.

Zayn leans against her desk and tries to count how many times Liam and his actions left him speechless. He has no idea.

He sighs and leaves the office. He’ll deal with Liam when the time is right.

Right now, he’s got a boyfriend to deal with.

 

* * *

 

 

He doesn’t find Eric when he goes to gather his stuff. Instead of that, he finds a half-empty closet.

The only things inside of it are his own and Eric seems to be long gone.

Zayn checks every room, but him and his belongings are no longer there. He goes to the bedroom and sits on his bed, his head in his hands.

“How did things change overnight?” He asks himself.

He remembers last night. Eric and he were getting ready for the dinner, everything perfectly fine. They went there together, hand in hand and in no time all of that fell into the water.

His phone buzzes with a new text in that moment. When he unlocks it, Eric’s name flashes across the screen.

Zayn’s heartbeat is loud in his ears as he reads.

_“You are probably back. I left for Spain before you could even bother to explain. I loved you, you know? But with the time, it was only becoming convenient for us to be together. Love vanished before we even realized. Not all of it, I guess, since you never stopped loving Liam Payne. Tell him he’s got a mean swing, the fucker. But what he did is understandable. I regret for treating you like that. I’m sorry, Zayn. I’ll send you the stuff you left at my place as soon as possible. As you can see, we can’t keep this going. Please go back to him, I know you still love him and he’s the one who should be with you. I wish you luck. xx”_

He threw his phone against the wall and watched it shatter in a hundred pieces.

His boyfriend was long gone and his relationship was shattered like his phone, along with a piece of him.

He didn’t cry as he got up and got out on the balcony. Lighting up another cigarette, he let the cool air fill his lungs as well.

Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be, like Niall said. And he’s been hurt before, he’ll get over it.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam looks at his girlfriend. She’s sitting on the bed, waiting for him to climb into the bed with her, but that’s the last thing he’s thinking about.

He shakes his head. “No, Sophia.”

She snorts angrily. “Why the hell not?” She snaps. “You’ve been avoiding this and avoiding me for days. I don’t know what’s wrong.”

 _Because you’re dumb as hell_ , Liam thinks. She doesn’t see what’s right in front of her nose.

“You and I, that’s what’s wrong.” He says.

“What?”

Liam sighs. “Look, Sophia. I’m not in love with you.”

Her breath hitches. “Wait.” She says. “Before you even go on… are you breaking up with me?”

“Yes.” He says, not hesitating even for a beat.

She jumps up from the bed. “Why?”

“Because we’re not gonna work. And you should be with someone who’s gonna care about you.” He explains.

“You are so full of shit!” She screams. “I know there’s another woman in your life!”

He snorts. “There really isn’t.”

“Don’t lie to me, Liam Payne. I know there’s someone.”

Liam looks up at her. “Oh there is.”

Her brow furrows in confusion. “But you said…”

“I said there wasn’t a woman.” _Come on, put two and two together, dammit._

“A man?” She blurts out. _Bravo_ , Liam thinks. “You’re gay?” Liam nods. There’s no point in denying it. He doesn’t have to hide anymore. “What the hell? Then why were you with me?”

“Because you weren’t originally supposed to stay. I’m not repulsed by women, I just like guys more. And it’s not my fault you didn’t get the memo.”

She paces around the room, her hands on her head. “I can’t believe it. I was so damn stupid. You are such an asshole.” She says as she starts picking up her clothes. “I’m leaving you.” She pulls on her clothes.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you.” He says. She might be shallow and annoying, but he can see that she’s hurting. She shakes her head as she reaches the door.

She pauses in the doorway and turns to look at him. “Is it worth it? Is he worth it?”

Liam nods. “I’ve loved him for years. I’ve also hurt him very badly and I have to do everything to get him back, so…” He smiles. “Yeah, he’s worth it.”

She nods. “Have a great life, Li.” She says and leaves right after.

Liam smiles to the empty room. He’s not going to waste this chance, he swears.

His phone buzzes and brings him out of his thoughts. He smiles when he grabs it and Harry’s name flashes on the screen.

_“Would u, Liam Payne, do us the honor of spending the Christmas Eve wasted, under a Christmas tree with us? :D It’s Lou’s birthday and there’s a party. He said he’d b very happy if you’d attend and I rly wanna see u again. Pretty pls? :) xx”_

Liam stares at the message. He’s going to have his chance sooner than he thought.

He responds quickly, while laughing at his friend’s cuteness.

_“LOL, Haz. Ofc I’ll b there. Wouldn’t miss it for anything. Text me the address. xx”_

Zayn’s going to be there, the realization hits him again. He facepalms.

“What am I gonna do?” He says out loud and laughs nervously, running his other hand through his hair.

 

* * *

 

 

If anyone knows how to make party, that’d be Louis Tomlinson.

There are so many people in the flat that you can’t even breathe properly. The music is blasting through the speakers, the crowd dancing and singing along with the song. Louis hasn’t sat down for an eternity, dancing all the time and drinking his weight in alcohol. Harry’s watching over him, so he doesn’t make something stupid, watching him with heart eyes all the time. Zayn’s sat in the corner with some people, observing his friends.

Niall and Maria next to the bar, talking to Harry. Niall’s drunk, of course, blabbing about some stuff while Maria laughs at him. The guy can be really fun after a drink or two.

He scans the crowd once again. He doesn’t know everyone, or at least he thinks so. When he arrived, the party had already began an he probably didn’t see half of the people that are in the room.

He looks at the place where Niall was standing a few moments ago, but he’s not there anymore. Maria and Harry catch his eyes, but look away quickly, which makes him frown.

He thinks about approaching them, when Niall appears next to him.

“Crazy party, yeah?” Niall shouts over the music.

Zayn nods. “Wanna bet how long it takes for the neighbors to complain and call the police?”

Niall grins. “I sure hope they won’t. Hey…” He starts. “Let’s go out on the balcony, I wanna have a smoke.” He’s blushing hard and Zayn blames it on the alcohol and the heat. He nods. “C’mon.” Niall says and grabs his hand, dragging him through the crowd to the balcony.

When they reach the door, Niall pushes him in front of him, so he can get out first, but as soon as he opens the door and gets out, Niall closes the door, staying inside.

“What are you doing?” He asks, but Niall keeps grinning apologetically on the other side of the door. Zayn shakes his head, confused.

Niall eyes something behind Zayn which makes him turn around and see for himself.

When he does, he’s left speechless.

“Shit.” He curses, panicked.

 

* * *

 

 

“Shit.” Zayn says. He turns to Niall again. “Open the damn door, Niall!” He shouts, but Niall shakes his head.

“Enjoy.” Niall shouts back happily and pulls a curtain over the door.

“Niall! Come back!” Zayn shouts, banging his hands on the glass, but it’s useless. He gives up, eventually, leaning forward on the cold glass. “Dammit.” He whispers.

It’s a quiet for what feels like an eternity, and Zayn knows that he’s waiting for him to turn around, but he can’t face him right now.

He turns around after a few minutes, gathering some courage.

 _He_ looks the same, Zayn thinks, but there something manlier about him, too. The hair still looks soft, a darker shade of brown than in was before. His shoulders are wider, he stands taller than Zayn remembers. Soft plump lips forming a small smile, turning into a familiar smirk when he notices Zayn looking at him greedily. And the eyes. Of course they’d be the same, Zayn thinks. There is a fire dancing in different shades of golden and brown, yellow spots scattered around the wide-blown pupils. They still crinkle in the ends, giving his sharp look something boyish and soft.

He’s dressed all in black, just like Zayn, the sleeves on his button-up rolled up, showing more tattoos than he remembers. Once again, Zayn has an itch to paint him. It makes his whole body tremble as feelings and memories keep rushing back to him.

“Hi.” Liam’s the first to break the silence.

Zayn swallows thickly. “Hi.” He croaks.

Liam comes closer, holding his gaze all the time and Zayn can’t move.

“Please don’t blame Niall, It was kinda my fault.” Liam says softly.

Zayn snorts. “What did you offer him?”

Liam smile is sudden and it knocks the air out of Zayn. “A car, a mansion, a flat, a job, money. I was impressed when he patted me on the back and asked for a babysitter.”

Zayn laughs at that, his walls slowly breaking, even if he’s fighting it. “Fate’s a riot.” He admits. He goes to lean on the fence of the balcony, looking at the city lights. It’s mesmerizing during Christmas holidays. “What do you want, Liam.” He whispers.

“You.” Liam says automatically and Zayn’s eyes close on instinct.

“What makes you think you can have me?” He croaks.

He hears Liam shift and after a beat, he feels his body warmth on his side where Liam’s leaning on the fence next to him.

“I made you a promise.” Liam says softly.

“Promises can be broken.”

“Not mine.” Liam says and Zayn sighs, defeated.

It’s quiet again. They’re just breathing, a thousand thoughts in their heads.

“You alone here?” Liam asks, his tone uncertain.

Zayn snorts and turns around to face him. “Seriously, Liam?” He starts. “You’re gonna do that thing again, where you’re too of a chicken to ask me if I’m still with my boyfriend, so you go around the subject?” Liam turns and just grins in response. Zayn shakes his head, but he’s lips are twitching, fighting a smile. He diverts his eyes again. “Eric left. You scared him off.”

When he looks back at Liam, he shifts back and grins proudly. Zayn glares at him.

“What?” Liam says. “Don’t expect me to apologize, I’m not sorry.” He says defiantly.

Zayn snorts. “Of course you’re not.”

Liam shifts closer to him and when Zayn tries to pull back he grabs him and pulls him into his arms. Zayn tries to wiggle out, but Liam holds him tight.

His breath fanes across his neck when he speaks and Zayn’s breath hitches. “I told you there will never be anyone who’s gonna stop me from getting you back, babe.” He says. “And now that you’re back in my life, I’m not gonna let you leave again.” He finishes.

Zayn gulps. “Liam, please.”

“Anything.” Liam promises, his lips grazing the skin on his neck.

“I thought I was done hurting, but” He pauses. “I’m not. I can’t forget so easily.” He can feel Liam tense. “I need time.” He says.

Liam pulls back to look him in the eyes. They blaze with fire, once again.

He nods. “I’ll give you time.”

“You will?” Liam nods. “Can we…” Zayn starts, but cuts himself short.

Liam raises his eyebrows. “Tell me.”

Zayn shuts his eyes. “Can we be friends? We were never friends before.”

Liam draws him closer and Zayn doesn’t fight him on it. He opens his eyes to see Liam smiling at him.

“For now.” Liam nods.

“For now?” He asks and Liam hums. “And later?” He asks.

Liam leans forward and peppers soft kisses against his cheeks and then softly bites his jaw, surprising him. He smiles against his cheek.

“Mine.” He says and if Liam wasn’t holding him, Zayn’s sure he would melt to the ground.

“That’s very possessive, Liam.” He chastises, but he’s barely containing a laugh.

“And you still love it.” Liam says against his skin.

He kind of does love it.

It would be so easy to turn his head a little bit and they’d be kissing, but Zayn was telling the truth. He needs time.

Instead of responding, he hooks his hands around Liam’s neck and drags him into a deeper hug, so that there’s no space between their bodies. Liam hugs back just as hard.

“I’m gonna tell you everything, Zee.” Liam whispers against his neck. “I’m not gonna go away this time.”

You better don’t, Zayn thinks as he lets the familiar body and familiar scent of Liam take him back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think?  
> I know I could've done it better, I know. Sorry. xx  
> Comments? xx LY.


	24. I'm half a heart without you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, everyone. :)  
> It will be followed by an epilogue. I'll post it in a few minutes. xx <3

His life doesn’t seem to have changed so much, even if it did. There’s no Eric to come home to, or his job and college in Spain. He’s back in London, enjoying everything he left there a few years ago. His friends and family, familiar streets of London, the feeling of being home and being close to everyone he loves. And in the end, Liam.

It should feel odd, having him around after so many years, but the way Liam blends in his life right now feels more right than wrong.

He still can’t believe how fast Louis accepted him into their little group. Some of these days, Liam and him have been spending more time together than Harry and Liam or Zayn and Louis would in the past. Zayn and Louis have always been ‘partners in crime’ as his mom would say, but Liam has stolen that away from him and Zayn isn’t jealous of it. He loves it. He loves the way he catches Harry looking at Liam sometimes with that fond look in his eyes that makes Zayn’s heart swell in his chest. He knows how much Harry loves having him back. They’re like brothers, after all.

Niall took to Liam immediately. Zayn still can’t believe how much they’re alike in some aspects. They both seem guarded in public, sharp when it comes to defending something they love, but they both blush that beautiful shade of red when you tease them about something, lowering their heads with a grin. Niall also adopted that Liam’s usual smirk and Zayn shivers every time he does it.

When it’s a quiet night in, like this one with just five of them around, Liam curls up to Niall so naturally and Niall cradles him against his chest. It’s unbelievable how beautiful the sight is to Zayn.

Niall never liked Eric like this, or talked to him like this. He wouldn’t even shake his hand if he didn’t have to. Liam won him over in an hour, or even less.

His mom was reluctant to let Liam in at the start, thinking that he would make Zayn suffer again. But the way he’d sit for hours listening to his dad talking about nothing special, the way he would pick Safaa up and spin her around playfully until she giggled happily and promised that she wouldn’t fight with his older sisters, or the way he’d always act so polite and wonderful finally made her give up. Now, she looked at him like he hung up the stars in the sky.

He fit in so good in every aspect of his life, that Zayn knew for sure that if Liam decided to go away some day and leave them, he’d never recover.

Tonight, it’s one of those nights when all five of them curl up in front of the TV, sitting on the floor around the table, even if there’s an empty couch in the room. They aren’t even paying attention to the television, talking instead. Liam leaving the drug lord position is the current topic and Zayn’s been tense since the conversation started, because Liam’s hasn’t told him anything about it yet.

“Are you done with it now?” Louis asks from where he’s cradling Harry in his arms.

Liam nods. “Yeah.”

“So the business is destroyed now, or what?” Niall asks.

“No.” Liam shakes his head. “It’s not exactly ideal, having to leave it like that, but I had to. I left Luke in charge, after he came to his senses and he finally got out of that cellar.” He looks at Harry who cringes at his words. He knows that Luke spent days in there until he finally admitted he was wrong and begged for forgiveness, saying he understood it and that he just wanted to be like Liam’s dad, even if it was wrong. “He’s doing a good job, I think. As soon as I was sure I had a good heir to leave in my spot, I gathered my stuff and left.” Liam continued. “I took over Pay-co after my dad, because at least it was legal and the money wasn’t really a problem even if I didn’t.” He says. “I just needed time to come back to my senses after all of that shit.” Louis nods in understanding.

“How long have you been out?” He aks.

“For less than a year.” Liam says.

“It took me a while to get out. Wasn’t easy. They flipped shit when I left, trying to get me back.” He looks at Zayn, who’s staring at the ground, not saying a word. “I refused.” Liam grins. “Had better things to take care of.” Zayn can feel all eyes on him and he can hear all of them smirking.

“Yeah, Sophia, right?” He says and everyone snorts while Liam laughs.

“I said better stuff.” Liam points out and Louis laughs.

“Why were you with her, if she was that bad?” Niall asks.

Liam shrugs. “Seemed like a good idea at the moment.” He says and Zayn snorts.

“Let’s set up a movie, yeah?” Zayn says, getting up and moving towards the TV. They all laugh.

“Jealous?” Harry says and Zayn flips him off without turning around.

 _“The Dark Knight Rises.”_ Liam whispers and Zayn grins when everyone else protests.

He’s shoved away from the TV by Louis who picks out some shit vampire romance movie like always, then turns around with a challenging look to see if someone dares to protest. Nobody does.

“Splendid.” He says happily and crawls into the space between Harry and Niall on the floor. All of them cuddle together.

When Zayn goes to sit beside them, Liam grabs his hand, getting on the couch and pulling him into his arms. Zayn doesn’t object when he ends up with his back against Liam’s chest.

Through half of the movie, Louis has managed to fall asleep, Niall and Harry talking about something, hushed so they won’t wake him up. Liam cradles his hand through Zayn’s hair every now and then, playing with random strands of hair in the meantime.

The scene in the movie changes dramatically as the guy grabs the girl by her hair drags her really close to him and Zayn can feel the familiar hand in his hair tighten its grip on it, dragging Zayn’s head back at the same time the girl’s neck is exposed.

He can see the fear in her eyes, the way she knows what’s coming but doesn’t fight him on it as the sudden emotions fill her body. He bends down, so close to her silky skin, lips curling into a smirk.

His breath hitches and his eyes close on instinct as she’s about to be bitten, missing the rest of the scene when familiar lips and teeth graze his neck. His gasp is muffled my fingers as Liam brings his other hand to his lips.

“Hush.” Liam whispers against his neck. “We don’t want to wake them up.”

He drags his eyes to the other three that are now fast asleep.

“What are you doing, Liam?” He whispers back harshly.

“Remembering.” Liam says as he drags his lips against Zayn’s skin. The soft tongue that darts out and draws foreign patterns against his neck diverts his attention enough for Liam’s hand to crawl under his shirt and start caressing his skin. Zayn stays still, not knowing what to do as arousal spreads through his body.

“I wanna remember how you taste.” Liam continues. “How good your skin feels under my hands.” Zayn swallows thickly as Liam pushes at the hem of his shirt. “I wanna see all new ink you’ve got under the layer of these clothes.” Liam smiles against his neck. “I know that there’s more than I remember, because you’re addictive to it.” He shudders against the last words. “Just like I’m addictive to you.”

“Liam.” Zayn shakes his head, trying to fight this. “I thought we were trying to be friends.” He says thickly.

Liam hums. “We are, babe.”

Zayn snorts. Why is he saying this, then? Friends don’t do that.

“We are.” Liam insists. “If we weren’t...” He pauses, throwing Zayn a bone and even if he shouldn’t, he takes it.

“What if we weren’t?” He asks, nervous for the answer. The walls he built around himself melt once again as he feels the smirk against his right cheek.

“First, I’d take you home.” Liam starts, his voice husky and deep. “Then I’d take all of our clothes as soon as we’d be inside. I’d pull you into the shower, because I know how tense you are all the time and I know how much the warm water relaxes you.” He kisses his cheek lightly to make him relax. It doesn’t help. “I’d kiss you under the spray of water, then.” Zayn shivers with want. “I’d kiss you for so long until the water got cold and we’d have to get out.

Then, I’d take you to bed and tie you up with my bandana. The red one, ‘cause I like how red looks against your skin. I would look at you, naked and flushed from the shower as you’d try to squirm away from my gaze, but I’d kiss you again to stop you. Moving lower and lower, I’d trace your skin with my tongue. When you’d expect me to take you into my mouth, I’d turn you over quickly and before you could protest, I’d start opening you with my fingers and with the tip if my tongue.” Zayn barely stifles a moan from the words. Liam’s hand trips against his skin, comes to rest at his hip, soothing the want.

“I’d have you squirming and begging for my cock before I’d give it to you.” Liam continues. “When I’d have you ready, I would turn you over again. I’d suck a million marks onto your neck and your chest until your moans and pleas could be heard through the whole neighbourhood. When I’d be sure that you couldn’t take it anymore, I’d push into you, so deep and so fast to make us both cry out from pleasure. I’d try to make it last longer, but I’d make you come just from my cock, untouched and I’d follow right after because you’d clench around me so sweetly and because I’m sure I’ve never seen something more beautiful and arousing than you when you come undone beneath me, Zayn.” Liam whimpers against his neck as he picks up loose strands of hair that are sticking at Zayn’s forehead from the sweat.

“Later, when you’d be lying in my arms fast asleep and breathing evenly, I’d admire the traces of me on your body. The way you’d look just like you’re mine, more than ever. And you’d tease me in the morning about being possessive and kinky as fuck, but I’d kiss you to shut you up. I’d take you to bed again and we’d make love for days, until how much I love you and how much you mean to me would be better imprinted in your skin that your tattoos.” Liam finishes.

“Liam.” Zayn gasps.

Liam hums. “I know, love.”

Zayn doesn’t know what to do, or how to act. He can’t move because he thinks he might faint from the way his head spins and his whole body trembles.

Nothing’s going to happen here tonight. He prays that his dick gets the memo and calms down.

“You can’t say those things.” He groans.

Liam laughs. “You see that I can.” He teases.

“Damn you.” Zayn says, but his lips twitch as he fights a helpless smile.

“I promised, I’d try to be your friend, Zee.” Liam says and Zayn melts from the nickname. “This is the best I can do.”

“You’re quite shit at it.” Zayn points out.

“Oh, Zayn. I’m great at it.” Liam breathes. “If I weren’t, we’d be making those wishes come true.” He smirks and Zayn snorts.

They keep quiet for minutes, just holding onto each other, but shuffling on the floor brings them out of their daze.

“Are you two quite finished so we can stop pretending we can’t hear you?” Louis says.

Zayn’s head snaps up as Liam muffles a laugh against his shoulder.

“That was hot as fuck.” Niall says with his cheeks flushed. “Not sure I wanted to witness it, though.” He grimaces and Zayn laughs along with everyone else.

“How kinky are you exactly, Payno?” Louis asks incredulous.

Instead of Liam or even Zayn, Harry’s the one who gives the answer.

“You don’t wanna know, babe.” He shakes his head while Louis looks at him amusedly. “I’ve practically lived with him half of my life and the walls that separated us weren’t thick enough.”

Zayn feels a pang of jealousy, but covers it up with a laugh of his own.

“Can we stop talking about sex for one minute?” Niall asks. Everyone stays quiet. “Horny bastards.” He grins. “Zaynie, who’s gonna help you to move in?”

Zayn rented a house now that he’s moving back to London. He could’ve stayed with his family, but he figured that he’s old enough and earns enough to live by himself. He has yet to move in, though.

“Um.” He pauses, looking around the room. “You lot?” He asks hopefully.

Liam nods at him, agreeing, but the rest of them shake their heads.

“You wanna move in on the next weekend.” Niall starts. “I’m going with Maria to her parents’ house and these two” He points to Harry and Louis. “Are going to Manchester, remember?”

He does remember. “Yeah.” He groans, taking his head in his hands. “I can’t wait for another week, my mom’s already flipping shit because of my things scattered around the house.”

“I guess it’s just you and me, then.” Liam says and Zayn turns to look at him. He’s got a shit-eating grin on his face that makes Zayn give him a glare. It earns him a laugh from everyone. “I promise not to take advantage of your innocence.” He promises and Zayn snorts while everyone laughs once again.

“Fuck my life.” Zayn says as he facepalms which sets Niall into a deeper hysteria.

He’s a bubble just ready to burst, Zayn thinks sometimes.

 

* * *

 

 

Zayn’s pretty sure Liam’s been counting the times Zayn tripled over his own feet and almost fell face down with one of the huge boxes in his hands. But that’s kind of his fault. He’s the one that knocked on his door at arse o’clock in the morning and pulled him out of the bed, excited like Christmas came early.

One would think that he’s the one who’s moving.

Right now, he’s carrying boxes from Zayn’s dad’s van himself, humming to some Justin Timberlake tune that’s unfamiliar to Zayn, but he’ll probably know it until the end of the day because it’s the only thing Liam’s been singing today. He’s swaying his hips in a suggestive way and Zayn has to look away, or he’ll get stuck once again.

They’ve been working all day long. After they got all of his stuff from his parent’s house, they started to move the furniture in its place. In no time, they’re almost done. The only thing that’s left is the spare room, but Zayn’s probably gonna do it by himself because it’s already getting dark outside.

He goes to the kitchen, with a necessity of coffee and Liam follows him. He sits on a chair next to the counter, while Zayn makes coffee.

Liam is leaning against the counter, his head almost falling into one of the boxes Zayn has yet to put away.

Zayn smiles at him fondly. “Tired?” He asks.

Liam hums sleepily, his eyes closed. “Very. You own too many things, babe.”

“I do not.” Zayn insists. “Just what I need.” Liam snorts, but smiles. “Thank you.” Zayn says and Liam lifts his head from the counter. “I’m glad you were the one to help me. If it was Louis, he’d probably bitch around the whole day about things being heavy. Harry would break all of my stuff ‘cause he’s so damn clumsy. And Niall would sit around all day and boss me around.” He finishes. “I’m glad it was you. You actually did some work.”

Liam huffs. “I did most of the work.” Zayn rolls his eyes at him. “I pulled all the heavy stuff.”

“Mhm.” Zayn teases as he hands him his mug of coffee.

The scent and the taste are pure magic, Zayn thinks as takes a sip and closes his eyes. If he could, he would eat coffee, bathe in it, dress in it, live in it, live with it. It’s a blessing, really, Zayn thinks. He’s not gonna tell that to Liam, though. He’s tease him about it.

It’s quiet, just them enjoying their coffees when he feels Liam shift.

He opens his eyes and finds Liam standing beside the window.

There’s something in his hands. Something he must have pulled out from one of the boxes.

Zayn cringes at the view. He remembers the first time he held that thing in his hands, the way everything came back to him just from the fact that it represented something from Liam.

It’s a familiar envelope that contains the letter with the last words from Liam he’s had in years.

“You still have it.” Liam says matter of factly, without turning to face him. His tone is uncertain and his words come out thick with emotion.

That’s what breaks Zayn out of his daze. He nods. “I do.”

“Why would you keep this for so long?” Liam insists.

“I keep a lot of things I don’t need.” Zayn shots back, trying to end the conversation.

Liam turns around to face him, his expression filled with pain. “You kept my letter, the last thing I ever gave you and didn’t bother throw it away even when you got into another relationship?” Zayn snorts and goes to say something, but Liam ignores him. “And that’s your answer when I ask you about it? Not even _‘I forgot I had it’_ , or _‘it was hard to forget’_ , or” He pauses. “The truth. _‘I still care, even if I refuse to admit’_.”

Zayn’s head snaps up and his eyes sharpen on Liam’s. “I don’t care anymore, Liam!” He shouts. “The damn letter doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a piece of paper where you scribbled some insignificant stuff.”

Liam looks at him incredulously. “What?! Are you seriously playing this game with me, now?” He laughs humourlessly.

“I’m not playing any games, Liam. It’s just a stupid piece of paper. I don’t wanna fight ‘cause of it.”

Zayn says and turns to leave, but Liam catches his wrist and the grip is firm enough that Zayn can’t pull away.

“You are playing this game, where you act so savage and mad every time I bring up our relationship.”

“What relationship?!” Zayn snaps trying to get away. “You mean the part of my life when I was too stupid to let myself believe that we were actually something that was worth all the pain? I forgot about it.” Zayn insists. “I moved on and so should you.”

All hell breaks loose and once again, he finds himself in Liam’s arms, grip tight so he can’t run away.

Liam leans in and his breath fanes across Zayn’s face as he talks. “Don’t lie to me, Zayn.” He growls. “I know you better than you think. You haven’t moved on, just like me.” Zayn scoffs, but Liam continues, ignoring him. “You think that I don’t see the way you look at me, or the way you say things without meaning to and you end up showing how much you still care?” Zayn squeezes his eyes shut, unconsciously stopping fighting Liam off. “You think I don’t see how you haven’t thought once about Eric since he’s been gone and you’re spending all of your time with me instead?”

“You’re ruining what we have as friends with this, Liam. Please stop.” Zayn croaks.

Liam scoffs. “There is no friendship with us. There is just me trying to give you enough time to stop acting like the world’s gonna end if you stop running away from me and admit it to yourself that it’s real, what we have.”

Zayn’s eyes open and he manages to pull out from the grip Liam has on him. Liam lets him, letting him catch his breath.

“No.” Zayn says.

Liam’s face hardens. “You’re doing it again.” He says.

“It’s easier.” Zayn explains with a lump in his throat.

Liam steps closer and Zayn steps back.

“You’re gonna chose the easier path even if you don’t want to?”

Zayn nods. “It’s easier than losing you all over again.” He croaks.

Liam laughs fondly before he surges up and crashes Zayn into a wall, his whole body caging Zayn in. “I’m not going anywhere this time, you fool. I’m in too deep.” Liam groans.

Zayn is about to protest, but Liam’s hands envelop his cheeks and lips crash down onto his before he can get a word out.

It’s like his whole body catches on fire as Liam kisses him. He coaxes his mouth open and sneaks his tongue in, chasing his taste. A whimper catches in his throat as he immediately kisses back.

He can’t fight this, the familiar hand running through his hair, holding his head so he wouldn’t pull back. The sweet taste of oranges on the tip of his tongue makes him kiss even harder. He can’t get enough of it.

He’s been deprived of this, of _Liam_ for almost four years and now all he can sense is him. His scent, his taste, his ragged breathing and the way he’s reluctant to pull back for air. The strong hands soothing every part of the skin they come in contact with. The soft hair and silky skin under his fingertips he longed to touch.

When they pull back, it’s with a gasp on both sides. Liam’s hands resting on his hips, keeping their bodies flush together and Zayn’s hands in Liam’s hair, preventing him of pulling back. Their foreheads touching as they try to make to world stop spinning.

“Finally.” Liam says. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”

Zayn opens his eyes to find him smiling the brightest smile he’s ever seen. His lips are still slick and a little red and bruised from Zayn biting them. His brown eyes once again shining with so much emotion that it makes Zayn’s heart swell.

He’s not sure what to do, even now.

“I can’t do this.” Zayn breathes and he can feel the rage melt away and the tears prickling in his eyes. He grips the hem of Liam’s shirt, hoping it will keep him together.

“Yes you can.” Liam says softly, shifting even closer and Zayn breaks as Liam’s hands come to rest on his and his lips brush against his. “I want you to stop running away from me.”

Zayn shakes his head. “I can’t.” He admits. “That’s the only thing I’ve been doing for years.”

“I know.” Liam says. “But, I want you... I _need_ you back, Zayn.”

“What if we fuck it up again?”

“We’ll fix it.” Liam assures.

Zayn looks at him with so much hope. “You won’t have to leave again?” Liam shakes his head, smiling again. It looks like he can’t help it. “You’ll stay with me, Li?”

“Always.” Liam says and kisses him softly on the lips to seal a promise.

Zayn finally breaks every border, bringing Liam impossibly closer.

“Tell me.” Liam begs.

This time Zayn kisses him, not ready yet again. Damn self preservation.

They stay like that for what feels like an eternity when Zayn finally gasps, breaking the kiss. “Take me to bed, Li.” He begs. “Please.”

Liam freezes for a moment, but then picks Zayn up and carries him into the bedroom.

“I want so many things.” He says as he puts Zayn on the bed and crawls on top of him, kissing his neck. “But we’re gonna do it slow, tonight. I wanna memorise every part of you.”

“However you want me, Li.” Zayn breathes.

Liam smiles against his lips. “Mine?”

Zayn nods. “Yours.” He says before they get lost in each other again.

 

* * *

 

 

Later that night, when they’re done with memorising and making up for the lost time, they clean up and curl up next to each other under the sheets, Liam’s on his back and Zayn on his stomach.

Zayn’s looking at him with a smirk on his lips and Liam doesn’t know what to make out of it. He knows what he wanted, but things were over too quickly. That’s not a surprise though, because he knows he can’t resist Zayn.

They’re lying close enough that he can move just a little and kiss it right off his face, so that’s exactly what he does.

He kisses him until Zayn’s a giggling mess and until he turns around so he’s in his arms again.

Zayn pulls back and laughs nervously. “I have to tell you something.” Liam nods for him to continue. Zayn smiles and looks him in the eyes. “I’m in love with you.” He confesses and Liam curls closer to him, releasing a breath he’s been holding for year, because _finally_.

“Zayn.” He breathes, but Zayn hushes him.

“I love you, Li.” He smiles. “I’ve loved you from the very start, probably. I was just refusing to let it get to me. I didn’t want you to break my heart. I fought tooth and nails the feeling of loving someone, being afraid it was gonna bring me something bad.” He pauses and laughs fondly. “I don’t regret it, now. It brought me you and you could never be something bad, love. You’re the best thing I’ve ever had.”

Liam kisses him, hard and pours every emotion into the kiss.

He breaks it off with a laugh. “We’ve gotten sappy, babe.”

“’S all your fault.” Zayn points out.

Liam nods. “I love you, too.” He says earnestly.

Zayn kisses him softly one more time, before both of them fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this is over. x)


	25. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End, guys. xx

“Zay!” Fate shouts as she launches herself into his arms.

They tried to teach her to call him Zayn, but the kid shook her head and insisted on Zay. Zayn was more than okay with it.

He catches the little girl and spins her around as she giggles happily. He smacks a kiss on her cheek and releases her so Niall can take her back.

He kisses Niall’s head playfully and looks around the park.

Greg’s kids are playing in sand while Jenna and Maria watch over them. Maria’s moving carefully as the doctor said she has to watch out for her other child. Niall is losing his head over the fact that he’s becoming father again. It’s so amusing.

Maura is talking to his mom and Jay at the picnic table, as Lou’s siblings also run around the park, screaming and playing with Zayn’s sisters.

Harry’s cradling baby Ernest, Louis' youngest brother, in his arms and feeds him pieces of a banana while Louis watches him with so much love.

Everyone that he loves is here. Except for his boyfriend, of course.

He’s always late, but Zayn loves him so he doesn’t mind so much.

Zayn’s too busy looking at Niall and Fate interact while walking when he suddenly bumps into someone.

“Watch it, you jerk!” The guy says.

Zayn lift’s his head.

The first thing he sees is his eyes and he is trapped. They’re brown and beautiful and nothing like Zayn’s ever seen. It makes him want to paint them, again. He’d paint them just the same, brown with yellow spots and golden shades. His pupils are blown wide while he stares back at Zayn, and his eyes are so beautiful, like they’ve been since the first day he met him.

Zayn smiles. “You’re late.” He says.

Liam snorts and drags him into his arms. Zayn doesn’t fight him on it, melting into the embrace.

“Hello, darling. How was your day? I missed you.” Liam mocks and Zayn rolls his eyes. “You’re already acting like a bitchy wife.”

Zayn laughs. “Maybe you should run.” He suggests.

“Never.” Liam shakes his head before he swoops in and kisses him deeply.

He can hear Louis at Niall cat calling and Trisha threatening them if they don’t stop, but he doesn’t care.

He’s in love with the way Liam feels just the same even if it’s been years since they first touched and kissed.

He pulls back with a grin and drags Liam into the familiar crowd, right where they belong.

He watches him all day, enjoying the way he still blends in perfectly and he’s so proud of having this. He knows he’s never gonna regret it.

They stay there all day long, and at the very end of it, Zayn makes up his mind about something and there’s no doubt now.

“Li.” He says to get his attention. Liam’s sitting at the big table along with everyone else, but he turns around as soon as Zayn speaks.

“Yeah, love?” He smiles.

Zayn pulls out a little velvet box from his pocket and kneels in front of Liam, with the ring in front of him.

Liam look like he’s been hit by a pick-up truck for a moment, his entire body frozen as he looks away from the ring back to Zayn. Zayn laughs nervously as he feels everyone’s attention fall onto him. He can hear them squeak out a happy sound, but he doesn’t turn around to see. He holds Liam’s gaze, not even blinking.

“I don’t know how to do this.” He says and he can hear Niall snort.

Liam swallows thickly. “Try.” He says and Zayn can feel him tremble.

He reaches out and grabs Liam’s hand, holding it tightly. “Since you came into my life, you’ve made a mess of it, but you fit in it more than I ever hoped you would, from the first day. We’ve been through everything together and you mean the world to me. I know you made me a promise, and you never break those,” Liam nods. “And I want to give you a promise of my own. I swear I’ll never run away from you again, I’ll always be there when it gets tough, too. I’m gonna be there whenever you need me, because I know you’re the best thing I have and I love you more than words can express. More than I ever expected to love anyone. And I wanna be yours for the rest of my life, as cheesy as it sounds. I want to give you all of me. Will you let me be yours?”

Liam laughs through his tears and this is when Zayn notices he’s been crying. “Mine?”

Zayn nods. “Will you marry me, love?”

“Yes.” Liam says and Zayn’s world finally falls into place.

As soon as he slips the ring on Liam’s finger, Liam's eyes catch onto the word engraved in it.

He gets up and scoops Zayn into a searing kiss.

They kiss for what feels like an eternity, while their loved ones celebrate around them.

Liam hugs him close. “I can’t believe you. I love you so much.” He whispers against his mouth, amazed.

Zayn whispers the word engraved onto the ring into his mouth. “ _Yours_ , Li.”

It feels like _everything_ and like _always_ and he wouldn’t give it away for anything.

 

 _ **The End**_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, everyone. :)  
> I want to say thank you to everyone who's been reading this and who's been with me from the start. Every single one of you is amazing, I swear. xx
> 
> Thank you for being the reason for this fic, B. Also, for urging me to write another one. You're the best support anyone could have. You're the best friend, the sister, the king, the boss.. Everything. Love you. <3
> 
> Thank you A, for dragging me into the crazy world of fanfiction. You made a beautiful mess of my life by dragging me into this fandom. Love you. <3
> 
> I hope everyone's happy with how the story went. I'm sorry for all the mistakes, too. I'll edit them as soon as possible 'cause some people would kill me.  
> Some of the parts in this story are personal experiences, so be gentle, please. xD It was hard to share some of them, but I don't regret it. :)
> 
> Please, leave some kudos if you liked it. Comments are always welcome and I'll be there to respond to all of them. I hope so. ;) Also, leave a bookmark if you think it's worth for someone else to read it.
> 
> Tell me what you think, yeah? xx
> 
> If you want, you can find me here on [Tumblr](http://doesmotherknowurwearingherdrapes.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MickeyCcEa) :D  
> .
> 
> I'll be going now, I've bored you all to death, I know. xD See you when I come up with something else.
> 
> Much love, everyone! xx M. <3


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